Using mine and DP's surnames: Double barrel or middle name?

[autumnmoon]

I'd really appreciate some advise. My DCs have DP's surname but I want to add my surname too. Main reason is that DP's surname is an awful comedy surname and so I want to leave options open for DCs to use mine instead. Double barreling mine and his with a hyphen would also sound bad and mine has to come first in order.... so question is, should I just give DCs my surname as an extra middle name, or should I change their surname to a non-hyphernated double barrel name? As I say, main reason is to give them options to use just my surname in future. Anyone got any experience of having two names like this?

Thanks so much!

Why not just use your last name?

Agreed, that would be simplest! But I feel bad because they already have his name and so I think adding mine would be a compromise.

They can change their name to whatever they like eventually if your DH's name isn't to their liking. They can adopt yours or stick with your DH's or change to something else entirely. Hyphen-ing your surname together with an already bad surname won't make it better.

Extra name as a middle name then?

add the extra name then they can quietly drop the comedy name if desired but actually they'll probably not bother by the time they are grown .

Am I the only one thinking of combinations and " how bad could it be" ....

Will they be Brown- Ramsbottoms ?

I really dislike hyphenated double barreled names, especially if one of the names is already ugly/clunky. In general I prefer the extra name as a mn HOWEVER if you want the option for them to drop your Dp's surname then I would have them as unhyphonated double barreled names, with yours first.

Hope that makes sense!

thanks all, does make sense....but still not sure whether to go for non-hyphenated or middle name. It's funny as either way, it'll look the same on paper but of course it'll make a difference when filling out forms etc. I don't want to create more hassle for them! I think part of the problem is that I'm embarrassed by their surname, i know that sounds awful and it does feel awful sometimes....

Why did you not think about this before you registered the births?

CountingThePennies - hindsight is a wonderful thing! post-birth haze and hormones, wanting DP to feel as connected as possible esp as we weren't married, who knows.... anyway, i'd prefer to focus on what i can do about it now than look back and regret.

I think you should leave it as it is.

Its messy to alter original documents

Why does yours need to come first if you add it as a surname? Does it reduce the comedic value?

I'd definitely add it as part of a hyphenated second surname. That way they can legitimately use your surname as theirs as soon as they decide (if they decide) their father's surname is a bit too embarrassing. If you add it as a middle name it will just remain a middle name.

Sorry I meant NON hyphenated surname.

I grew up double barrelled and was so relieved when I changed it on marriage. People would always have preconceptions before they met you. I think it has become more common (as in frequent) and less 'posh', but I still think most of the double barrels I know would generally be considered 'posh'. That might not be a problem for your kids (never bothered my dsis), but it might. And if one half of the surname is comedy it's not going to help. I'd just leave it at this point, or middle name if you really must.

Thanks Squoosh, that's really helpful. that's what I was worried about with just adding it as a middle name - that it'll just be a middle name and in fact could stop them using it as a surname. Mine has to come first as it reduces comedic value - if mine goes second it just adds to it.

Sometimes I think it might be simplest just to create a new (non-comedy) name as a combination of both of our surnames but I'm not sure DP would agree. He's had to live his life with his surname and so can be a bit sensitive about the issue. To make matters worse, his dad who is the origin of this surname is a complete a-hole who contributes little to our lives (and was not married to his mum, left her and they no longer speak), so sometimes I just feel like screaming why any of us need to have this connection to this person!

Not a fan of hyphenated, or double barrel, surnames, not at all. Though I realise they're more commonplace now

Quite traditional, and usual to use as a 'middle'

autumn if his name is as bad as you say and its family associations aren't great well then I think a new composite surname would be a fab idea. Convincing him is another matter I suppose. Men's eyes generally boggle at the suggestion they change their name......

thanks, I may work on it Squoosh - may even suggest we get married to mark the occasion so we can all change our name together!

My dp has name that with the change of one letter becomes a slightly rude word. The way it is spelt makes people very nervous of accidentally saying the rude word instead of the name so they are inclined to over emphasise it- drawing attention to it even more. A slight change of spelling would get rid of the problem.

We gave our children his name and my name hyphenated- but have told them from as soon as they were old enough to understand that they could at any point choose to call themselves his name, or my name or change the spelling of the rude bit.....or make up an entirely new name for themselves. The original hyphenated name still remains - so far.

Oh, and as for hypenated names being posh- in fact it's becoming rather the opposite.........

We went for the Spanish two surname option, do she has both our surnames and no hyphen. When Spanish people marry no-one changes their name, and the children take one name from each parent.