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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

Should we change the name dilemma!

33 replies

LuckymummaOf2 · 09/03/2015 13:37

Hello,
Really hoping for some help here. My gorgeous DD2 is 8 weeks and currently called violet. We love the name but I have a nagging doubt every now and then about it and think perhaps felt pressured to name her. My reservation is mor really how some ppl pronounce it, and also read on various blogs that ppl see 'violence' rather than violet. This link had never occurred to me but now that too is on my mind. I always loved the name Cleo with DP didn't so was never an option, but now he likes it and are questioning whether to change it to Cleo. I am usually fairly decisive by nature but I am a dithering mess and its driving me nuts. I feel like a really terrible mum, and guilty for DD for thinking I go it wrong, and really not sure what to do.
Anyone had a similar situation or can offer any wise words? Help xx

OP posts:

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Cafeconleche · 09/03/2015 13:49

Hi Lucky, if it's really distressing you then absolutely change the name - it happened to a friend of mine who'd named her DD what she thought was a lovely, original, unusual name only for a celeb mum to name her daughter the same lovely, original, unusual name a few months later. She freaked out with the thought that everyone would think that she'd copied the celeb. You could always keep Violet as her middle name and just say you decided to go with her 'first' name instead because she now looked more like a 'Cleo'.

Cafeconleche · 09/03/2015 13:51

You're not a terrible mum btw xxx

Unidentifieditem · 09/03/2015 13:53

I love the name Violet!! What a classic yet not commonly used name. Beautiful flower too. Cleo is nice but I really think you've picked a gem. As for people misreading the name surely that will happen to many names!

3luckystars · 09/03/2015 13:55

Change it! You can keep violet as a middle name. I know 2 people who changed their sons names, one after a week and one after a few weeks. The original names were lovely but just didn't sit right with them. Its no problem to change it.

Best of luck.

TruJay · 09/03/2015 13:56

I like the name Violet and there are lots of nicknames she could go by. Found a link to some of them if u want to take a look.
My daughter's name is actually a nickname for Violet.

answers.yahoo.com/question/?qid=20100704034656AAotX2J

TruJay · 09/03/2015 13:56

And I have no idea how you could get violence from Violet!!

Allstoppedup · 09/03/2015 13:59

I think Violet is beautiful but if you really feel unhappy then change it.

Having said that, my DS has an unusual name and for the first few months of his life I became very self conscious of our choice as so many people reacted (I felt) oddly too. I called him by nicknames a lot and focussed on how it looked like another word with negative connotations, like you. I was really worried and considered changing it for a time but stuck with it, made sure I used it frequently and confidently and now I love it. I'm so happy I stuck with it. Look at the reasons you chose it in the first place and follow your instinct.

sosix · 09/03/2015 14:00

i have a violet, seriously she is 6 now and not a week goes by without someone saying what a pretty name. Its gorgeus, girly but tough too. We rarley meet any others. As for Violent, you get that with tonsbof names.... william, willy.... Smelly shelly.

MaudeLebowski · 09/03/2015 14:01

Violet is one of my favourite girls names. It is beautiful. I just think cars when I hear Cleo.

sosix · 09/03/2015 14:01

Btw Cleo was on our list too.... You may have the car thing with this name!

Twinklestein · 09/03/2015 14:56

Love Violet - violence never occurred to me. Cleo is a Renault.

KittyMcVitie · 09/03/2015 15:05

You have a year to change the name on the birth certificate, so why don't you try calling her Cleo for a few weeks and see how it feels. You can only change the name once though so give yourself time to decide.

I was never sure on my baby's name, but DH really liked it so I agreed. A few months later I realised it felt wrong, but didn't say anything as I thought I would get used to it. By 5 months old I mentioned it to DH, but he thought it was because I was using nicknames, not her real name. By 8 months I could think of nothing else. It took over my thoughts all day, I didn't like the name and didn't want to tell people the name. Just before 9 months we changed the name on the birth certificate, but kept the original name as a middle name. I felt that I couldn't take it away, even though it caused me so much stress. Changing the name was the best thing for me, baby name regret is awful and I didn't want to use a name I so unhappy with for my lovely baby.

burgatroyd · 09/03/2015 16:39

Agree with above.
I changed name very quickly then wondered if I did the right thing!

Its taken me nearly a year to accept dds name and not think, well, what about...

Call her Cleo unofficially now and then change within a year.

I prefer Cleo but it may get confused with Chloe

HmmAnOxfordComma · 09/03/2015 16:42

Violet is beautiful. We know a couple. Both very gorgeous, headstrong and smart young girls.

I wouldn't change it. But it doesn't matter if you do...Cleo is very pretty and quite strong, too.

Penguinotterfoxbadger · 09/03/2015 17:52

Violet is lovely but if you want to change it then do. As other posters have said, take your time and try out the new name for a while. I also think it would be nice to keep Violet as a mn.

SailorTwift · 09/03/2015 18:07

I really love violet.

I feel sad for you that you are not happy with the choice and regret it. What a position to be in. If I were you I would perhaps add Cleo in as a middle name and go on from there. I much prefer violet over Cleo though.
I've no middle name and wish I did!

Original poster

LuckymummaOf2 · 09/03/2015 19:48

Thanks to everyone for taking the time to reply. Some really useful comments here. We ar going to have a trial 'Cleo' week and see how it feels. Hopefully time will make the decision come naturally rather than a gut wrench! Going to start a thread to find a adult Cleo and violet and see what Nn they got through school.

OP posts:

Leeds2 · 09/03/2015 19:55

I don't dislike Cleo, indeed I think it is very pretty, but I would personally avoid it because of the car.

I actually prefer Cleo to Violet, but Violet is very pretty and I would never, ever associate it with violence.

amy0787 · 09/03/2015 20:19

I had exactly the same with my daughter. We had her, picked her name and announced it. It was a name I did and still do love but just felt odd. Every time I had to say her name I felt a bit self conscious about it. Then I started looking at all my friends kids names and trying them on her, her name just felt like it didn't fit. For about a week I kept referring to her in my head as the other name we liked when pregnant and eventually I confessed to my husband. Funnily he totally agreed and said he didn't think her name suited her at all. Sadly we had registered her but after trying out her other name for a few weeks we told all our friends and family and got her name officially changed and her birth certificate re issued.
We did get mocked a bit but I'm so happy we did it, when it's not right you just know. It doesn't mean you don't love the name violet, it maybe just isn't quite right this time. Go with your gut. Agree with others though and don't rush, you have until she's one so try it out first.

rockinrobintweet · 09/03/2015 21:06

I could have written this post six months ago, except we called dd Scarlett. when she was born we were surprised at female arrival as had thought bump was a boy the whole pregnancy (just a guess).

I was very emotional for weeks, hormonal and struggled to bond with dd. one of the reasons was that we hadn't named her as we couldn't agree on a name. I wanted Pollyanna, Daisy or Ophelia. DH wanted Scarlett.

long story short, he won the argument and we named her Scarlett. for months in my gut I hated her name and nn her Star so that I didn't have to say her full name.

as she grew she started to fit her name, and i began to think of a 'Scarlett' as a strong, independent women, and perhaps Daisy (Scarlett and Daisy were final 2 choices) as more cutesy, girly and baby-ish. I thought perhaps we'd given dd a name that she could grow with.

dd is now 9 months, and her name is still Scarlett. there are still days were I feel real resentment to my selfish ignorant DH for taking advantage of my vulnerable state and 'forcing' me to name her something that he knew I didn't like from discussion throughout the pregnancy.

She looks like a Scarlett now, and i like how i say her name. she has lots of red clothes and i have just bought her a red backpack to take to nursery. her nickname means we decorated her room in stars and owls.

Could you learn to love Violet? you could dress her in purple, nn her whatever you like and decorate her room with flowers. I think the reason I would be reluctant to advice you change her name is because you may feel regret again... you must have named her Violet for a reason?

FWIW I think Violet is just beautiful as a name, infact Scarlett's sister could easily be Violet (if I hadn't already got excited about a red theme!!) i sleep peacefully knowing that my DH loves her name, and loves me for 'letting' him name her.

hope my story helps in some way- sorry for blabbing!

BubGal13 · 09/03/2015 21:27

OP I think you're putting too much value on other people's opinions and some random comments about name associations ie. The violent thing, that are very few and far between and by no means what the majority of people think. For what it's worth, I hear Cleo and I think car and then that cheesy girl band from the 90s!!

Try and wipe all these out and think about you and your girl.

Violet is 1 of my fav names to choose if I ever had a DD. It's got that vintagey feel, is so pretty without being twee, individual and not overly popular but not random/obscure, sounds classy (Cleo to me, does not!) and when I hear it I think of the beautiful flowers, not violence.

fizzycolagurlie · 09/03/2015 21:31

I think its normal to have a name crisis during the early months. I had trouble saying my DS's name for ages. And then our adult friend with the same name died suddenly, and it seemed like we should change it, but we didn't. Now I can't imagine him being called anything else.

deste · 09/03/2015 21:53

Dad had a girl in her class nicknamed violent Violet because she was.

Griffineater · 09/03/2015 22:19

Probably not helping your cause much OP but I really think you have picked a winner with the name Violet. It is classic, known and heard but not widely used. Very beautiful and elegant. Although I like Cleo, I think Violet is una different league. For what it is worth I know a gorgeous 3 year old Violet and they shorten it to Vivi.

florascotia · 10/03/2015 08:00

FWIW I like Violet, too. I think of spring flowers, not violence.

But your idea of a trial week with a different name sounds like a very good idea. I wouldn't worry about the car; the spelling is different. Cleo is short for Cleopatra. Clio (the car) was one of the ancient Greek muses; she watched over history.

This is off the point, since you have already chosen your names, but I rather like the related names Violaine (Vee-oh-leyhn), an old alternative to Violet, and Clea (Klay-ah), which means 'glory'.

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