Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

MIL opinion on name choice

52 replies

upallnight2015 · 28/01/2015 18:29

hi,
just wondering how much people take other's opinions on boards when picking names? DH and I were pleased to have picked a potential name for our first baby, if it's a boy (Leo) which we both love. MIL has been extremely vocal, asking are we joking, saying we couldn't possibly be serious etc, she doesn't like it at all, and sent FIL round to ask we not use the name.
She does suffer with depression and sometimes says things other people would not say, so I'm trying not to take this personally . But I really don't want to pick a different name, as we love it. I'm presuming she will just get used to it. Is that what most people would do under these circumstances?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

glasgowlass · 28/01/2015 19:02

My MIL didn't like DS1's name. She refused to call him by it for about a year. Even on xmas cards etc she would address to "my grandson". It upset me. She didn't like it as it wasn't "biblical" DP and I aren't religious in the slightest, never have been. Eventually she stated using his name. He is 6 now but I can tell she still isn't happy as it wasn't on her approved list.
This is her problem and hers alone. His name is not uncommon or quirky, she is just very hard work (that's a whole other thread)
It did get to the stage I carried a copy of his birth cert in my bag to show her his name should she get arsey. I never did though as I just couldn't be bothered getting down to her level.
If you both love the name then to hell with what anyone else thinks. I love Leo as a name BTW

MeggleVache · 28/01/2015 19:15

FWIW I think it's a wonderful name. You just want everyone to love your child's name, im not surprised parents to be keep it shtum! You'll just have to grow a thick skin and ignore her- they'll be plenty of people who LOVE his name including you. As an aside my children's names were pretty much loathed by everyone (PIL refused to acknowledge both but they are bonkers) people adore their names now.
Let it wash over you, some people have no manners.

Original poster

upallnight2015 · 28/01/2015 19:16

Thanks for the feedback everyone, I've been quite firm in my reply with her that we've chosen that name and we both love it and that's that. I just wondered what others experiences were with the situation, none of my friends seem to have an MIL quite like mine!

OP posts:

CheerfulYank · 28/01/2015 19:17

My mother talked me out of using Primrose as my daughter's middle name and I've always regretted it.

MeggleVache · 28/01/2015 19:19

Upallnight- you SO came to the right place. There are some batshit crazy MIL stories here

Original poster

upallnight2015 · 28/01/2015 19:24

I've spotted a few! I'm quite new to MN, and just getting the hang of the lingo but it's really nice to know I'm not alone!!

OP posts:

MeggleVache · 28/01/2015 19:31

Welcome.... Oohhhh you're going to love it!

Surf25 · 28/01/2015 19:42

Well done in putting your foot down, upallnight. I agree, just don't mention name choices until baby is here and it's fact! Although to be fair I do understand when it seems such a big decision it's nice to share and we all hope for positive feedback..it's just when people say such rude and senseless things that it is horrible! So I never mention our choices to anyone until announcing baby's arrival and that has protected us so far!!
Leo is lovely. Stick with it!

imgoodatpointless · 28/01/2015 19:43

i always liked sean ( sean connery)

But Mother INSISTED that its sean (like seam)..she is quite bonkers

Good job I had a girl otherwise my poor boy would have had the rath of grandma his whole life

TheyLearnedFromBrian · 28/01/2015 19:43

Good that you've been firm.

If it's raised again, this is an approach that worked VERY well for a cousin and her mum (my great aunt):

'It's such a shame you keep going on about the name. It makes me really sad as I thought we'd be spending lots of time together once X is born, but I just can't see how that would work if you're going to make it clear you hate her name... I guess we'll have to stay at arm's length until she's old enough not to be upset by such horrid rudeness'.

ApocalypseThen · 29/01/2015 10:04

You're right not to change your mind because of her opinion - but she does have a right to it. If you tell people stuff like this you have to be prepared for the possibility they will say something you'd prefer not to hear. But it's just an opinion.

ToffeeCaramel · 31/01/2015 09:07

What did the fil say when he was sent round to ask you to change the name? Was he in agreement, or just doing as he was told?

You could do the old "tell her you've changed your mind to a ridiculous name so she's relieved when you go back to Leo" trick. eg. Say you've decided to go with Arbuthnott

babyblabber · 31/01/2015 10:15

Just don't talk about it again with her and call him Leo (was one of our boy's names too but we had a girl, love it!).

DS is called Noah which was very unusual 5 years ago (in Ireland). My parents hated it and tried to gently persuade me to go with something more "normal" but we loved it and now so do they. DS couldn't be anything other than Noah and they agree that it's a lovely name.

Once the baby is here and named nobody will question the name and it'll just be him.

geekymommy · 03/02/2015 17:14

Name popularity goes in cycles (at least here in the US). The names that are popular now are often ones that people in our parents' generation would think are "old people names". Those were old people's names when our parents were younger, but now that generation of old people has died off. If you look at a site that tracks popularity of names over time, you see a lot of U-shaped curves- a name was popular in the 1900s or 1910s, lost favor, and has gone up in popularity in recent years. If that's the case, and your parents don't keep up with naming trends (why would they?), you wouldn't expect them to like a lot of the names that are popular now. That doesn't mean your kid's name will seem weird to his or her classmates.

There's a similar trend with immigrant names (again in the US, don't know what it's like in the UK). I've heard it expressed as "what the son wishes to forget, the grandson wishes to remember." First and second generation immigrants often want to give their child a name that "fits in". Later generations might want to choose something more distinctive and "ethnic".

There has also been a significant cultural shift (in the US) since my parents' generation. My parents grew up in the 1940s and 50's. Being different or unusual wasn't as cool then as it is now, from what I have heard. You can see that in my sister's name- she's a Jennifer born in the 1970s. There were a LOT of Jennifers then. She usually had another Jennifer in her class in school. My parents never expressed any regret over this. When she had a daughter in the 2000s, she named her Hazel. One of the reasons she gave for choosing this name was that it was different (I draw some conclusions from this about how she felt about being one of several Jennifers in her class). But it's not just her- people want distinctive names now, they don't want their child to be one of several Jennifers in their class.

Christmasbargainshopper · 03/02/2015 17:23

Don't tell anyone the name until your dc has been born. Just choose a random short list and mutter about possibilities if you need names for conversation. Then choose the name you kept quiet.

I mentioned a name when prompted by my sil, which she then just scrunched her nose at. Lovely!

smilingthroughgrittedteeth · 03/02/2015 17:23

We told people our 2 back up names the response we got to choice 1 - Oliver ranged from its lovely but very popular to as in twist? So not to negative.

Choice 2 - Finley was hated by all

We have no intention of telling anyone our actual choice until he is born, then I will use hormones as an excuse to slap anyone that comments

I do however plan on telling everyone he's name is Finley just to be bloody minded and it will be interesting to see how they respond

Just ignore your MIL it's none of her business.

juulie · 03/02/2015 17:50

OP Upallnight), I think you are absolutely right in your instinct that you are within your rights to pick your own baby's name and nobody else including MIL has any right to question it or have input (other than your DP). My in laws tried it and had short shrift from me. I was gobsmacked they would presume (in conversation with my dh not with me) to have a say and particularly to actually complain about the names after they had been decided and announced. I already decided not to discuss ideas prior to deciding after as while as people do tend to give an opinion if you tell them and I didn't want to be insulted or influenced. I just ended up saying there was a very long shortlist if anyone asked and wouldn't be drawn on a name usually. I did throw out one I wasn't going to use once, just to shut someone up and try being diplomatic (SIL). Sure enough she pulled a face at it, but I didn't care. The only thing I didn't really mind was innocent suggestions and ideas from whoever (not pressure or assumptions), but that was only because I felt totally free to discount them. After all, if someone suggests names before you have decided, at least they are accepting that it is your decision. My in laws are probably all certifiable but no excuse for rudeness and certainly no reason to give concessions to unreasonable behaviour or demands. All the more reason to set and maintain the boundaries if they don't know any better or aren't willing or able to be considerate and respectful off their own bats.

I say call him Leo whether you want to or not now, just to spite her! Make his middle names Leo too! (joke )

Looseleaf · 03/02/2015 18:03

I love Leo. I don't know what I'd reply if it was a more controversial name as still your choice but I guess it depends how close your family is.
We ran the DCs names past my parents and ILs as names are so subjective/ cause an irrational dislike sometimes. They were great and liked our few suggestions and we just enjoyed sharing our thoughts but also know our families are very sensitive and easy !

ChickenMe · 04/02/2015 17:56

Just to say, I like Leo.
My MIL keeps suggesting stupid names, the kind a child would call her dolly. Weirdly the other day MIL randomly announced out of the blue that she did not like the name Leo (we've kept our name choices a secret). I then thought of your thread.Leo is one of the only bloody boys names I like. Oh well, tough luck, she will look silly if we do have a Leo.

dragdownthemoon · 04/02/2015 18:52

Worse - when our son was born FIL said he didn't like his name so wouldn't be using it! He suggested a shortened version though. Rude!

dragdownthemoon · 04/02/2015 18:53

Oh and Leo is a gorgeous name!

pictish · 04/02/2015 18:56

Not her baby, not her choice. It's that simple. If you like Leo, then call him Leo.

MirandaGoshawk · 05/02/2015 10:53

It's always best, IMHO, not to tell anyone whose opinion matters what name you've settled on. I had a name I knew I wanted and I let MIL suggest possibilities - Claire? Fiona? - and then presented them with a fait acompli, by which time it's too late.

As long as it's not totally daft, which is where MN comes in - then you're fine. Go for it.

KatieG1987 · 05/02/2015 18:50

No - it would make me want to use it even more so! (Is that awful? ??)

Leo is a lovely name btw.

Dogsmom · 05/02/2015 20:00

As another poster said she's had her turn at choosing baby names, people do get verbal diarrhoea around pregnant women and seem to think they can say what they like.

If dd1 had been a boy I liked the name Isaac nn Zac but my Mom took every opportunity to say how much she hated it and how awful it was then when I fell pregnant with this one her first comment was "I hope you're not planning on using that awful name Isaac again?"
Turns out I'm having another daughter so it's not an issue but yeah it riled me.

You'll soon be having women telling you awful tales of childbirth at every opportunity

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread