Naming after deceased / living relatives

[lucycoco]

All being well we'll be expecting our first baby next summer, and I love the idea of a son having my late father's name as a middle name, or a little girl having DP's late mother's name as a middle name.

However, my mother and his father are still alive, and I don't want to upset either of them by using the 'other' grandmother/grandfather's name and not theirs. Is there an etiquette on this (apart from the Jewish one, as we're not Jewish!)?

I wouldn't want to have two middle names, so I'm hoping it's accepted as usual to use deceased relative's names because they'll never meet the baby, so it's a connection that otherwise wouldn't be there. But I'd love to hear if anyone has any thoughts on this!

Well I named my DD (middle name) after my late mother. It was never in doubt, my DP totally supported me and my MIL never mentioned it. I have no idea if it bothered her and I'm not particularly bothered (I get on well with my MIL, incidentally).

It was done to remember my amazing mum, who DD will never know. All being well, MIL will have years to have a relationship with her granddaughter while my mother died before she got the chance.

Makes perfect sense to me. As you say, your children will have no memories of their deceased grandparents so the middle name will be a nice link.

We did the same as confused. DD has DMIL's name for her middle name. She never knew her GC whereas my DM will have all that joy for many years. DM has never said anything, she'd have to be pretty insensitive to comment I think.

I think the living grandparents would be pretty ridiculous to be miffed at your honouring your deceased parents with a name. I would happily name a daughter after my deceased MIL and I know my mum would be fine with that, after all she is the one who gets to actually be a grandparent! My mum's name is a very unfashionable one that even she dislikes so I wouldn't use it for that reason.

I don't see a problem there. In some places it is downright weird to name a child after a living relative.

It is a completely personal choice and there are certainly no rules about it.

I just wanted to say that my DB and DSIL named their DD after DSIL's late mother (first name) with my mum's name as a middle name. My mum then passed away unexpectedly just a few weeks after my niece was born. I love that my niece has my mum's name as a mn now and I remember my mum being totally thrilled and flattered about it at the time too! I can completely understand why you would want to have a late parent's name as a mn, but I think, due to my personal experience, I would probably try to include both names. Mine is probably a bit of a special case though.

Thanks so much for your thoughts on this. It's reassuring to hear. :)

I would tell my mum of the idea before we find out the gender, so she'll at least understand that it's a principle rather than any favouritism. And then hope she's around for many years to come to make sure she's remembered too!

Decaff that must have been so sad for your family, and I agree it's lovely that your niece has your mum's name.

Thanks Lucy - yes, obviously it wasn't great.

Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy and name choosing!

You're very kind thank you!