What do you do in this situation?

[insanelycheerful]

DC3 due any day now.
Already have 2 DSs, don't know sex of this one.
Have a girls name firmly agreed.
Unable to agree on a boys name.
I have 3 or 4 favourites, DH actively dislikes one, doesn't much care for the others.
I've suggested loads of names that I would consider, even to the point of suggesting names I wouldn't normally choose just to try and find something we can agree on.
DH has suggested 1 name. One single boys name. It's a name I like but is top 10 and I worry he could be one of several in class, and I'd hoped for something slightly less popular (doesn't need to be outside top 1000 or mega unusual, just preferably not one of 4,500 each year...)

If DH won't agree to any of my suggestions, do I just have to go with his as a default?! Because I do like the name, it's just not what I would choose for our son. Didn't really want to name our child by default.....

Of course it could be a girl and there is no issue. But given I have 2 boys, I feel it's more likely to be another boy. And I need to feel we have this resolved in some way before the baby comes. Don't like to think of it being born nameless and us then wrangling over names when I'm in that crazy post partum haze, knackered and in no fit shape to make such a big decision.

I've told DH how I feel, and asked him to suggest other names, but so far nothing. I feel like he's just assuming we will call it his chosen name (and with his chosen middle name which is a family name on his side, someone we've never met as he died years ago so not a name I feel at all connected to). Just don't know what to do.

Please let it be a girl!!!

I don't think you should just accept a name that you don't love.
You may end up with name regret, and there have been quite a few posts about that recently.

What about using your DHs strategy, plainly say that your not keen on his suggested name, as he said to you about yours! He doesn't seem to be backing down, does he?
Maybe he knows that eventually you'll accept his name.
Tell him to put his thinking cap on and come up with some more names swiftish...you Both have to love the name you give your child!

hmmmmmm tough one. I don't think you should settle for the name he's chosen but then maybe he shouldn't settle for the ones you've chosen. could you use them as your list (including his name and excluding the one of yours which he really doesn't like) and then that's the agreed list and you have to find a way to compromise. I can understand why you want to have it sorted before baby comes but if you can't, you can't and at least you have agreed options and can see what baby looks like. just make a plan that you will agree a name the day the baby is born, before even ringing people to tell them the news.

also, I think if you are discussing names with you have just gone through the immense physical pain/challenge/miracle of birth, your DH may just be feeling so in love/awe/fear of you and what you've just done that he'll be a little more open to letting you have more say!

I am in exactly the same situation except I know I am having a 3rd boy a week today and while there are 1 or 2 names I dont "hate", I dont "Love" them either and DH only has 1 name he will consider :(

I am starting to feel really down about it as ds1 & 2 were named the day of our gender scan and never doubted the choice, this is the only downside of having 3 of the same gender!

I don't see why you should have to make a massive compromise on what is actually a really big deal while your DH won't even offer more than one suggestion. Is he always like that?

You need to sit him down and tell him: he's my son too and he's not going to be called Jack (or whatever), so what else do you have? Does he understand how strongly you feel?

Thank you for replies

I think I am struggling at the moment to understand how I feel about his suggestion because my judgment is clouded by the fact it's the only one he has offered, which has annoyed me! It is a name I love when I hear it (have always liked it as a name, it's a classic etc) but I don't want to go with it just in the absence of any other suggestions, if that makes sense?

I think that's a great idea to say we will agree the name the day the baby comes (assuming we've not done so beforehand). And I also note the point re DH possibly being a bit more accommodating/up for debate after I've pushed this baby out!

It is true that 3 of the same gender poses a potential problem with names! DS1 was easy to name as we both loved the same name. DS2 a little harder but again we found a name we both loved and also goes really well with DS1's name.

I really don't want to end up with name regret or feeling I was pushed into a certain name. It might help if DH would consider my suggestion for middle name at least (it is my maiden name, minus the final "s"), but at most he said he'd consider having 2 middle names with that as one of them. Our other DSs only have one middle name each so it feels a bit wrong to do that.

Hassled no he isn't usually like that. But with big decisions he does tend to be quite straightforward (for want of a better word). He will do his thinking by himself then make a firm decision on something and then share it. He is concise and decisive, whereas I have to research every option, discuss at length, can be indecisive etc etc. So I think he has done his thinking re names and thought "I like this one, she likes this one, job done."

I haven't helped matters by initially saying I liked his name, but the thing is I do. I just didn't realise when I said that it meant "name discussion over!" Since then I've said I would like to consider other options, and basically it ended up with me having to say an outright no to his name before he would agree to come up with anything else! (Even though it's not an outright no from me, but I really wanted him to go away and think about it a bit more!)

I thought he'd have suggested some others since then, but he hasn't (whereas I have suggested a couple more). We talked about a potential name last night but agreed it sounded funny with our other 2 DSs (and neither of us loved this other name anyway).

I just feel like we are going to end up with a name neither of us love and I can't help but feel sad about the lovely names I love but can't use! Then I remember it could be a girl and it will be so much simpler!

It sounds like you have taken your dhs surname, in which case if you go with your dhs chosen first and middle names, you will have had no input at all into your new ds' name

so i think you need to compromise. How about either he accepts one of your first name choices, or you get to use your maiden name as a middle name in return for going with his choice of first name?

MsBug I had thought of that as a potential compromise....thank you for the suggestion.

I have taken his surname, and DS1 has my dad's name as middle name, so DS2 has DH's dad's name as middle name, which is perfect. So for DS3 it is difficult to know what to go with. Don't see why it HAS to be a family name from his side though! It is actually DH's mum's dad's name. It's a bit unusual and I do quite like it, but neither DH nor I ever met him, and I think DH has mainly suggested it because he likes the name (it goes well with his suggested first name too) and also because he feels it would be a nice gesture to his mum who lost her dad quite young.

On the other hand, I only have one brother and whilst he is hoping to have kids, he has none as yet (and they may have to try IVF) and may never have a son, so I did think using my maiden name without the final S might be a nice way to "keep the family name alive", especially as I have taken DH's name through marriage.

We have 3 DD, we knew the gender for DD's 2&3.
DD2's name was agreed weeks before she was born & she was called that for about 5 minutes after her birth when I then burst into tears (hormones!) and said I wanted to call her something else (as I said we had both agreed on The name ages ago, so this wasn't a plan by me to get my own way!). She has the other name, DH didn't even argue at this point. DD3 is called the name that DD2 was supposed to be, it just suited her better!!

You have to love the name, better to wait until afterwards to see what suits them rather than make a mistake with one you aren't sure off.

No, DH doesn't just get to choose one name and that's that. If you don't agree you both have to keep suggesting things until one of you find a name you both like. Tell him he is being ridiculous and that he needs to find other names to discuss.

I think you need to talk to him and explain what you are thinking. If he won't compromise on first name - you choose middle name and NN. Make sure you are quite assertive if this is what happens and just tell him that you want part of his name (if it is a he) to relate to your family heritage. I did this with my DH, he moaned a bit at first but when he witnessed me giving birth (and getting torn to shreds!!!) he was happy to go with what I wanted!

I think you need to generate a new list.

You both need to go through a baby name book and write down every name that it is a maybe, then work from there.

Or, there is also a great website with the top 500 names. You tick every maybe name. Then click to "hide" your choices. DH then does the same, and the website generates a list of names which you have both clicked on. Don't remember what it is called, someone will hopefully know and link for you. It is only effective if you both tick every name you think is a maybe, not just names you really love.

Once you have a long list, you can start working towards a short list.

FWIW we had three boys, and all have DH's surname (my married name). DS1 has middle name from my side, DS2 middle name from DH side, and DS3 has my maiden name as a middle name. It was always a non-negotiable that I would get two of the middle names, because we all have his surname. DH always thought this was entirely reasonable.

Do either of the two family names work as a first name (I.e your maiden name or the family name your DH wants).

I think the middle name idea is nice though. Even if you don't have a connection to the person your DSs family will do.

My DSs middle name is someone in his dads family who killed himself when he was very young. DSs dad was very close to the man and it meant a lot to the family that we chose that for his middle name.

It means nothing to me at all, but it might mean something to DS in the future.

Don't settle on a first name you don't like though.