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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

Original poster

well meaning or interfering grandparents?

32 replies

Goldfitch · 25/08/2014 19:18

I've recently shared our chosen names for our beautiful little girl with my parents.

My mum's reaction was to a) tell me everyone she already knows with the same names and b) email me a few hours later saying we should swap the middle and first names as she thinks it sounds better that way round.

thoughts on how to handle gratefully received!!!! I don't want to say something regretful to them when they arrive to visit tomorrow after an 8 hr journey (we live in Scotland them in SE England)

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peppapigonaloop · 25/08/2014 19:22

This is not helpful now but ime never tell anyone the name beforehand! They will all have an opinion and chances are you won't like it!!

That said, you just have to keep reiterating this is the name WE have chosen thanks. Or nod and smile and don't engage!

WaffleWiffle · 25/08/2014 19:30

Too late now, but don't tell and never ask for opinions on chosen names.

I still feel awful 10 years after my nephew was born. My brother and sister-in-law asked for opinions on two names and without thinking I answered honestly about disliking one and preferring the other. They chose the one I had said I disliked. I really wish they had never asked me about it.

Original poster
Goldfitch · 25/08/2014 19:34

Thanks! I meant chosen as in we have told everyone because she's 5 days old and I've just booked the registrar appt.

we're not changing them, I just wondered what other people would do in same situation Wink

OP posts:
Original poster
Goldfitch · 25/08/2014 19:37

also I should add I didn't seek her opinion!

OP posts:
CarbeDiem · 25/08/2014 19:39

If it's mentioned then just cut off the conversation with ''we like it this way and that's what it will be''
Or you could say
opinions are like arseholes, everyone has one but they're better kept to oneself :)

Roseformeplease · 25/08/2014 19:39

Ask her if she had any problems when she picked your name.

Original poster
Goldfitch · 25/08/2014 19:42

Opinions are like arseholes Grin thanks Carbediem love that!

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CarbeDiem · 25/08/2014 20:04

Happy to share Wink

burgatroyd · 25/08/2014 21:44

I think you should in list your mothers help. Why not? Its OK to be challenged and to work together to find a name. DM named fdd1 and approved dd2 name. It was rocky but glad she contributed.

peppapigonaloop · 25/08/2014 22:04

Ah sorry misread your op..In that case they are being rude! Smile and nod and if needs be tell them to keep their opinions to themselves (if you have the kind of relationship where this won't cause massive offence!)

bouquetofpencils · 25/08/2014 22:09

Just emphasise how personal it is to pick a name, that obviously you've given it a lot of thought over the last nine months and you are very happy with your choice. And perhaps remind her that you were informing them of their grandchild's name, not seeking opinions.

BobPatandIgglePiggle · 25/08/2014 22:09

My mum hated ds' name (normal, top 60 name) and when people asked his name she'd say 'he's xxx, we don't like it but you know, young ones have funny ideas...' (I was 34, dp was 41!!)

I just said to her 'knock off slating ds' name. You got to choose 3, if you wanted a say in more baby names you should have had more babies'

You don't need to pander to them!

dying to know what she's called

Original poster
Goldfitch · 25/08/2014 23:10

Thanks everyone I feel much better and will just tell them to keep their opinions to themselves if needed!

By the way we've called her Elspeth Smile now she's been home a few days I can't imagine calling her anything else!!

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Sophronia · 25/08/2014 23:32

Elspeth is lovely. Congrats!

Brightbutchilly · 25/08/2014 23:37

Elspeth is a wonderful name, classic but not very common even in Scotland. Lovely meaning too. Elle, Ellie, Elspie fab short forms.

BTW your Mum is being rude. Smile and do your own thing she'll get used to it.

AlpacaYourThings · 25/08/2014 23:43

Ooh, I LOVE that name. It's a really beautiful choice.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 25/08/2014 23:47

May I ask why you are the ones making the 8 hour journey with a 5 day old baby? Shock

Were your parents not able to visit you instead? Confused

Elspeth is a very pretty name - especially when said with a Scottish accent!

Original poster
Goldfitch · 26/08/2014 06:59

Thanks everyone!

Santa in their defence they are coming to us, and also offering to cook and tidy the house, so its not all bad! just a bit lacking in tact Wink

making mental note never to inflict my own opinions without being asked first

OP posts:
burgatroyd · 26/08/2014 07:52

Elspeth is lovely! What was their suggestion?

birdofthenorth · 26/08/2014 09:14

Elspeth is just beautiful. Your folks are rude. My folks and ILs were very rude about DS's name (Arthur) and implored us to change it. We ignored them. They have learnt too live with it (& stuff them if they didn't!).

MaryWestmacott · 26/08/2014 09:20

Tell your mum she seems to be mistaken, you weren't asking her opinion, you were informing her what her granddaughter's name is, you've picked and aren't interested in hearing she thinks a different name or a different order would be better if she was picking, it's nowt to do with her.

And it's a pretty lovely name. If your Mum knows lots of people with it, then clearly their parents have good taste.

MrsWinnibago · 26/08/2014 09:24

LOVE Elspeth. Why didn't I think of that one!?

MaryWestmacott · 26/08/2014 09:27

oh and if you are wondering why your parents are being like this, it could be they are finding the mental shift from stuff to do with family children being their choice to realising they are being informed hard to do.

Especially if you either didn't get married or if you did, your parents were really involved, having a DC is often the first time grandparents realise they aren't the central people any more.

When DGC arrive for the first time, they go from being the mum and dad - who make the choices and are the primary adults in the family - to being the grandparents who aren't the ones in charge anymore. Even more likely if they live away and haven't been there to see you and your DP coping/planning with the pregnancy and becoming parents.

Often GPs seem to be overstepping the mark because they just haven't thought that it's not their business anymore.

At least it's just over the name, put her in her place nicely but firmly, do not entertain at all any pretence that your Mum has any sort of say or influence over the final name picked, or pretend to consider it. Much easier than over feeding/weening/sleeping routines etc.

Optimist1 · 26/08/2014 09:28

Beautiful name, OP! I suggest that when they arrive, you pass her to your mum saying "and this is Elspeth". Job done!

ACM88 · 26/08/2014 09:36

It's a beautiful name!!!

I agree with mary in that GPs, out of the goodness of their heart, can't seem to accept that it isn't their place, and actually they are no longer parents, so by being so involved it feels like they are being interfering and rude.

I had to tell my mom to back off when she was sending me 10 texts a day with name suggestions, sending me reviews on what buggy to buy, and when I told her I had already brought one, she said she thought it was ugly and would buy another one to keep at her house. I feel like I can laugh about it now, but was really upset at the time. I politely told her how angry she was making me and she backed off!!

Moms are great, but they aren't mind readers so you just need to be straight. Don't worry, you will feel better once you have said it, and it's important not to stress when you have a 5day old baby xxx