Would this put you off a name?

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I am 39 weeks today with DS2 and still have not got a name. A front runner is Jack which me and DP like (we don't have any names that we love - those I love he doesn't like and vice versa). My mum was asking about names and when I mentioned Jack she said "that was my dad’s name”. The reason I didn't know this is because he died years before I was born (when my mum was 21) but also he had left my mum and grandma when my mum was about 3 and my grandma almost had a breakdown and ended up with an alcoholic bully of a man who made my mums life a complete misery. My mum has (I think) made her peace with her childhood - she had no contact with her dad growing up (from what I can tell he would have liked contact but her stepdad said no way) but once she turned 16 and left home she did make contact and saw him a few times before he died. One of her most treasured possessions is a gold watch he gave her for her 21st birthday.

I still get upset that he left and that as a result of him leaving (for another woman) my mum had a rotten childhood (she has had a lot of therapy to get over it) I have checked with her and she has no problem with me using Jack at all (clearly more forgiving than me). So what do you think – would you just use it or go back to the drawing board?

I love the name Louisa but couldn't use it as I hated a girl of the same name at school. I'm not the best person to ask

That's a very difficult decision..... I'm not sure I could as I would worry about it.

I love the name Alice.

My mother had an older sister who died horribly of eye cancer when she was two that was called Alice. The name is associated with pain for her and my family, and even though it was fifty years ago and well before I was ever thought of, I just couldn't use it. I wouldn't want my child to be associated with any pain.

That is just how I feel - I know some people say you forget about associations but I worry I wouldn't.

Once your DS is born, he'll be the Jack in your family - your precious little baby boy, your mum's gorgeous grandson. If your mum has no problem with it I would go for it!

If it was the name of her stepfather then it would be a big "No", but she seems to have had a good relationship with her Dad when they did meet up and to be fair it's not really his fault that her stepfather was a horrible person. I take it you don't know the circumstances surrounding him leaving? it could be because he was immature and couldn't cope or maybe he felt that as they weren't getting on as a couple he was better going than staying and therefore thought he was doing a good thing?

Have you thought of using something similar if you feel that you don't want to go with it?

Jacob/Jake
James
Joseph or Jonah/Joe
John/Jonathan/Jon

I wouldn't use it if you have any suspicion that your mum is just being nice and hiding her negative feelings.

If you believe she genuinely doesn't mind then I would use it. As you say, you didn't even know his name until she told you.

The name Martin for me will forever be tainted by a boy t school with sinus/adenoid problems. He had a permanent green line from nose to mouth for about three years. Nice enough boy, but ruined the name for me.

I wouldnt use it. There are far too many names out there so I would pick another. You might want this more though because its a little taboo.

I say use it. You aren't naming your son after him, they just happen to be the same name.
As Soontobe says, it's not her dad's fault that her stepdad was horrible. If he had stayed she could still have had a horrible childhood but for different reasons.

The 21st present of a watch and it's importance suggests that she loved him and has separate feelings for her dad outside of her childhood.

Yes that would put me off.

How about James or Joshua?

I probably wouldn't use it to answer your question.

My DD has a family name as I wanted to honour the family member and keep her name alive. That's what I think of when it hear of someone using a family name.

I wonder now you know the association that you were previously unaware of, it might subconsciously put you off it over time.

However these are just my own musings and if you love it and your mum is ok with it, follow your heart.

What about jake instead.

His name was probably John really, nickname Jack.

It depends how your mum would feel about it I suppose. I'm just usually one for taking on board others opinions about names but given it may actually hurt her feelings it's a bit different.

*not rather than just. Helpful autocorrect to the rescue

Thanks for all your replies and I really like some of the alternative names! I think I will not use it -really helpful to think about things from all angles though and hadn't thought about things also being difficult if he had stayed.