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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

Does anyone have a Joseph that is never called by his name?

45 replies

GotAnotherQuestion · 29/05/2014 10:20

I appreciate nicknames are used and you can't help that.

However half of my family seem to have rejected my baby's name and only ever call him Joe. Or even worse spell it Jo!

I feel like I've got a boy called William who everyone insists on calling Bill, or something like that.

And the problem is that the half of the family refusing to ever use his full name have told all friends and neighbours (before we could) that he's called Jo. So now everyone is doing it.

Has anyone else had this problem before? I feel really stupid as I always knew you can't control what people call your child, and I really liked the name Joseph but didn't like Joe for a baby. I kind of thought nicknames would naturally happen at school.

OP posts:

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poppydaisy · 30/05/2014 08:01

A 2 syllable name like Joseph should not inevitably be shortened, it's disrespectful imo.
A very long name is more likely to be shortened, but my kids' names have 3 and 2 syllables and are almost never shortened,

I like Joseph (but don't really like Joe).

Hakluyt · 30/05/2014 08:22

I just think it's so sad that a loving diminutive can be called rude, disrespectful- all those other negative things. It seems to me to be all about the parent,, not about the baby. A baby can't have too many people loving him. And if that involves a particular pet name, then so be it. As I said, I love the long form of my ds's name- so that's what I use. What other people call him is up to them. I suppose I wouldn't like it if they decided to call him something completely different- but any of the many forms of his name is fine. Or his intitials, as his very cool older cousins call him. He used to glow with pride when they did that........!

beatingwings · 30/05/2014 08:29

I agree Hakluyt. It's not disrespectful it can be a way of showing affection, familiarity. My son's teachers call him by his shortened name ( which I always knew was a big prabablility)- for them it's a way of showing familiarity.

I think it can be a positive thing.

Original poster

GotAnotherQuestion · 30/05/2014 09:13

Perhaps it can be perceived as positive if it is when the child had understanding and can "bristle with pride" about it.

But never using the given name, ever. Not even once.That's acceptable to you?

Of course nicknames and love are all very nice and special but it is marred by refusing to ever call the child by it's given name. And that is my point.

OP posts:

devoncreamtea · 30/05/2014 09:42

I agree with you OP.

Other people (especially family and close friends) should be lead by the parents of the child.

My dh is Joseph, he was Joseph all his childhood, through school etc and only at college did he become Joe - which I think was accidental, but gave him a chance to be a new name in a new environment, so he went with it.

Even now his family and older friends call him Joseph, to the point where sometimes they look blank when I say 'Joe said...'!!

I love the name, it is my favourite boys name.

Shakirasma · 30/05/2014 09:55

He will always be Joseph to you, it doesn't matter what anyone else calls him.

My DB is called Andrew, my mum always hated anyone shortening it but as an adult he is Andy to his friends, colleagues, wife and her family. He is still andrew to us though, he even signs our cards as Andrew.

My name can also be shortened but, like my mum, I don't like the shortened version and always insist my proper name is used, it's my choice. When I meet new people I always seem to get asked if I prefer X or Y, and I tell them firmly that I am X. Not a problem.

Just let others get on with calling him Joe, he will always be your Joseph.

bruffin · 30/05/2014 09:58

Surely a nickname/petnames are actually a sign of affection.
Parents who insist on calling their children by their full name always come across as cold and controlling to me. It's interfering with other peoples relationship with the child.

Hakluyt · 30/05/2014 09:59

"But never using the given name, ever. Not even once.That's acceptable to you?"

Not acceptable or unacceptable. Just not really a "thing". I never called my ds by the name his grandfather used. Or any of the other possible shortenings because I preferred the long version. But that was my preference. Other people had other preferences.

bruffin · 30/05/2014 10:05

"Of course nicknames and love are all very nice and special but it is marred by refusing to ever call the child by it's given name. And that is my point."
I dont think either of my children have ever been called by their given names by the family either, it doesnt bother them or us. DS actually signed his card to his Nan Sammykins yesterday, he is 6ft and 18 years old

SmashleyHop · 30/05/2014 10:05

We call my Joseph by his middle name mostly- However I use Joseph when he's in trouble or official things like hospitals and school papers. I have only ever had one person shorten his first name. Calls him Jo Jo- it gives me the rages. Saying that I shouldn't be surprised, this man has a habit of giving people ridiculous nicknames.

I tend to use full names, not sure why. When I dated Chris's I called them Christopher (yes there were a few of them) My DH is Dan but I call him Daniel.

I will be a raging lunatic is anyone shortens my daughter's name from Lorelai to Lorry... She's not a ruddy truck.

Groovester · 30/05/2014 10:11

My son is called Benjamin. I recoil anytime people call him Ben. It's not that I don't like the name Ben but that's not my son's name! Grrrrrr

PandaWatch · 30/05/2014 10:22

I find it baffling that anyone should call a parent neurotic for wanting their baby to be called their given name!

kalidasa · 30/05/2014 10:32

We have a Joseph. He's only 18 months at the moment but no-one calls him anything but Joseph. (Except for us who quite often call him Yusuf or Youssef, and I call him Josey-Wosey!) But my DH is French and I don't think there's such an obvious nickname for it in French. Once he's at school I think it's up to him. I have a v. traditional four syllable name which has a very common nickname but I use the full one and so do my friends and colleagues (though not my family or my very oldest friends).

confuddledDOTcom · 30/05/2014 22:47

How can you be interfering with a relationship with someone who doesn't know them? How can you be interfering with the relationship of someone and a new baby?

I don't see an issue with shortenings if the person owning the name is happy with it and that's the rule I have set for my children. You don't shorten an adult's name without permission so why a child's?

My daughter growls any time anyone calls her that name and refuses to answer it, as I already said, her TA was disciplined for refusing to call her by her full name (saves time to drop a syllable when you have 30 children apparently ) then making a point of it by calling her by the shortening then adding the ending on - closest I can think would be calling an Elizabeth Lizzy-Beth. Was our complaining interfering with their relationship or improving it?

There are relatives who know her in passing who insist on calling her by her shortening, she refuses to talk to them. Who's interests is the shortening in? Not their relationship with their niece for sure, does it serve my interests to say she doesn't like that name?

Hogwash · 31/05/2014 06:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

doziedoozie · 31/05/2014 06:48

I think part of the problem is that his Dad is led by the females of his family and because they started it, he followed and calls him Joseph when with me and Joe when with them

Oh dear. Sounds like he is spending time with them when you aren't there.

But DS can correct them when he is old enough.

Hakluyt · 31/05/2014 06:49

"Oh dear. Sounds like he is spending time with them when you aren't there."

Or, maybe he likes Joe? Or thinks it isn't a big deal?

thekitchenfairy · 31/05/2014 08:53

I have a Joe too. Joseph on the birth cert but DH and I thought he would always be Joe. It was the name we chose.

For the first few years of his life he was Jojo, now that nn is only used by friends from those days and close family. Rarely used by anyone other than me, but special when I hear it. We moved when he was 4 so from that point forward Joe he was.

As he has gone through school though he is becoming more of a Joseph - baffled DH and I who always corrected teachers to call him Joe. But he said aged 7 not do do that because he liked the longer names of his friends and likes Joseph. And now he is 11 and about to go off to high school he introduces himself to new folk as Joseph.

ThingsThatShine · 31/05/2014 16:49

I love Joseph, absolutely fab name and I would also be annoyed if everyone Immediately went for joe! I agree with you it's one thing if he likes it himself and it happens naturally at school but I think when he's young it's rude to dismiss his given name!

I want to use the name Joseph after a family member and I love it but I think it's going in the middle for that reason.

I know a couple of Alexanders who were Alexander until about 7 then through school and their preference became Alex, that's fine. Their mums stopped everyone from dubbing them alex straight from birth! And Joseph is not even as long as Alexander.

HenriettaTurkey · 31/05/2014 17:30

Disclaimer: I have a William who we call Bill, and am considering a Joseph (who we will call Joe).

But....you're absolutely NBU - you're the parent; so you decide. However, what his friends call him at school, and whatever version of the name he chooses to adopt for himself - that's NOT your call. Pretty sure that's not what you're asking, though. :)

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