Kids and names

[alita7]

So dp has 3 kids already, they're 11, 11 and 10.

we told them about baby yesterday and they were all excited, then they asked about names. dsd 2 and 3 are mostly amiable to whatever name we choose, they have opinions but haven't slated any names we like or anything. Dsd 1 was being very opinionated, and saying we can't call baby x y or z she wouldn't call them that etc and went on and on about my favourite of the names we had, telling us we could have 1 of the boys names and 1 of the girls names as she liked those when we have decided not to name for sure until it's born. She wasn't getting angry or anything it wasn't malicious, just infuriating for me.

I wouldn't mind but dp feels their opinions should be taken into account more than I do. I think they should be able to discuss it with, but it's our choice and considering it's my first I want to be able to have the perfect name not have to compromise with 4 other people, dp and I can barely find enough we agree on as it is!

Interestingly, she hates his grandma's name which is his favourite of the list yet he's keeping it on the list but my favourite which he said he liked a few weeks ago is now off the list apparently after she said she didn't like it as he now doesn't like it either.

The list was:
lydia (my favourite)
Olivia(to be shortened to libby as I can't have Elizabeth due to dsds names, everyone likes it but surprise surprise dsd 1 says she'd refuse to call her libby, I don't really like it as much as I thought at first, just want to be able to shorten to libby)
Beatrice (he grans name)

Michael (a family name for me)
John (my dad's name but as it's dps cousins name too it's only loosely on the list)
max (imus she says she hates maximus but max is fine, I was intending to only call him max anyway but will put a proper name on birth certificate)
Cohen

This is why the wisest people just make the decision as a couple. If they voice opinions, you can just nod and smile and say you'll consider them all.

By-the-by - if you like the name Libby, why not just call her Libby? I think expecting Libby to come from Olivia is going to cause more difficulties.

It sounds as if she is used to ruling the roost.

I wouldn't involve her in any more discussions of names if you can help it.
Just smile, keep it lighthearted, you are in charge not dsd.

Liberty nn Libby?

Personally I wouldn't involve the children at all in name choice. It's for you and your DP to decide - more you actually, as he's already had three times when he's named his DC and presumably this is your first and your first chance to chose a name?

I would say that an 11 yo isn't the best person to pick a child's name.

She isn't naming a doll, it's a real person.

Max is a proper name!

Well I'm glad people agree that me and him should be picking!

She was very excited about baby, so I don't think she's not keen, she's just very opinionated and argumentative at times (something that isn't new) she's lovely too, I don't want to bitch, but it's Ok to tell me I can't possibly let her sister go out with a wacky hair style me and her had fun doing, not so much to rule what the babies called.

I want them to be involved but that conversation made me feel like dp will insist we take any choices to the panel of approval before it can be accepted and like you say this is not a doll, if they want kids they can name them, this could be my only opportunity to name a child, I can't stand the idea of ending up with anything I don't love just because dp vetoes because of the kids.

I was a bit worried it was unreasonable to not listen to them when it's their sibling, but I feel she's being too full on and opinionated for me to listen, her sisters have said if they do or don't like things and suggested things they like. she half jokingly called me mental because I didn't like any of the list of names she listed which she considered ok...

I don't want to call anyone offence I don't mean that max isn't ok on its own, but I'd prefer to give my child a longer name.

Thanks for the libby suggestions, I've pretty much exhausted any options ( had a thread a while back) and can't find any I like.

Buy her a pet to name! No way would I listen to a child opinion on something so important.. Bad enough having rabbits called Tinkerbell and Sparkles and a dog called Pepsi!

I think it's quite rude to call you 'mental'.

Tbh I would pull her up on that sort of thing sharpish.

Kids get no say in naming babies, especially considering that it is your first.

I would let your partner know in the sweetest possible terms that the children should have no say in what the baby will be called.

No say whatsoever.

My best friend asked her nine year old DD1 to help choose a name for DD2. Cue three months of raging tantrums because she couldn't be called Ariel Belle. They agreed on Jasmine in the end. I'm not sure whether BF actually liked that name, or it was just the best of the Disney princesses...

As pp have said, it really is up to you and DP to choose - don't put yourself in the same position as my friend!

I think if it goes too far I will definitely put my foot down!

I don't mind them making suggestions and discussing it with us, but I don't think I should back down from our choices for anyone else! thanks for letting me know I wasn't in the wrong!

Say no kindly. But just say no. And don't compromise!

Could you perhaps explain that when she's a woman and she has a baby she'll get to choose whatever name she likes for HER baby?

sounds like the brat needs knocking down a peg or two

If you plan on staying with your dp long term then i would knock the way she speaks to you right on the head!

She needs to be firmly told that she does not decide what to name the baby, and she will call the baby whatever you choose!

I think for me the issue is not that she is saying these things, she is a child, but that dp a. isn't telling at least telling her to drop it or settle down (especially after I already did and she didn't) and b. He just decided after telling me about a week ago that he liked it and it should go on the list, that he now doesn't want it on the list after her going on and on... seriously?!