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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

Would you mind if your child wanted to change their name?

25 replies

strawberryswing · 17/01/2014 15:07

my parents know I absolutely despise my name and I begged to change it growing up but was always refused.

Anyway its too late now but was just having a chat about names etc and my dad he would have been absolutely devastated and angry if I had chosen to change it.

i've tried to see it from their point bof view but I'm struggling, JUst wondering other peoples thoughts?

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Lilka · 17/01/2014 15:17

No I wouldn't feel angry at all, or upset. I don't really want my children to name change, but I would only be supportive of them if they chose to

It would take some time to get used to a change, but I'd understand

Of course it's easy for me to say when of my 3 childrens names (9 names including all the middle names), I have only chosen two of them, and chose them knowing that one day in the future my child might not want to go by them any more, although I hope he does.

I can really see how a parent who chose all the names themselves, putting great thought into it and picking a name with meaning etc, might be really hurt

Having said all this, if my kids changed their surnames back to their birth surnames, I would feel very rejected and upset.

Theonlyoneiknow · 17/01/2014 15:18

Mmmmm, depends. If they wanted to change it to their middle name I wouldn't be bothered but if something totally different, then maybe but I would let them do it.

Why is it too late now to change your name?

ISeeYouShiverWithAntici · 17/01/2014 15:26

I don't think it would bother me. It's their name. If they felt that it didn't 'fit' them, then who am I to say it does? I picked it cos I liked it. They aren't me.

But I suppose I might feel rejected or criticised if I was the sensitive sort like my choice of name wasn't good enough = I wasn't good enough, I, as parent, was somehow being rejected.

I dunno. People are weird. I can see it being some huge emotional mess. One of those people things that just doesn't make any logical sense

ancientbuchanan · 17/01/2014 15:31

It's never too late to change.

It's easier with a middle one, as you just say you want to be known as something else. One of my cousins did this as an adult. Deed poll takes more effort.

But is it a family name? Otherwise, really it's quite an irrational response from him.

What's in a name? A rose by any other name would smell as sweet....

Nofussplease · 17/01/2014 15:41

No, I wouldn't feel offended. Maybe a bit sad but if dc had a good reason to change it and they had thought it through, I would support them. I would probably encourage them to try their chosen name first to see if it really works so that they don't have any regrets.

I don't understand it when parents behave in this possessive manner towards their dc. We are our own persons, not just someone's' daughter or son. If your name makes you unhappy, go and change it!!! You will feel so much better for it. Maybe you might have to accept that your parents won't use your new name though, but I guess that would be ok?

Or else, could you choose a nickname? If not, don't let your grumpy dad prevent you from doing what is right for you!!

stilllearnin · 17/01/2014 16:10

My dd changed her name when she was 6 as she hated the one I gave her (it wasn't an unusual name at all). I love that she's her own person and I love her new name- its much better!! We felt like we'd lost something at first but got used to it really quickly. Do it if you still want to. Just start calling yourself something else!

PsammeadPaintedTheLion · 17/01/2014 16:24

My 4 year old is currently insisting she's called Hepzibah.

I'd be upset, if I am honest, but I am also bringing them up to be their own people. I'd live with it, as much as any parent lives with a decision of their offspring which they feel is perhaps not brilliant.

Morgause · 17/01/2014 16:26

I know of a few people who've changed their somewhat "out there" names to something more mainstream.

91chloejp · 17/01/2014 16:29

I wouldn't mind at all. It's his identity at the end of the day and if he felt that the name I chose doesn't reflect it then by all means.

Slightly off topic, but DH hates his surname but is keeping it as his dad is still alive. I kept my surname (DH asked me to) and DH wants to adopt mine. DS has both mine and DH's on his birth certificate so he can choose which one to drop later on in life.

Original poster

strawberryswing · 19/01/2014 00:38

Thanks for your replies :)

The name has no meaning, not a family name etc he saw it on a tv programme and decided he liked it. My middle name is nice and normal and would have been happy to change to that, but no.

I just think its too late as everyone knows me by my name now. I think the questions about why I'm suddenly going by a different name more annoying than the questions about how to spell/pronounce my current name!

Thanks for all your opinions :)

OP posts:

AdoraBell · 19/01/2014 00:42

I wouldn't be upset either, definitely not angry.

Luckily both of mine like their ñames, I'm seriously considering changing mine and I've just turned 46, How old is "too late"?

cece · 19/01/2014 00:46

No would be up to them really.

DD occasionally mentions it but has not done anything about it.

DS1 told me this week that he really liked his name as it wasn't common (popular) but it wasn't weird either. He likes that it is normal but that we don't know any others iyswim.

DS2 is too young at the moment to comment. The midwife named him anyway

Homebird8 · 19/01/2014 01:02

strawberryswing don't despair.

My DM hated her given name all her life. As a child chose a completely different one and told all her friends that's what she was called. Then, one day, there was a birthday invitation address to to her chosen name, not her given name. DGF wouldn't let her go to the party until she promised to tell everyone what her 'real' name was.

Jump forward over half a century. She changed her name by just asking everyone, DF included, to call her a name of her choosing (not the same as the childhood choice). And that is who she was until she died and what we chose for her gravestone. It was tricky at first for people to remember but family and good friends just reminded each other and people around and it became normal. Easy for me of course because she was always just 'Mum'.

Go for it in the circles that wouldn't be upset. Perhaps don't tell your father. I have two friends who have a family name and a friends name.

MrsRuffdiamond · 19/01/2014 01:03

My 3 ds have got four names each to choose from, so I think I'd be a bit nonplussed, if any of them decided to change to something completely different!

I don't think I'd be upset, although it would take a bit of getting used to, I suppose.

I know this is about first names, but I wonder if it feels strange, at first, to parents when their daughters get married, if they take their husband's surname?

Rosencrantz · 19/01/2014 01:23

A friend just did this and her mum is livid. She is 21, and has a very pretty new name, but her mum feels rejected.

It's only her taste in names being rejected though!

AdoraBell · 19/01/2014 01:44

MrsRuff my mother was shocked and confused that I kept my own Name on marriage, actually double barrelled it. PILs were disgusted and still are 15 years later.

chinley · 19/01/2014 01:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lechers · 19/01/2014 09:06

I have a name I do not like, so have been known by a nickname for the past 20 years.

When I named my children, I chose names that had lots of options (like Elizabeth), so my DDs have got a choice of 5/6 different names all stemming from their first name. Both DDs have now chosen nicknames for themselves, and are known as that, but DD2 has just decided she likes her full name, so is thinking of reverting to that.

I hope I have given my DDs lots of choice, but if they decide they don't like any of the possible nicknames, then it wouldn't bother me if they changed it. It's their name, they are the ones who have to live with them, not me! I think people forget that sometimes.

wightjellybaby · 19/01/2014 09:31

I hate the way local people pronounce my name all through school and collage it really wound me up and sounded so common. When I left and got a job I decided enough was enough I shortened it and now its ok.

Mother wont call me by my shortened name and has caused many arguements between us, they always end with her saying if it means that much to me shell call my by my preferred name but she never has dont think she ever will now.

brokenhearted55a · 19/01/2014 14:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Algorithm · 20/01/2014 10:17

I am not the biggest fan of my name but I don't think I could change it as I just feel I am the name? I think it's the lack of NN that means I have to be my name and the only NN is a shortened version of the name (e.g. Beth from Bethany instead of Libby from Elizabeth) so I have to deal with it. Idk I just feel like people would not take me seriously if I tried to change my name as I would be going from a rather strong and uncommon name to something 'boring' as they are the sorts of names I like.

steppemum · 20/01/2014 10:28

I think that if you choose to call your child by a very unusual or 'out there' name, and don't give them a second name that could be an option, then you have to accept that they may hate it and want to change it when they are older.

That is one reason why mine all have middle names, and why I personally would always give them the whole name on their birth certificate (Thomas rather than Tom) because it does give them options to make their name their own.

My name is commonly abbreviated to a nn with a y ending (like Catherine to Cathy) I have always hated that and insisted on a different nn (like Cath) and now as a adult I am always called by my full name and no-one uses a short version, except on occasions my Dad and my cousin. I really appreciate being able to find a version that suited me.

But if I had been called Ocean Skye. I would have changed my name!

Stellaface · 20/01/2014 11:07

I have a name like Elizabeth although not quite as flexible, and quite liked being able to choose and change my NN. It is hard to get people to call you what you want if you change after a long time, so I took the opportunity to change when changing secondary schools away from people I'd gone to primary with, and then again when going to uni. Felt like new name for new start (even though uni name was back to what I'd been called as a child, so DPs were happy!).

However, not all sunny - there is one (fairly obvious) abbreviation of my name that I loathe, and let people know in no uncertain terms (not rudely, obv). As children, this was a great chance for kids to take mick etc and I just ignored it as mild teasing, but only a couple of years ago I worked with a man who was about 35 going on 5, thought it was hilarious to keep calling me this NN in our small office. I told him I didn't like it and asked him to stop, then just stopped responding until he used my proper name. It took other colleagues calling him stupid variations of his name to get him to stop though, and he actually got quite seriously wound up yet didn't see the irony.

Totally agree with a pp re one name with friends, another with family. Even if they cross paths, just let friends know that you prefer X but Dad wants you to be called Y so please try to avoid using my X name in his presence, sort of thing.

lljkk · 20/01/2014 11:09

Long thread about this recently, some people made it clear that they would be horrified, others thought it no biggie. I wouldn't mind.

gruffalosfriend · 20/01/2014 13:05

No, I wouldn't mind. But I would encourage them to wait until they're old/mature enough to make an informed decision.

They might find their name too popular (and hate being Jack A., Jack B. or little Jack) or they might find the name too teaseworthy (e.g. Will/Willy, or Benedict/Bendy Dick), or they might find their name difficult to pronounce (perhaps in another language of the country they might be studying/working one day?). LOTS of reasons they might want to change their name!

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