AIBU to choose a name that's the same as a friend's child?

[theborrower]

We're expecting DC2 in July. We're having real bother choosing a girls name in particular (if it's another girl - we already have a DD) and any names I like/have liked have been used by friends who have had their second children before us.

What's the etiquette on picking a name that one of your friends has already picked? If you love it, should you still go with it? Or if you were the friend, would you be pissed off that we picked the same? Does it make a difference how close you are to them, or how common the name is?

It depends on how in touch you are with the friend.

If you don't see each other that often and your dds won't really mix then it's ok.

If you are close friends I would suck it up and choose another name. There are literally thousands of other options.

If I were your (close) friend and you called your baby the same name as mine I would think it was odd and would probably be a bit miffed.

I would say it depends how close your social circle is. They probably don't want to have too many with the same name in her friendship group. I would be inclined to steer clear of you live near to each other but not mind otherwise.
Is really tricky isn't it! What are your choices?

Yes, I think it depends firstly how popular the name is and secondly how close you are. If you are going for a name in the top 20 then however close you are I don't think they could take issue. But if it is a more unusual name then they may feel a bit pissed off. Especially if having an unusual name was important to them. If it is a close friend I would avoid it. If it's a rarely seen facebook friend then I wouldn't worry too much. Tricky decision though!

I would say it depends how close your social circle is. They probably don't want to have too many with the same name in her friendship group. I would be inclined to steer clear of you live near to each other but not mind otherwise.
Is really tricky isn't it! What are your choices?

Sorry, I can't give you the names as I think it'll out me!

A friend has a daughter (M) which we really like but we see them quite a bit and she plays with my DD (born at same time, we became friends when pg). Her 2nd daughter also has a lovely name. Both are def not in any top chart though, so it would be too weird I think.

It's the same with another name, lets call it E. two friends, both pretty close, have chosen it, so that would be weird too. But it's lovely :-(

And another name is the daughter of a someone who's mostly a FB acquaintance (mutual friends etc). Again, a more unusual name, but I think we'd get away with it.

And as for boys... Our top 3 to choose from are in the top 10 but they have strong family connections so we'll still go with that, even though we know someone's kid with the same name.

Sorry, not so much unusual than not so common. It's because I think they're mumsnetters (although probably not as regular as me) and coupled with my username they would know it's definitely me!

Ok, will do some pondering. And more long listing...

Look at Variants of the names

For example if the E name is Eloise consider Eloisa/Louise/Louisa or Elodie
if the M name is Molly consider Holly or Polly

Facebook friend go for it.

we didnt call dd2 for Niamh due to a NCT friend having their oldest dd called it. Now 15 years on we have no contact not even on Facebook.

I think if you have to ask the question, deep down you know the answer.

I had this situation, a name I loved was used stolen by a friend, when I got PG we met up and I said something like what a coincidence it was that her DD name was on my list, she was brilliant, said that's its such a beautiful name she was surprised more people didn't use it. I went off it in the end and called my DD something entirely different fickle

If you know a lot of people it's very hard to choose a name t hat none of them has used already.

I found this with dc3

I used something NO one ever uses (I think he was one of about 3 born in 2013 in the UK - would be more in Scandinavia though) and everyone assumed we were trying to be different well yes that was the point.

It is a minefield.

I would use it, and I am sure your friend would understand. It is unlikely that your baby and your friend's baby would spend all their time joint at the hip even when adults in which case it doesn't really matter, does it? What matters much more is that your child gets a name you are truly happy with. What if your friend moved away - how would you feel then for having sacrificed a name you really loved. Remember we spend most of our life being adults and I am sure your child would find it odd that you couldn't give her a name you really wanted because there was once someone with the same name?