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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

How to stop family from using a nickname instead of full name?

21 replies

looki · 10/10/2013 22:30

HI, I have more or less finally decided on a name for my baby. However it has a potential nickname that I really don't want my DD called. I've previously posted here about it and was reassured that the nickname I'm concerned about isn't one that is used much at all and after considering all that for the past few weeks, I've concluded I like the name enough to use it and take the risk.

Today the realisation dawned that my sister (who doesn't have kids) will intentionally call my DD that name simply because it isn't a particularly nice nickname and her strange love of 'mocking' other people means she will definitely use it. She will write it on envelopes and cards as well and whether I ask her not to use it or not means she will still do so.

I know that she will do this regardless of any name I choose so it isn't enough to turn me off the name altogether but it is giving me doubts because I already KNOW she will do it.

Has anyone else experienced something like that and how did you deal with it. I think I will cope better with it if I'm prepared with a reply......thanks.

OP posts:

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CreatureRetorts · 10/10/2013 22:33

Your sister sounds delightful.

If she will do it anyway, then go with the name you like.

And tell your sister to grow up.

mignonette · 10/10/2013 22:37

If asking her nicely won't work I'd be inclined to tell her bluntly to stop being a dick and use the name you have asked her to.

We have this issue with my husband. His family insist on calling him by a name he wasn't given, that he hates and that they know he hates. His Mother is the most militant. I know call her by the full name she was given which she hates. It is starting to work.

Maybe you could re christen your sister? childish but often effective. Good luck!

Original poster

looki · 10/10/2013 23:37

I think she does this because she hates her own name so makes herself feel better by giving everyone else an awful nickname type of thing.....

I have a very simple name and she managed to make up a word (literally) and calls me this letter combination. The bigger problem is that she refers to me by this name and it catches on. DD1 also has a very simple name and my sister puts on a weird accent every time she says it along with insisting on calling her by her first AND middle names.....

I really don't want her to do the same thing with the baby's name though as the nn is very likely to stick as its a recognised nn :-(

OP posts:

CreatureRetorts · 11/10/2013 06:34

Don't let her win.

I would also call her on it - "just because you don't like your name sis, there's no need to give everyone else stupid names". If she denies it, ask her why she does it then because you don't like it.

Does she have kids?

MothershipG · 11/10/2013 06:41

I didn't see your other thread but I do think choosing a name you don't like a nn for is a risky strategy. What if that's the nn he gets called at school?

But it does sound like whatever you choose your sister will find a way to be mean about it.

DontmindifIdo · 11/10/2013 06:54

Well, if your sister is a bitch, then my advice would be to minimise contact. But also, don't correct her if she uses the nickname, she's trying to get a response to show she's upset you, don't give her one. If anyone else in the family uses the nickname, correct them, but not her. Rather than being the name your dc is known by, it'll be aunty bitchfaces silly name for them.

Another tactic, is there another nickname you do like? In which case for your sister (and possibly your parents) don't introduce your new baby with their full name but by the nickname you like.

I also think it might be wise to point out to your sister she's able to legally change her name if she doesn't like it, much better than being all bitter if other people don't have equally crap names...

JugglingChaotically · 11/10/2013 07:03

We had the same problem - and choose a different name as a result. No regrets. Love DDs name and no stress with family wind ups.
Cop out I know but it worked.

Original poster

looki · 11/10/2013 07:53

Our second favourite name was a contender for DD1 and after DD1's name was announced, I told her the other name we had in mind. She pronounced it really badly with a Mexican accent every time she repeated it and made a hard 'g' into a soft 'g' so the name sounded really ridiculous. It's one of the main reasons I'm not using that name this time :-(

I wouldn't mind but she is an English teacher and comes across a wide variety of names on a daily basis. She really seems to have a hang up about names but her face to face mocking disguised as 'humour' seems to be reserved for family members.

OP posts:

Coupon · 11/10/2013 10:44

Use the name you like best.

Unfortunately whatever name you choose, it looks like there's a chance your sister will do the same thing anyway. So don't be put off choosing your favourite name.

Oh and it makes no difference that she has no children. Most childless people wouldn't be so rude!

Rosencrantz · 11/10/2013 17:10

I'd remove contact with her from baby while she's using that name.

Anything with the nickname on from here can be handed back - 'Sorry, I don't have a child by that name'

SatinSandals · 11/10/2013 17:18

Just ignore- don't acknowledge in any way.
Parents have no control over nicknames, the only person to have any control is the person themselves.

laughingeyes2013 · 11/10/2013 17:34

It's a nightmare isn't it?

We gave our baby a name and the in laws have never used it. They chose right from the start to shorten it and it feels as though they don't accept the name we chose! I get annoyed personally, but my husband just joins in with his family and uses the nickname around them, and the full name around me!

I wouldn't mind as much if they'd started off using the full name and then it changed as time went on, but the full name was dismissed right from the start.

laughingeyes2013 · 11/10/2013 17:37

But in answer to your question in the title - I don't think there is anything you can do to stop them, which is why I haven't even mentioned it to my husband. I suspect it would give them pleasure as they're quite a controlling family.

I am determined not to join in though! I will use the full name or choose a nickname of my liking instead, depending on what suits him as he grows.

SatinSandals · 11/10/2013 17:59

I would think my mother nutty if she told me that I didn't have contact with my aunt because she gave me a nickname! It really doesn't matter, your child will sort it out when they are older.

laughingeyes2013 · 11/10/2013 18:50

You can always teach your child to correct her naughty aunty!

SatinSandals · 11/10/2013 19:02

You don't need to teach her, she will either correct her or like it, it will be her name and entirely up to her.

CreatureRetorts · 11/10/2013 19:42

Is your sister 12?! She sounds very childish.

Tikkamasala · 12/10/2013 00:25

Your sister sounds a treat OP From the sounds of it she will be rude whatever name you go for, so just choose what you love!

Phoebe47 · 15/10/2013 11:51

Your sister sounds like a really nasty person. If I were you I would have as little contact with her as possible. Call your child by the name you have chosen and ignore aunties version of it.

notadoctor · 18/10/2013 08:59

Although your sister sounds very rude, I don't think you can ever dictate a child's nickname - you won't be able to decide what their friends call them or even what they want to call themselves when they're older.

sashh · 18/10/2013 09:47

Use the name you want for your daughter.

Make up a vile nickname for your sister and insist your children use it.

"come along we are going to visit aunt saggy knickers today".

"oh look what aunt saggy knickers has got you"

This can of course be shortened to "Aunt Saggy" if she objects to the full name that you your eldest made up.

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