Should I ask SIL permission for use of middle name?

[roweeena]

Myself and sister in law are both pregnant - I am 4 weeks ahead. I would quite like to use my DHs grandmothers name as a middle name. It is quite a different unusual middle name and my DH is keen to use it as well. (don't wannt to say the name itself so lets pretend its Vita)

SIL knows she is having a girl and I know the name she has picked for the baby (it is not her grandmothers). FIL has told me they were considering the name (Vita) but that SILs husband veto'd as he was worried about the girl being picked on at school etc.

Anyway I don't know if she wants to use Vita as a middle name, but I do. I imagine SIL DHs has veto'd it outright but I'm not sure. We don't know the sex of our baby so this might not matter anyway but if it is a girl I really think I would like to use the name. I also think I am likely to give birth first (although not definite as I could be late and she could be early).

Anyway what do you think is the etiquette in this situation, do i need to ask SIL if she is planning on using it?

ps SIL and myself are not particularly close, wouldn't phone her up for a chat and I suppose part of me is a bit worried that if I ask her she will just say she wants to use it anyway - although that sounds really petty now I've written it down!

Myself and a few of my cousins have my Grans name as our middle name. Its a family name, although not unusual, so I don't think anyone asked anyone else's 'permission' first.
Maybe you should tell her out of courtesy rather than asking her which gives her the option to say no.

I think you don't need to ask. You shouldn't ask.

Use it if you want. As far as you know, she has considered it and ruled it out. So it's up for grabs.

But if her baby arrives first and she does use it, I would use something else instead, so have a plan B.

Once your baby arrives you just say here is our baby, she's called Esmerelda Vita, as a done deal. Show no weakness, it's decided.

I wouldn't ask about a middle name. It doesn't matter if you both use it.

If you do decide to mention it I would tell her that you will be using that middle name for a girl rather than asking her if that is ok.

No.

The only people whose permission you need to use a family name are:
you
your DH
the person whose name it was "originally" (if they are still alive)

I wouldn't worry about it.

1. it's a middle name and to be honest who cares about middle names?

2. she's your DH's Granny too

I was going to say ask, but then I realised DD2's middle name is DMIL's first name (she was always called by her second) and I never thought to ask DSIL if she minded.

(DMIL died suddenly while I was expecting DD2).

My cousin and I both have our grandmother's name as our middle name. I think it's quite nice that we share it. I was born a couple of years later, I don't think my mother had any qualms about 'stealing' it. My cousin has also used it as the middle name for her dd1, so I don't think she minds sharing it either!

My nephew is two years younger than ds2. DN's first and second names are the same as ds2's two middle names. They had no idea what my DS had as his middle names. One is a family name so no surprise we both used that, and the other is a top ten boys name.

I suppose what I am saying is, middle names don't matter too much and you should go with it. Maybe the polite thing would be to mention it but in a 'we are going to name Dd.....' rather than 'do you mind if we name dd....'

My nephew is two years younger than ds2. DN's first and second names are the same as ds2's two middle names. They had no idea what my DS had as his middle names. One is a family name so no surprise we both used that, and the other is a top ten boys name.

I suppose what I am saying is, middle names don't matter too much and you should go with it. Maybe the polite thing would be to mention it but in a 'we are going to name Dd.....' rather than 'do you mind if we name dd....'

It's not your SIL's name (even if you can own a name) it's GMIL's so it's not her place to say if you have permission to use it or not. OK so she is/ might be using it but she's using after someone else just like you would be.

Oops...I don't feel that strongly about it...!

I wouldn't ask permission but I'd bring it up in conversation so she knows in advance. I don't think it matters if cousins have the same middle names anyway.

My dd and my sister's dd have the same middle name- both named after our aunt. Didn't even cross my mind to ask for permission to use it, and it's never even been discussed. And if she's pissed off with me, she's hiding it very well

It would be rather nice for the cousins to share a middlename wouldn't it? As a kid I was more interested in who had the same name as me rather than wanting to be unique.

I think it would be nice to share middle names. We have a family middle name and i like that it reminds me of my grandma when i think about it.

I dont think you need permission, but i think that i would always be worried whether it had caused tensions. Also, you dont want to be whittling about it whilst pregnant. If it was me, i would have to mention that we had been thinking of Vita for a middle name if you have a girl. Id either go own the route of saying you know they have also been thinking over names and it wouldnt be a problem if the name was shared in a serious way or say it in a jokey way that they could share the name if they liked it too.

I wouldnt ask permission as some people just want what they cant have, and i think you are within reason thinking that this might happen with your sil.

No Need to ask its your daughters relative she will be named after (if it is a girl)..

All of mine are named after people we love/d the 2 who were still alive when we named our children after them were not asked and both were very touched by it.. (sil and my step- grandfather)

I honestly wouldn't bother asking for a middle name. Possibly not for a first name either!