should I ask if we can use the name?

[wonderingifiam2013]

50/50 chance as not finding out the sex.

DB and DSIL have decided it's very unlikely they will ever have children. But in a conversation years ago, they did say that if they were to have a girl they would use our Grandma's name as their daughters middle name.

We have a girl, who has our other grandmother's name as her middle name ... are you still with me? ! Therefore if we have another girl we'd like to use the other Grandmother name as it seems a fitting thing to do.

So ... for those still with me. Do I ask my brother and DSIL if they mind us using it?

My DH doesn't seem to think it's an issue as they might not have kids anyway, whereas I don't see any harm in asking as it's polite and the likelihood of them saying no is slim. Plus they won't get the 'oh - we said we'd use that name' feeling I know upsets so many people.

Here's where we have a boy and they decide it's a definite no on kids!

If you really like the name I would just use- no point wasting it on a maybe. First come, first served & I'm sure everyone will appreciate you honouring your gm. Alternatively they could say no, or just say yes cos they feel they have to- & then where would you be...

I wouldn't ask either. They may have boys, not be able to have children or not even like it. You can't bagsie a name! I agree, first come first served.

Are you using it as a middle name? In that case in my mind you wouldn't be stealing it because most people wouldn't even know it was her name. Cousins can easily have matching middle names anyway.

Are they medically prevented from having children, or just not interested? If the former, I would mention it to them first, but if the latter I might not even bother.

middle name no problem
dd1 and my niece both used one family middle name (we used it first)
dd2 and niece on other side both use another family middle name (they used it first)

the dcs actually love the fact that they have this connection and it is so drastically different with their own first names that it never sounds copied

middle name fine, and its not as if she is pregnant anyway and saying she will use it within the next few months. anything could happen.

No need to ask. My ds shares a family middle name with one of my nephews as well as half the men in the generations above. If dc3 was a boy we were going to use the same family middle names that my cousin used for her ds. I did mention it to my cousin in passing (didn't ask her permission) and she thought it was a nice Idea but we ended up with a Dd so didn't use the name!

I have the same middle name as my cousin. Really not a big deal.

You're purely talking middle names aren't you?

Middle names just don't matter, I have NO clue what my cousins' middle names might be.

Family name as a middle name, no need to ask. I'm half thinking of using the grandmother's names that DB has used for DN's middle name as middle names for anu future DDs. I wouldn't ask then.

What's the name? I'm desperately looking for inspiration!
And I think it's totally fine to use it in these circumstances.

How would you feel if they say 'No, absolutely not!' though?
Better not to ask.

it's a middle name - I wouldn't see this as an issue at all.

If you ask them would you drop the name if DSIL and DBro were upset?

If you used the other grandmother's name it may not come as a total shock.

Plus if you took DH's surname then your DD wouldn't have the same names combo as your DBro's child, would she?

As it's a middle name I don't think it'll be a problem.

Middle name, wouldn't bother to ask. They could say no and never have girls and you'll forever live with the knowledge you turned down a name you really want.

My sister is upset with me that my youngest's second middle name is the name she'd want for a girl. The fact that she's never told me, is in the process of a divorce and doesn't want children because she's got narcolepsy and catalepsy don't come into it apparently!

Use it, just please ignorance if they say they were going to use it

plead*

Don't ask they might say no and there would be upset.

Just use it.

No, first come first served! Esp if they would only have used it as a middle name.

It's just a middle name so I think just use it if you want to. It hardly stops them also using the same middle name if they do have children and want to use it.