how do you choose a name?

[amandasegal]

where do you start?? i can't think of any name i want.. tell me how you chose your names, maybe i'll get inspired.. thanks

We have criteria that a name needs to fit:

• it needs to be Jewish/Hebrew (we are, we're not weirdos)
• it needs to work in French and English
• we both have to like it

We have literally spent months going "what about David?" "how does it sound in French?" "no, I don't like that" "but I do. Oh wait, there was that douchey guy I worked with once. David is out"
and so on and so on.

We have a list now of 3 girls and 5 boys names which have gone through this exhaustive process and been approved. Problem is, we can't remember what they are anymore.

Oooh, we have a lot of requirements for names to pass!

requirements for boys names (most of these from DH):
Does it sound like he could be leading out the England Rugby team?
Does it sound like you'd trust him to fix the breaks on your car?

If you were on trial for a murder you didn't commit, unable to afford to hire your own barraster, and heard the name of the one that had been appointed to represent you, would you think "will be home in time for tea" or "it's going to be at least a decade before I sleep in my own bed?"

Remember as much as this will be your little baby, one day some woman will breathlessly say this name in a moment of passion (DH added this one in as well - he argued well that half the names I liked would be passion killers and that I was scuppering my chances of being a grandmother one day)

For girls:
Does it sound like the CFO of a FTSE 100 company?
Does it sound like the name of a woman in her 30s (not just a cute toddler)?

For both - have you thought about all possible nicknames from it and are you happy with the shortenings? Are there any obvious bullying opportunities with a name? (particularly in combination with your surname) Does it (along with your surname) sound stupid in any particular accents? For middle names, when they are stood at the front of church on their wedding day and say "I [first name, middle name, surname] do take...." will several of their friends who've never known their middle name snigger?

for all names - have you picked a spelling of the name that will force them to spend a lifetime either on the phone to call centres saying "no, without an I, and it's a K not a C. Yes I know it's not the normal spelling" (or similar) or saying "no, I didn't get that e-mail, can I just check the spelling of the address you've sent it too?" (I have an unusual spelling of a common name. Drives me insane)

And, every couple of months I will find some kind of, er, creative name that DH rejects outright because he has no imagination. For e.g., Abisheva (turns out it's a Kazakh surname, but SERMANTICS) for a girl, which would kind of be in Hebrew something like "father's seven" and dH was just all "no, it's too weird, the kid will be teased" about it. Likewise Batsheva. He has no imagination sometimes.

I know a few people who had chosen their perfect name and then when baby arrived, took one look at baby and chose another name as they felt that the original choice didn't suit the child! In all cases, they were right, the 'impulse choice' name does suit the personality of the child much better than the planned one and is very 'them'. So my advice would be to be prepared to change if it seems appropriate.

I looked at the credits on tv shows and films, and wrote down those that I liked. I kept a list on my phone and added everything to it I liked, DH did the same, and we matched & whittled down

Went through loads of family names, trawled through a baby name book and just whittled it down.

We actually started discussing baby names within weeks of starting our relationship, which was 12 years before our first baby came along.

We each made a list of 10 boys' names and 10 girls' names. Then we swapped and crossed off the names we hated and agreed that I would choose first name for a boy and dh would choose mn. If it was a girl it would be the other way round. Eventually we had one of each and were happy with the names chosen.

I'm afraid our process was more about what we didn't want and seeing what was left:

No initial that was already in the immediate family or a surname. So not the same initial as my name, dp's name, or either surname. I had the same initial as my grandfather who lived with us when I was a teenager and post was often addressed to t defrance (no mr/miss) so he often opened my post.

No name that was already in use by our generation of the family or friends - brothers, sisters, bils, sils, cousins.

Pronouncable by foreign friends / family (French in my case)

For girls - no girls version of boys names (eg Louisa) or anything too flowery. Actually any girls name ending in a. Our girls list was pretty short!

Something long that could be shortened if wished. DS1 now goes by 2 different shortenings neither of which occured to us when choosing the name and does not like to be called by the long version, but at least has the option when he grows up if need be.

Only one spelling - so Isabel/Isabelle/Isobel and Catherine/Katherine/Kathryn were rejected

Not in the top 50 - managed this with DS1, DS2 is in the 40s somewhere I think. My name is pretty unique in this country and I like that. But agree with pp's saying boys names need to be more traditional.

No negative associations, eg I liked Michael but DP knew someone at work who he didn't like. I imagine this is very difficult for teachers.

I think that was it!! In the end DS1's name was a character in a film I saw when pregnant. DS2's had been on the shortlist for DS1 and we hadn't had any better ideas (or none we could agree on!)

Wow tourdefrance, would love to know what names you ended up with!

Our final shortlist was 3 of each, not 10 that other people have mentioned.
Well I don't want to out myself with the final choices, but for girls we had Miriam, Jennifer and can't remember the 3rd. For boys our 'leftover' names were Philip and Paul.

We asked everyonr to donate two names which we added to our long list. There were some duplications but a decent selection of names. Once dd was born we tried ouy the names with our chosen middle names & surname. we discarded the ones that didnt go & were left with 5 names which we voted on. It was a choice between Eva & our dds eventual name. Eva was rejected because it had been used by my cousin.