Baby name politics

[liger]

What do we do? One of the front running names for my DD also happens to be the same name as my MIL. I've known MIL for 9years and had no idea this was her given first name as she always goes by her middle name.

Both DH and I like the name on lots of levels, but we never had any intention of honouring MIL by naming our DD after her, and we would feel we were giving a false impression by using it. Also DH is not keen on his Mum feeling she has some additional 'ownership' over DD due to a shared name - clearly some delicate issues in DH's relationship with his Mum!

But despite this we feel it suits DD and suits our family. So do we use it regardless and deal with the MiL fallout. Or scrap it altogether and try again?

The name is Elsa, MIL has a different spelling.

Use it. It's very pretty.

It's a lovely name and if your mil isn't even known by that name I don't see a problem.

Your DD will be THE Elsa of the family.

Oh thank you for your thoughts. I feel very lost in the implications of it all, and protective of my DD.

Also wonder whether it's worth all the hassle of the implications if Elsa is too much of a blur with other Ella/Eva names???

I think it is fine to use it but completely understand why you wouldn't be comfortable with it. Maybe something like Elsie instead? But if you really love it I would use it anyway, and if you were worried you own mother may feel a bit left out you could always use her name as a middle name?

How about Elspeth for full, and Elsa as nn?

As your MIL isn't known as Elsa then it won't be confusing, and as the BC name isn't the same, it's not directly 'honouring'.

Thank you for the ideas. Our boys have slightly more unusual names so I feel Elsie would be going to far to the other end of the spectrum if that makes sense. We have a friend with an Elspeth and part of the appeal of Elsa is that it hints at our European/Scandi heritage. We are already considering my mums name as a middle name because she is fab - which makes the dilemma we face even more stark!

More suggestions welcome

I think as their are so many issues with your MIL then you should really try to find another name. You can't name her Elsa and then say btw just so you know it isn't after you.

We could never say that of course, but it may be the start of Trying to improve things between us or at least us asserting a bit more how we would like the relationship to be. But this is a baby name thread not a MIL thread, and that's why I feel you may be right Lemon , as it's all too much to bestow in a newborn just because we like the name. Aarrggghhh!

I just feel you may end up making life difficult for youselves all for the love of a certain name.

Ilse. It's more unusual and to me, more Scandinavian.

I think I'd go with that - similar but not the same iyswim?

Unless of course MIL is the Scandinavian heritage?! and her name is Ilse?

We dont even know why she doesn't use it. She may hate the name!

Ooh Rooney not thought of that version. But to answer your question, yes she is but spelt Else.

i see what you mean.

would you both want a rapproachment with mil?

are there any other names that you like as much?

i love Elsa, but i can see your dilemma.

I think we both wish the relationship with MIL was better, we are on polite terms and tolerate her judgement of us and others in silence. But it's the silence that is corrosive.

We each have other names that we love, And they are a bit more out there name wise. Unfortunately neither of us loves the others second best name. Consensus is only on Elsa.

What do you think of Sorrel?

this is tricky. could you call her Elsa and just carry on - and be indifferent as to whether mil takes it as a compliment or not?

i do like Sorrel, but have to say i prefer Elsa.

i think as long as you and dh are in agreement about how you view mil, it doesn't matter if your call your dd by her unused first name. i think it only matters if it matters to you iyswim.

Your last para was very helpful basking I think that may give us our approach.

hope it works out - it is a lovely name - good luck

I have to be honest, as someone with serious MIL troubles, I couldn't do it.
Not just because people might think it was a way of honouring MIL, but because I think when you name someone and you already know a grown up person with that name, you want it to be someone that they can look up to, with great qualities that they can emulate besides the name.

One of our boys short list was too close to FIL's name (he isn't as bad) and even then we counted it out once we made the association.

Elsa is a beautiful name, but if you're already associating it with MIL, maybe put it on the list and keep looking?

We have decided to name DD Elsa. We won't mention that there is any connection to those who don't know MIL and DD will be the only Elsa for us. But when with MIL we will try as much as possible to make it a positive thing and hope only good things come from it.
Thanks for all your comments

It's a beautiful name liger, and the fact she's the only one for you is all that matters. Enjoy :)

liger, fwiw i think you've done the right thing.

it is a truly lovely name, and i hope good things come out of it.

Realise I'm probably too late, but how about Ailsa, a Scottish name. Similar sounding but maybe less easily linked to your MIL