Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Really need some help in making slightly unusaul naming decision

27 replies

olympicfever · 11/08/2012 20:25

Hi, I would really appreciate your thoughts on the decision we have to make on our new baby's surname. My surname means a lot to me as it represents my family who, down the years, have not lived priviledged lives but have worked hard to provide for their families - a quality which is important to me.

DH and I definitely do not want to double barrell and he is quite happy for baby to take my surname as he is not particularly attached to his. So, basically, the choice is mine and would like to hear your thoughts. If, given a free choice, would you give your DC your surname?

The worries I have are that DC may get questions at school about why he/ she has a different surname to dad, DH may often be be called Mr OlympicFever and get fed up of it and also that I feel that I may be depriving DH of passing on his name (he doesn't think this - just me!)

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

DawnOfTheDee · 11/08/2012 20:26

If your DH is on board with it and it means something to you I say go for it!

PurplePidjin · 11/08/2012 20:27

Dh doesn't mind, so use yours!

NatashaBee · 11/08/2012 20:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mellowcat · 11/08/2012 20:29

It sounds like it means a lot to you, and not much to him so to me it's a no brainer. Children can easily explain at school and there will be all kinds of families with differing circumstances and names...remarried parents, single parents etc

comelywench · 11/08/2012 20:29

I was sad not to pass on my surname as my Dad was an only-child and had daughters. There will be no more comelys and it's quite a rare surname. I didn't want double-barrelled either so just let the name go.

I would consider giving it as a middle name to another DC - maybe I should've done it with my first, but it wouldn't suit me to have my DC have another surname to my DH. I like that we all share a surname. Each to their own tho.

mellen · 11/08/2012 20:37

Would your DH change his name? Then you can all be called the same surname.

NellyBluth · 11/08/2012 20:41

Go for it, even if it means you have different names as a family. We do, DC's have/will have DP's surname and even if we did get married I wouldn't change my name. As for responding to a different surname, I am comfortable with the fact that in some situations teachers etc might refer to me as Mrs DC'sSurname and I'll just respond to that without getting into a detailed argument. If your DP is happy with it then use your surname (though it might be worth asking him how he'll respond to being occasionally called Mr Olympic). There are plenty of families with different surnames nowadays and I really don't think anyone judges any more.

DoItOnce · 11/08/2012 20:49

What about really rocking the boat and getting your DH to change his surname to match then you all have the same name

I know it is very normal to have family members with different name but is is easier if you have the same name. Unfortuanatly people will assume your DH is not the DH of your child. That might not be the most enlightened assumption but I suspect this is what would happen.

Another alternative would be for you all to take on a double barralled surname and slowly drop Dh's name.

Good luck with whatever you decide

BikeRaceRunningRaceNoSkiing · 11/08/2012 20:51

I see where you are coming from and if DH is happy, then why not? I didn't change my name when I got married, but did when I was expecting my first child. I really wanted us to all have the same surname, and was quite happy to swap my complicated Gaelic name for a straightforward traditional English name. We discussed DH changing his name - he was happy to do this, but his name is so much more practical and I am legitimately Dr Maiden Name as well as Mrs Married Name.

aliportico · 11/08/2012 21:05

Yes, do it. My kids have my dh's name - it sounded better with dd1's name. But if we had stuck to our first choice for dd2's name, we were going to give her my surname as we thought it went better. As it was, we changed our minds about her first name, and then just gave her the same surname as her sister.

Sometimes I get called Mrs Hisname, but it's really not an issue.

Original poster

olympicfever · 11/08/2012 21:29

Hi all, thanks for your advice and encouragement - it seems like such an unusual thing to do as we don't personally know any other families whos DCs have taken the mother's surname. I don't even know many women who have kept their maiden name after marrying so what we're considering seems very cutting edge!

As DoItOnce mentioned, I am worried that people will assume that DH is not DC's father and I wonder if that will bother DH in the future - despite him saying it won't.

This is very difficult! All your comments are extremely helpful.

OP posts:

Plokahontas · 11/08/2012 22:58

If DH wasn't willing to change his surname to yours (no big deal, he seems very chilled to leave the decision up to you!), I'd give DC DH's surname as a middle name, so there is still a strong name connection between them, and it will ease some of your worry about him not passing on his name.

Badgerina · 12/08/2012 09:23

I WISH I loved my own surname and family connection in the way you do! I was adamant I wanted DCs to have my name, for Feminist reasons, but because I hate the name (and have issues with that side of my family) it has been used as a middle name.

I think you should go for it!

RillaBlythe · 12/08/2012 10:01

I have my mum's surname instead of my dad's. He did get called Mr Mumsname quite a bit, & I suppose people must have assumed sometimes that he was my stepdad. He has never mentioned that as a problem though - he would take the stance that you can correct them, & what does it matter anyway.

I would love my dc to have my name instead of dp's but for a variety of reasons they don't.

LarkinSky · 12/08/2012 10:16

Really nice idea, and so good to hear your DH is on board with it - what a progressive man! As Plokahontas suggested, I'd say give the baby your DH's surname as a middle name, and then your surname as the surname.

Have you asked DH whether he'd like to take on your surname as well so you all have one family name?

mrsnec · 12/08/2012 10:17

Hi, this may sound odd but it happens in my family. Can you add the other surname as a middle name? MyDM did this as she has an attachment to a surname in our family as it represents our heritage. Before I married I often added my DMs maiden name to mine (as another middle name) as I was very close to her parents and my DU never had any children. I also still put the initial of the surname in my signiture.

babyblabber · 12/08/2012 13:36

I would have done it in a heartbeat if DH had been up for it!

blonderthanred · 12/08/2012 14:38

We recently found out an ancestor from four generations ago had taken his wife's surname at marriage as did their children. So people did do it in the olden days too!

My friend has done the same, her DH uses his previous surname as a middle name and they've both taken her surname as will future children. I think it's lovely, particularly as your name will stop otherwise. Go for it!

Original poster

olympicfever · 13/08/2012 15:40

LarkintheSky - DH says the idea of DC not having his name doesn't bother him at all but that he doesn't want to change his own name though.

OP posts:

DoItOnce · 13/08/2012 16:22

The safest option would be to give the DC's both names and then you could drop one with the knowledge that you could reinstate it if need be. Even if your DH is ok with the idea the DC's might not like people thinking that their DF is a DSF. (not that there is anything wrong with DSF's )

My DM surname is beautiful whilst both my maiden name and my married name are , not awful but not great either. I would have loved to have used my mothers pretty and unique name.

goingtoexplodesoon · 28/08/2012 23:49

If he's fine then it should be okay. Your surname means something to you and you want to use it to remember your family- as long as everyone else is fine. Though my DCs have DH's surname, DH has his mother's surname (it was incredibly rare at the time to have a mother's surname) to remember his great-grandparents who died in the Holocaust- it was a memorial and had a meaning, if your surname has a special meaning, you should use it.

persephoneplum · 29/08/2012 14:31

There are no rules. Do it.

nickelcognito · 29/08/2012 14:32

yeah, do it.
if your DH agrees with you and it's your choice, do it.

it's not that unusual.

nickelcognito · 29/08/2012 14:32

and it's okay that he doesn't want to change his name - same as you don't :)

nickelcognito · 29/08/2012 14:35

"The worries I have are that DC may get questions at school about why he/ she has a different surname to dad, DH may often be be called Mr OlympicFever and get fed up of it and also that I feel that I may be depriving DH of passing on his name"

DD has a different name to both of us.

i understand your second point - i have made it clear to DH i won't be happy with correspondence to DD with his name on, but i think him being called my name is funny

it doesn't happen very often. and you'll find you're normally the one doing official stuff with the kids anyway, so it makes more sense. we're both last of our line. neither of us is passing our name on.

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread