SIL and baby name

[RuckAndRoll]

A bit of a what would you do, hope this is the right place for it.

DSIL has recently told us she's pregnant, we're really happy for them. Whilst we were visiting (they live 7 hrs away), she told us the names they've decided on, apparently they've been decided for over a year.

Well, the boys name they've chosen is a family name on my side (going back about 7 generations) which I was really hoping to carry on if we have a son. DH has decided we can no longer consider this name, even if they have a girl. Apparently we can't even use it as a middle name as SIL will kick off about 'her' name.

Now I know neither of us 'own' this name, would you use a name your SIL has told you is her chosen name? as a middle name? Or should I just accept I can't carry on this family name?

I really think your DH needs to tell her now though, then at least she is forewarned and can choose another name if she wants to... I'd be a bit annoyed if you sat on that bit of info then called your baby the same name tbh.

Perhaps your DH is a bit "anything for a quiet life" as far as SIL is concerned. It sounds like your MIL is quite sensible. Could you explain to her about the history of the name, and enlist her support with the nutty SIL?

Just use it anyway.

If MIL is reasonable, she might have to be enlisted in this - couldyou say to her you are worried, SIL has mentioned she'll use X name, like your Dad/grandfather/whoever it is who's the youngest with that name. Then say that it's been 7 generations in your family that have given that name to the first born boy and you're going to be under tremendous pressure from your family to use it. You and DH had already agreed you would as to not do would cause a huge row in your family, but you can't help thinking SIL will be annoyed if you both call your first born boys the same name. You might be able to get away with just using it as a middle name, but that your family will call the baby by that name, so it could cause problems...

Hopefully she'll mention to SIL that if she picks that name you will end up with boys the same name as you can't go with another name.

I agree your sil sounds some what crazy and very selfish expecting you to put your plans for a family on hold because of her.

I do think it would of been best if you or your dh had said at the time about your long standing plans to use the name, it might of even put her off using it feeling it too connected to you, if i were you i would or have dh talk to her asap, she may still use it. We have had a couple of similar occurences with my sil, we had choosen a name and we were discussing our choices together the name we chose didn't come up with them and they told us the names they had choosen and then when the baby was born they named dc the name we mentioned, now i know we don't own the name or have any rights to it and it is very possible that they did like the name and was keeping it under wraps but i think it would of been better if she had of said that it was a name they were considering too as when they mentioned the name they had choosen for a ds first name i said straight away that should we have a boy that we had chose it as a middle name to honour a member of my dh family.

I wouldn't be put off using it as a mn, alot of people honour loved ones in a dc's mn.

Tell her that you've been planning to use this name, so she can do whatever she wants. And then, when you have your DS, you use the name you want. I don't see that big a deal for 2 cousins to have the same name (if there's reason for that).

(I'd be more concerned about my DH wanting to avoid a fight with SIL at all costs, as that would make things hard for you).

Use the name. She sounds awful.

Don't many names have lots of variations....like, Rayan, Rayaun, Rhyan, Rhyne, Ryane, Ryein, Ryen, Ryian, Ryiann, Ryien, Ryin, Ryne, Rynn, Ryon, Ryuan, Ryun, Ryyan. Could you just use another spelling, or and old/new version of it? I just googled 'name variations of Ryan' and got all these.

Ive had my chosen name 'stolen' by an in-law. Im just going with a slightly more unique version of it if I have a boy.