Baby name "tactics"

[minipie]

ok this is possibly a bit controversial so I am donning my hard hat.

I am 13 weeks pg at the moment. SIL is about 19-20 weeks.

DH and I have decided what names we want for a boy or girl (we were TTCing for nearly a year before I finally got pregnant and chose names quite a long time ago, and we still like those names best by far.)

I have a slightly irrational fear that BIL and SIL will end up using our preferred name, and we then wouldn't be able to use it. Our preferred names are relatively common (especially the boy's name), and of course we both have the same family member names to avoid, so that does increase the chance of this happening, though I realise it's still only a small chance.

For this reason, I'm considering mentioning our preferred names to them "in passing", so that they get the hint that those are "taken", as it were.

Is this wrong? Will it seem very weird if I do this? Should I just accept that SIL got pregnant first (despite starting TTCing much later) and so gets "first pick" of names?

What would you do?

I wouldn't say anything. Given how many thousands of names there are, it seems very unlikely that your bil will choose the exact same name as you're considering anyway.

Agree with you there othersideofchannel. That's the logical way of looking at it.

That totally is the logical view!

I totally agree with girlgonemild's brilliant idea of announcing the name to the whole family after the 20wk scan. Then if they wanted that name, they'll mention it right then and you'll have to discuss it (ie they will get it because their baby will be born first). But if they don't say they had also decided on that name then you're golden and worry-free!

To be honest, even if you do decide a name and announce it at the 20 week scan, you'll look a bit daft once your baby arrives and you both decide 'actually he doesn't really suit that name now that we've seen him'. Some things are sometimes better kept to yourselves.

We didn't tell anyone until they were born. I think it highly unlikely they would have the same one-unless you bring it to mind.

If you're really worried, speak to them. Tell them the names you've chosen, and that way, if you're unlucky and they've chosen the same name, you can sort it out, between you, before the babies are born.

Worst case scenario, they've picked the same name. In which case, either of you "getting in first" by announcing the name could cause ill-feeling. So discuss it. Would one of you abbreviate it, and one not? Do either of you have other names you really like? (Middle names, name planned for second child??) You could still both use it.

I know cousins with the same name, step sisters with the same name and parents who give their kids their name (I've always though that last one a bit odd and too confusing, but it's their decision).

Chances are, they'll like different names anyway.

If you have your heart 'set' on the names you have chosen then I would have a honest chat to them - especially if you have chosen something like a name of a great grandparent - thinking old man/lady trend that is still popular.

I say this from my own experience, my BIL and SIL had their DS1 2 years before us but DH & I had already picked our potential childrens names. BIL announced they were calling their DS, Elliot, and my DH told them that we always like the name Wilfred after their late Grandad - cue them thinking 'What a lovely idea' and they changed their DS name to Wilfred!!!

Still annoying after 10 years!

I wouldn't play games or think tactically. Just be honest. As your pregnancies are so close together I'd have a chat with your bro and sis-in-law and talk names. It seems like the most sensible thing to do.

There are of course, many variances which will influence this: babes of different gender and/or completely different tastes!

FWIW, it took DH and I 9 months to conceive DD1 and 2 years (including 6 Clomid cycles) to conceive DD2, so I'm quite attuned what this much-longed for pregnancy must mean to you. Try not to take anything personally ?if? there's an issue with the soon-to-be-born cousin's names :) But I'm firmly on Team Minipie :)

I have never really understand why people feel the name to blab everything about their pregnancy and naming of their child (until the baby is born). Why not just keep it to yourself ? Why make an issue out of it by mentioning it after the 20 week scan? You open yourself up to a whole can of worms.

Thank you Lunar congrats on your DDs.

message I really don't think BIL and SIL would do that to us... at least I hope not!

I think we will mention our chosen names, but wait till there is an opportunity to do so (eg when names come up in conversation/when we find out the sex) rather than bringing it up deliberately.

As many of you say, chances are our names aren't even on their shortlist so this will be a complete non-issue.

Tell them. It will be a weight off your mind.

Badgerina - In your parent's shoes I would have used the name anyway and if your Dad's brother and his wife had said anything, I would have responded by reminding them that we had told them the name we were going to use and we haven't changed our minds. So if you don't like it, tough luck.

Mind you, DP and I are both pretty strong-minded about this kind of thing and if we have picked a name, we have picked it and we don't give a stuff if anyone else uses them because we will use them anyway.