Would you consider this stealing?

[FreshwaterPlimpies]

First baby will soon be here. We don't know the sex, but if it's a DS have decided to name after my favourite grandad.
If DD, we have picked another family name. However, DH's grandma is not doing very well (going downhill) and we have been thinking it would mean a lot to her if a DD was to have her name. She is called Lillian, but has been known as Lily all her life, so using Lillian isn't the same.

Close friend, who is not pregnant and not TTC, has always said that Lily is her first choice for a girl, as it was her Grandma's name.
As I know this and don't want to cause upset, potential DD would have Lily as one of her middle names, not first.

I know Lily is hugely popular at the moment, so it's not as if we've chosen the same obscure name. DH thinks his grandma would be really pleased, especially as she has 8 grandchildren, but none with her name.
Feel uneasy about this however and would really appreciate some advice.
Thank you:)

:o reading these threads makes me paranoid janitor.. Isn't 'name-stealing' a deadly sin?

Aye.. think we will do. It's not as if anyone outside of family or official-dom hears middle names often anyway.. and his Grandma would be made up, which is more important.
Cheers:)

friedn has no baby and isnt pg and isnt TTC - so go for it. What would happen if she has boys in the future? You would have given up a name for no reason.

Also, you dont know if your friend is going to be around in 2 years time - she might move to Oz or you might have a big bust up.

Use Lily. Or Lillian. Or Lillith.

It's not as if Lily is unusual at the moment, and you do have the family connection too.

There's no such thing as "stealing" a name, and I think anyone who would really mind if a friend chose a similar name would be being quite petty.

It's not stealing, but I'd explain it to your friend so she understands.

So even middle names come under the remit of name-stealing?! We'd better hurry up and get pg, the rate our friends are popping babies out, there'll be no names left to use!

moggle You'll have to just make one up soon:)
Think she will probably understand if I explain it.. Half the world have already used it, so I'm sure she knows by now that it won't just be her.

I wouldn't use a name that my friend had already called their child and nor would I use one that a best friend had said she always wanted to use even if she hadn't had any DC's yet but I think for a middle name it's completely different especially as there is such a good reason for doing so.

I'm sure she would understand and if your DD had it as a middle name you wouldn't really ever use it on a day to day bases unless telling them off ;)

I think it's important to use family names as a middle name. Our DS's middle name is Ronald after DH's uncle who died suddenly shortly before his birth. It meant the world to DH's grandma and widow and Ron's wife now has a real closeness and attachment to DS.

Honestly, no one could be upset about a middle name

If a...

non-pregnant
non-TTC friend

...got upset over someone using

their dying GMIL's name
as a middle name

...for their DD, they would be up there with the most unreasonable of unreasonable people ever to get their knickers in a twist over nothing.

Send her my way if she deigns to kick up a fuss. You sound too lovely for your own good, Plimpies.

It's a Grandmother's name for both of you. You're planning to use it in the middle. As her future baby isn't even on the way yet, they're not going to be that close in age anyhow if she indeed has a girl.

I think it shows how considerate you are to be concerned. But in these circumstances, I think it would be absolutely fine to use it in the middle just as you want to.

Of course you can use any name you like, especially a relatives name for your baby. If your friend is upset at all (unlikely) I would just tell her that you are naming your baby after your relative. The fact she may like the name is immaterial. If you are worried at all, I would just say that once the baby is here you will have lots of wonderful things to do and you, and hopefully your friend, will be very happy.

Congratulations - do not let this spoil it for you at all, please.

RetroMum1 that's lovely.. really like family names too.
:o SodoffBaldrick, Edith, greyhound.. thank you. It's a sensitive subject that's difficult to gauge sometimes. Think it can be easy to become possessive about names; I've felt it myself. Crackers.

Absolutely not stealing. You have your own special and personal reason for using Lilian (Lily) and surely your friend can't begrudge you that.

Not stealing.

I would name her Lilian and use NN Lily. I would also make it clear to close friend your reasons for using the name - she will understand. Besides, she will probably change the name if, if she ever has a DD. She may only have DSs!!!

You should use it, it would be lovely for the grandma, as her spirit will live it what about Lilian (pronounced lily-ann) sounds pretty and can use lily as a nickname.

I would speak to your friend and explain your circumstances. If she still feels it's 'her' name after hearing that, I'd be surprised. She will probably tell you to use it as a first name. Especially if you say you were going to use it as a middle name in consideration for her feelings.

My best friend used 'my' girl name as a middle name for her first child. I have never even had a girl. I was mildly annoyed because she didn't say anything and had forgotten, actually, that I was thinking of using it, so I did say, Oh that was my name for ds1 had he been a girl! but I said it with good nature, and she said, she'd forgotten and tbh it's not an issue. I went off it anyway, for my own non existent child and it is beautiful for her real child.

I'm glad she used it as I didn't have the chance to anyway.
My advice is to be open with your friend. Intentions and consideration are everything in this situation imo.

A quick word with your friend should do the trick. That's just manners

I can't imagine she'd hold it against you.