Surname problems

[GwenGotLost]

So my self and my partner are fairly happy with our likes / choices of first names (we haven't finalised yet; plenty of time, plus we don't know the gender yet anyway!).
Our major problem is the surnames; we both have pretty unusual surnames and both want to use/ keep ours; we're not married, nor are we planning to get married at any point (but that's a different discussion).

I obviously want to keep mine; it's really quite unknown in the UK ( I think there are less than 50 of us...) and I'm the only child from my direct family line.

DP's name is certainly more common than mine and he is one of 3 brothers; his older brother is getting married this year, so there is a much larger chance of his name being carried on by his own family line.

We are looking at possibly hyphenating the names together but then there's still the problem of which goes first (I think mine will be at the end and am worried that it may be dropped ), not to mention that both our names are kinda long (mines is 9 letters, his is 6....)

My parents aren't married either but I got Mum's name as Dad's surname is ultra common (White), for pretty much the reasons I want to use mine; it's just harder to decide when DP feels the same way about his name :(

Arrgh! it's actually a little stressful as we are both somewhat stubborn, but I really don't think I'm being unreasonable.. am I?

No I don't think you are being unreasonable. DP and I have had similar discussions and I'm not even pregnant yet! I think in Europe when names are double barrelled the mum's goes first. I'm not sure if there is a usual way of doing it in UK.

If I hadn't been married when my daughters were born, there's no way I would have given them a name other than mine.

As it is, one of the main reasons we gave them DH's is that he's the only boy, his Dad was an only child and had recently died.

Also, the fact that he was happy to use my name and didn't see any reason to use his in preference to mine helped.

we double barrelled, my surname is first, the boys are 12, 9, 7 and nearly 4 (we have 14mth dd as well) but so far neither of the surnames have been dropped :)

My surname was double-barrelled anyway and my dp's surname was foreign. Say my name was Taylor-Holmes and my dp's was Lopez. The children got Lopez Taylor as their middle names and Holmes as their surname. Confusing, but we didn't want to drop any of the names. They also got a first name as a middle name, which gives them three middle names. You just have to make a decision on how ridiculously long you will allow their name to be.

In the end, we used my mum's surname as she had died a few months before our first child was born and we wanted them to still feel connected to her. But I didn't want the other names to be lost.

We double-barrelled with mine first. Whenever I introduce myself as Mrs Myname-Hisname I then get called Mrs Hisname by the person I'm speaking to, pretty much 99% of the time. So if yours is going second you are more likely to get his dropped

We got fed up with the long name very quickly and in daily life we all (DH included) tend to just use my name.

I didn't take my husband's name when we married (I love my surname but use his as and when it suits me, haha). A double barrelled name would have been awful so our DS has my husband's surname and my surname as a middle name. He's got two middle names so there's a chance he might drop it but I'm hoping i'll be able to pass on a love for where he's from and all of the names he has been given.

My name went first when we double-barrelled for the kids. It just sounded better that way round, that's all, neither of us were bothered about whether we went first, or whether one would get dropped by mistake (they don't).

I don't have my DHs name. DD does with my name as one of her middle ones ITMS.

We went double barrelled when we married for very much the same reasons (both of us changed to the new surname). We decided on myname-hisname - most of the time we get both names, but on occasions when one name gets dropped (mostly on computer generated docs/letters, as some computer systems tend to have a problem with the hyphen) I tend to end up as Mrs Hisname. If someone refers to me as Mrs Hisname, I will generally correct them.

oh, and we are a 7+7 characters, so the same length surname that your DC would have and the length has never been an issue, there is plently of space on forms with boxes for each letter, etc.

You could always use both surnames without hyphenating - e.g. John Smith White, with your surname going before your partner's as I think is the "norm" in the UK .....

I don't see why either of you should give up your surname tbh.

We gave DS DH's name, with mine as a second middle name, but we were planing to get married anyway.
DS 20 months and we're getting married this month, but I've always used DH's name in the mean time, cos I think it's strange me and DS having different surnames completely.

I think you should choose whatever name suits you both, so just work it out together but there is no reason why you should drop yours. I was happy to lose my maiden name when I married and I am happy we all have the same name. However, if people want to keep their name for whatever reason then they should.

Personally, I would go with which ever way round sounds better. According to this it is more normal for the woman's name to go first, but I guess you can do probably do whichever suits you.

"Double-barrelled names are sometimes adopted when the man has a common surname such as Smith or Jones which the couple want to avoid after marriage; hence double-barrelled names often incorporate a common surname. For instance, if Mary Howard married John Smith, they could choose to become Mary and John Howard-Smith (with the man's surname usually going second)."

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Double-barrelled_name

Try not to let this stress you out too much, a baby is such a blessing and is uniting your two familes, so reflecting this in the names is lovely and hopefully your DP can be sensitive to you at this very special time! Congratulations.