Thoughts and advice please - did you give your DCs your surname and not DPs?

[mirandaveranda]

I ask this question to female MNers. For several reasons, we are considering giving our DC my surname and am just looking for experiences and thoughts really. Why did you opt for your name only, has it caused any problems etc?

Also does anyone find it slightly odd that, still, in this day and age, most DCs take just their father's name and not that of both parents a la the Spanish system. Or is it just me?

Ta!

DS has my surname - we used DP's surname as a middle name (its a name-y surname anyway iyswim).

Nobody has batted an eyelid. Though having said that, in my family its not unusual - I have my mother's surname too.

I have my mother's surname too, & my dad's surname as a middle name. Its a very surnamey name (think Higgs) but doesn't bother me.

Used my name as a middle name- DP's is more surnamey.

Out of interest though Queen, do you have more than one DC? Am expecting number 2 and never really thought about giving them both the same middle name...

And Rilla, do your siblings (if you have any) have the same middle name as you?

Our DSs have my surname with DH's surname as a middle name. This was due both to feminist leanings (on the part of my husband) and also him being adopted, hence his feeling that my name would have more history and meaning to our children.

My MIL was NOT amused and always addresses their cards with their middle name as well as surname!

Tethers - yes, although we all have another middle name too. Eg Rilla Anne Higgs Blythe and James Matthew Higgs Blythe. I've done similar with my DDs.

We gave DD two surnames like the Spanish or Portuguese system. Mine is the first of the two names so arguably its the one that might be used for alphabetising etc, but it sounds a bit like a middle name so people might think her surname is just the second half of what it really is, if you see what I mean... But it's early days yet, she's not yet 18 months old! So we don't know quite what people will make of it yet.

Ps we chose it to be my surname + his surname in that order purely because of the way it sounded - we'd have liked it the other way round ideally.

Not just you, I find it SO odd that DCs are automatically given their Dad's surname. DH and I are married but I kept my name. DS has my surname with DH's surname as a middle name.

We didn't double barrel as our names don't work.

We've had no problems at all, bar most people (DH's family) assuming DS's surname is the same as DH! But then most people assume I've taken his name, too.

From a different perspective - We gave ours his name, as I felt that the our firstborn already had a bond with me (from pregnancy) and that DP's name would help him to bond with his DS. (and also because it was obviously hugely important to his mother who asked what the name would be within seconds of DP telling them I was pregnant!).

Having a different surname to my DCs has always caused minor annoyances - the school, etc ring up and ask "Is that Mrs XX" to which I reply "not exactly" and they then rephrase "Is that DS/D's mother?"....

BUT - I split up with DP a few years back. DCs now share a surname with my ex and his DW, and mine is different. I do actually regret giving them his surname and wish they had mine :(

tethers - I have two DC, but my older one has her father's name. I have always regretted that.

My now-DP genuinely has no attachment to his surname, and was quite happy with DS having my name.

Thanks everyone. Anymore rhoughts much appreciated. Thanks

Our baby isn't yet here, but will have both our surnames. We aren't married, and even if we do get round to doing so before the baby arrives, I wouldn't dream of changing my name, and my partner would think I'd had a personality transplant if I did.

I agree that it's bizarre that giving the child its father's name today is still so unquestioned. If for some reason it was only legally possible to give the baby a single surname, he would have mine. But then I think the fact that people assume a woman will still change her name on marriage is just as strange. I'm not criticising anyone who chooses to do it, just the widespread unthinking social assumption that this is The Way Things Are, period.

Our dc have my name. I didn't change it when we got married, I assumed we'd double barrel the dc's but dh doesn't like the concept of double barrelled names (don't ask!) and wanted them to have mine instead.

pil are about it. I think they assumed I was driving it and still studiously avoid using the dc surname if at all possible. mil had a phase of pushing quite hard for the double barrel option when she discovered it was my preference (though she assumed dh's surname would go first which it wouldn't have done!)

They've more or less got over it now though.

Yes, my children took my last name. I wasn't married to their father ( although lived together) and it just felt right that they took my name.

I am married & took DH's surname, but if I was unmarried I would have given kids my surname on the understanding that both surnames would have changed on marriage.