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Original poster

Falling out over baby's name... Help!

31 replies

Bunsyduff · 01/01/2012 09:56

happy new year everyone!
Ours was slightly ruined by another night of exhaustively discussing our new baby's name. Our second son is now nearly five weeks old and we therefore have ten days left to register him. The problem is we can't agree! I have a list of about ten I would be super happy with ( agreed pre birth) but my husband has totally and unexpectedly fixated on jack. There is nothing wrong with jack at all as a name ( my great grandad was called that) but I just can't reconcile myself to calling my son that. My husband is a lovely, gentle chap and this insistence is v out of character, but this is genuinely driving a wedge between us. Should I just give him this one? Just feel supremely sad as thought we would decide together and it seems like a very safe option... ( nb I like Arthur, jem, nat , wilf to name a few...).
Please help! X

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CecilyP · 01/01/2012 10:10

Are you in Scotland? I would wait till the New Year's festivities have settled down before having another talk about it. What are you calling your baby at the moment?

Agreed that there is nothing wrong with Jack but it is very popular so, if you go for it, he may be one of several Jacks in class. Could you use it as a middle name and choose a first name that goes with it?

Though this might not be the case with you, many Jacks of your great grandad's generation were actually registered as John.

AnotherMincepie · 01/01/2012 10:32

John with Jack as nickname is a good idea.

Jack was the top boys' name for years - it's only recently been knocked off the top spot.

TidyDancer · 01/01/2012 10:45

Personally, I prefer Jack to the other names you mentioned, but it's one of those so-popular-it's-offputting names for me.

Is there any room for compromise? Perhaps Jackson, or something really similar but not actually Jack?

Kayano · 01/01/2012 10:53

I like Wilf Grin

Me and DH are is this same situation withthe name Sophie and honestly want to kill him. Same as you nothing wrong with Sophie but it's so popular and DH likes it so much I'm going to let him have this one and I've got the next one lol

Sannebanana · 01/01/2012 11:34

I know what you mean about Jack- it's a lovely name, but there are so many of them. And there isn't much nickname potential for differentiating when there are 4 or 5 of them at school. I really like Wilf and Arthur though. Has your husband always been fixated on Jack, or did he like your choices until recently? Personally I would tell him you don't like Jack and go back to the drawing board until you find something you both like. There must be other names that he likes.

Kayano- my DH was fixated with the name 'Sophie' too! Which I do like, but it's just so popular. The only other names he wanted to consider were Olivia and Emily- basically the top 3 girls names of last year Angry I know some people aren't fazed by popularity, but I am!

Louplet · 01/01/2012 12:23

Jack is a great name. Who got to choose DS1's name? If you then only fair he chooses this time. Can you choose the middle name?

RillaBlythe · 01/01/2012 12:54

Jem is a great name Grin

Anywherebuthere · 01/01/2012 13:32

We had the same situation too, so now DD has a two different names, one thats registered and one thats not. The only person to call DD by her registered name is DH, everyone else inc relatives, friends, nursery etc call her by the other name. She responds to both without any problems. Not ideal but it works for us.

LynetteScavo · 01/01/2012 13:40

Jack is a fine name. I think you should go with it. Give him a middle name you really like.

greenmoo · 01/01/2012 14:53

Keep going until you find a name you can both agree on - you will get there, I promise!

Toobluntforsleighbells · 01/01/2012 14:57

My husband was the same over our first DCs name - usually easy going & gives in to me, but stuck his heels in over a name. I gave in in the end and did come round to it eventually! I do think Jack is a lovely name although very popular.

NoHunIntended · 01/01/2012 15:11

What about Zack for something similar, but less popular?

zipzap · 01/01/2012 16:00

We had decided on ds2's first name after about 5 weeks, but were really stuck on his second name - we had the last possible appointment for registering his name and I was still unhappy with it at the appointment to the point I burst into tears because it just seemed wrong. :( blames it on hormones

Not sure why I gave in - just didn't have the strength and we were there at the registrars... But 3 years on it still doesn't seem like he's got the right name overall so I definitely think that it is worth holding on for something you like even if it's not on your initial list.

Do you know why he has fixated on this name? Could you both sit down and discard all previous names and come up with 10 each to see if anything falls out that would be usable. I think that your dh has to accept that if he can veto your name choices then you can veto his... Could you also set some ground rules - nothing in the too 50 list, nothing too way out, nothing already in use by family, friends, etc to provide some boundaries. Also might get a reaction or explanation to jack if he says he likes that it is common or something and you realise he has totally different views to youbon naming. Or you discover his mum or favourite footie star has influenced more than he they know...

Might also be worth asking him directly if he is happy that you will have a son that will have a name you actively dislike and that whilst you are prepared to compromise on your favourites and male another list, why he thinks he doesn't have to...

Good luck and if all else fails, call him the name you like at home then save your dh the hassle of registering the name and do it yourself. Grin

But yanbu; it's a horrible place to be when the deadline is looming and you can't agree and the other person isn't giving an inch.

sonniebonnie · 01/01/2012 18:59

I think you need to find a name you BOTH love. If you're not keen on Jack, I wouldn't use it, as you'll regret it. I also agree that Jack does not really serve a purpose as a name as there are so many of them that you often need to add a modifier to differentiate. Is there no other name that you both like?

exoticfruits · 01/01/2012 19:08

You just have to keep going until you find one that you are both happy with-my DCs have completely different names to the ones that I would have chosen on my own.

ViolaCrayola · 01/01/2012 19:11

Agree you BOTH have to at the very least really like a name. You are definitely not unreasonable to insist that he is not called a name you are not very keen on.
DH suggested my DS's name, and was opposed to most of my choices. But I did really like it too, otherwise I wouldn't have agreed to it. Now I can't imagine him having any other name. It's a shame to fall out over it - could you get the baby name book/website out and try to find a whole new choice you both like?
A few random-ish suggestions:

Timothy (Tim)
Jonathan
Issac
Benjamin
Alexander
Daniel
Gregory
Peter
Jonah
Josiah (Jed)
Theodore (Ted)
Zachary (Zack) as suggested above
Frederick/Alfred (Fred)
Samuel (Sam)
Gabriel (Gabe)
Patrick (Paddy/Pat)

sashh · 02/01/2012 05:15

Many many years ago Jack was never a name put on birth certificates but a diminutive of James. Could you give him James as a name but call him Jack?

Or maybe Jaques?

CecilyP · 02/01/2012 13:46

No, Jack was used as a diminutive of John - no idea why; there doesn't seem to be any obvious connection. Jack originally caught on as a name to use in its own right in the 1920s before falling into disuse, only to make a come-back in the 1980s before as becoming as mega-popular as it is now.

BTW, OP, I love your username. Please come back and tell us how you got on.

Original poster
Bunsyduff · 04/01/2012 15:19

Your messages have given me hope and made me smile and also made me only sure that I can stick to what I feel...bloody hard though!
we are now 6 days away from registering no 2 ( as he is known- poor child) and still no nearer.
I know that my husband is pretty sure he is going to get Jack, but every time I think ' oh sod it, let's just call him Jack', something inside me stops me doing it.
It seems like compromise is the only way, but feel v bad at hurting husband's feelings, as his heart is really set on it BUT, am scared that like Zipzap, I will end up in tears at the registry office ( and beyond!).
Kayano, how have you reconciled yourself to Sophie?
Am curious to know if those that did 'give in' came to regret it or be pleased they did and how long it took them to like or even love (!) the name.
Thanks! This is at least making me try to be totally honest with my man- hard though!
xx

OP posts:
NoHunIntended · 04/01/2012 15:39

Did your husband not like Zack? Is it unusual enough for you?

seeker · 04/01/2012 15:47

How many Jacks do you actually know? I know it's high
Hnup th ease lists, but have a 10 year old and a 16 year old and I help out in a Reception class and between us we only know 3.

Even with the most popular names you're not really likely to come across many- there are a lot of children in the country!

Dragonwoman · 04/01/2012 15:55

Don't register a name you don't like no matter how much he likes it. I registered DS2 with Dh's choice, but still didn't like it & as time went on the dislike deepened & I couldn't even say the name I hated it so much. The thought that I'd been pushed into it made me really hate the name. In the end we changed the name on the register. You can change it for up to a year after registration, but really its best not to. See if you can scrap both your lists & come up with a new name you both like.

ceebie · 05/01/2012 12:45

Is this your first child? I always thought that it didn't really matter whether a name was popular, if you really loved it you should go with it. However we did manage to give DD a name not even in the top 100, and I am so pleased did. I can't begin to tell you how grateful I am that we did not use names like Emily or Sophie, or for a boy Harry or Oliver - I am getting so tired of hearing these names at nursery and playgroups again and again! Funnily enough I don't know any Jacks, but it has been so popular for so long there must be many of them out there. I would really think very hard before giving your son such a popular name. He could have it as a second name.

I feel for you, it is awful being at stalemate with your DH, but this is important and he has to recognise your feelings - he will have to face up to the fact that your son has two parents and he needs to compromise.

ceebie · 05/01/2012 12:48

Oh sorry, I see now it's your second son so ignore the first paragraph of my post above - you'll be well aware of popularity of names.

I like the suggestion of Jackson, can be shortened to Jacks/Jax for slight variation from Jack?

Could your DH produce a list of his top 5 or 10 names for your to contemplate?

patsdeadfrank · 05/01/2012 12:55

jack was our cats name and i am pleased otherwise exh would have insisted that ds was a jack. all i had to say was we cant name him after the cat.(phew emocon)

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