Has anyone else left it too late to change their child's name and lived to regret it?

[racingmind]

I compromised on my childs name as there were only a couple that both me and dp both liked. However, after a few weeks I had this sense of creeping unease that I really wasn't happy with it. I suppose I didnt want to admit to myself that I felt it was a mistake. But then the feelings grew until when the baby was about 4 months I told dp I was really upset about it and would actually like to change it. Dp said absolutely no way and anyone else I told this to said I was just being over anxious about it. Anyway, I tried to compromise and call the baby a shortened version of the name etc but one year on and I deeply regret not insisting on changing it. It upsets me a lot but it really is too late now (baby past a year old)

I just wondered if anyone else had been through this and if so did you manage to come to terms with the name as I am really struggling with this.

I'm so sorry. Do you actually dislike the name or just that it isn't your no. 1 choice? Does he have a middle name? Do you love that? I know quite a few boys who are referred to by their middle names, but if you are going to make a change of any sort I would do it very soon before DS really recognizes his name etc...

The other thing you could do is give him a nn. even if it doesn't correlate with his actual full name. This is also not unheard of.

I didn't get my no.1 choice for DS (now 2) either as my brother "nabbed" it for my nephew and then DH wouldn't go for my other choice. We are very happy with the name we eventually chose though and now realize it really suits DS and the other 2 names actually wouldn't have worked (I did use my no. 2 name as his mn!). My only issue now though is other people's reactions to the name (parti. in the UK) - every other boy is called that, so boring etc.. Etc...that definitely riles me, but I'm a bit oversensitive at the moment! And to be honest I genuinely love the more popular top 20 boys names!!

If you have another DS then make sure you get your no. 1 name! I'm intrigued to hear what his name is and what your favourite name was??

I have grown to dislike the name yes- I didn't realise it was so common and also its very traditional and that is just SO not me as a person.

Its easy to talk about changing it now but he is a year old and goes to nursery etc it isnt just that simple. People were judging me for talking about changing it 6 months ago and I stupidly let that be part of the reason for not doing it. I feel he is too old now to change it. I guess I was just looking to hear if anyone else had experienced this problem and learned to live with it as I am finding it very hard.

Middle name not an option either and yes the name I like is quite different to the one he has.

I have had similar feelings about DD's name. Ultimately I chose her name from an agreed shortlist and it's a name I love but the response to her name hasn't been great (which I can live with) but there are two ways to pronounce it and invariably most people pronounce it the 'other' way.

The trouble is that she would really suit one of the other names we had on our shortlist (which I discounted for silly reasons really). I'm sure DH would've been happy to change her name but from about 6 months she recognised 'her' name and as I have 2 other (young) children changing her name would've had greater implications.

However I am happy that we have stuck with it. She does suit her name and I'm convinced that if we had've changed it I would've regretted it as she has started to grow into her name.

Feels like I've waffled on a bit but I think what I'm trying to say is that children do suit more than one name and the longer they have a name the more it becomes theirs IYKWIM?

You will wonder what all the fuss was about when he/she turns 18....big hugs in the meantime ((((())))). Children should be born with nametags...would make life a lot easier.

A friend of mine changed her dc's name at two - because she just couldn't accept the name they'd ended up with. But as soon as she changed it she stopped minding the other name and even said shed be happy to switch back. Choosing a name is a gamble really.

My one year old very much knows her name and would be v confused if I suddenly started calling her something else. That may not be the case for your DS though I suppose if you don't relish using the name? TBH if it's mainly popularity that puts you off his name I would just learn to live with it. You often don't know how popular a name will be until it's too late. You could give him an unusual name today and then in five years time find it has leapt up the charts.

Is there an alternative name you have in mind?

Thank you so much for the responses- wow dearheart your friend changed the name at 2?? Thats really brave, good for her. I guess I'm a bit of a wimp about it all cos I cant stand the thought of people's reactions to me changing his name, and having to keep reminding people etc. How diod she get on with it? I think whats also really upset me is I confided in a friend about this a couple of months ago and she said "oh no you cant possibly take him away and change his name" (not sure where she thought I was "taking" him). My dilemma is changing the name will be embarassing and upset dp, but at the same time I know he wont be nearly as upset about it as I am now.

I decided his first birthday would be my time to force myself to move on with this as I thought no one would change a childs name after a year but I am still struggling with it and am actually really quite angry with myself about all this. No one in rl is supportive of me changing his name which makes it a lot harder than it sounds.

I have a friend who changed her daughter's name at 7. i thought it was an odd thing to do at the time, but the in laws had never liked the name she originally chose and nagged her until she gave in (it's a longer story than that but that's the short version). Anyway - it was amazing how quickly everyone adapted and now I have trouble even remembering what the original name was! So - go for it whenever you want to!

I think it's been okay but lots of people did find it hard, but my friend did once tell me that she felt she had messed up her the whole name thing.

I know exactly what your friend means by 'taking him away' though - I don't see my friend's son that often and feel that the little baby I knew no longer exists. There's an awkwardness there - both me and dp stumble over the name still (two years on).

At one year, you could just about get away with it if your dh agreed. I would ask him straight out if you can change it and if he refuses you will have to leave it. In time your feelings will change (and especially as your ds gets older and his identity becomes more distinct.

We changed our dd2's name (by usage - still need to get around to the deed-poll!) when she was somewhere between a year and 14months. We had spent at least 6 months prior to that calling her chubby/chubby-wubby/chubbington. It became obvious early on that the name on the birth certificate did not suit her personality at all, and that people pronounced it in away that didn't sound that nice.
We just bit the bullet and told everyone to call her by our new chosen name, including the nursery! I'm sure people thought we were totally crackers, possibly cruel and it was pretty embarrassing initially. I was gutted to find out that it would have been easy to change it on the birth certificate within the first year...if only we had bitten the bullet sooner rather than calling her chubby!
The old name isn't that bad, I like it on other children. It just wasn't right on our dd and was too big a thing to leave.
I would definitely speak to your dh again. If he's really not going to budge then I would call your dc by a nickname you do like (however tenuous the link is to his first name) or go with a middle name. You'll be the one saying this name 30 times a day at least, just start calling him it confidently with a smile on your face! Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Do you realise you can always insert an extra name - if deed poll if too late to just add it on?

That way, you could get away with calling your DS as an occasional nickname and graduate increase the amount you use it.