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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

If your pregnant friend asked you this....

48 replies

Kirstle · 11/10/2011 21:02

...bear in mind, not a best friend, but a friend you saw perhaps 6 times a year and emailed or facebooked everynow and then...

If they saw you for a coffee and then told you that a strong contender for their new baby's name was the name you had given your DC already....would it piss you off? Would you be grateful that they 'forewarned' you (for want of a better word)? Would you lie and say it was ok, when it really wasnt?

Would you think they were making mountains out of molehills?
Would it make any difference if you knew that that name was one your friend had always loved and didn't bat an eyelid at you using?

Thanks girls...

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NotanOtter · 12/10/2011 00:25

whatever117 i agree

all my younger dc have v different names - I'd be gutted and cross and pathetic or not i'd care

nooka · 12/10/2011 06:03

If you are the pregnant one then has this conversation actually happened? If so what was your friend's reaction? If she always knew that the name was a favourite of yours then she probably wasn't that surprised. If it hasn't happened, and perhaps it would be a little odd to have this conversation if you are not yet pregnant, then I'd really not worry about it until then. You might change your mind, have a baby of a different sex, or your partner might hate the name after all.

seeker · 12/10/2011 06:09

Against the trend here - but I wouldn't. It sounds like she's a really good friend even if you don't see each other very often- and you've probably got mutual friends. Just think, every time you tell one of them your new baby's name they'll say " oh, just like X!" which would be very annoying.

Original poster

Kirstle · 12/10/2011 09:42

You are absolutely right, I am not even pregnant yet, so this whole conversation with friend is purely hypothetical... I am just thinking things through, because regardless that she chose it, it is still my front runner...
In answer to other posters, the name is in the top 50 and is a dime a dozen. Thanks for all your comments, so far x

OP posts:

KatAndKit · 12/10/2011 10:21

You don't own the name, even if you have given it to one of your children anyway. If people did then there would be far fewer Jacks and Evies about.

If I eliminated all names of all friends' children that I know, I would have considerably less choice.
Obviously if it is a close friend you see often, or a family member, that is a bit different.

birdofthenorth · 12/10/2011 10:27

Depends if the exisiting DC has a common or totally out there name.

Also depends if the existing DC is 6 weeks or 6 years old (if they've JUST named their baby this it's a bit ruder iyswim).

YES it is courteous to raise it with the friend, NO I wouldn't think it was a mountain out of a molehill, I would hope to be asked in this level of friendship I think.

pictish · 12/10/2011 10:28

It would piss me right off....but then I am precious as fuck about names.

BonnieWeeJeannieMcCall · 12/10/2011 10:40

DS has a classic name, not top 10, but has probably been top 50 for the last century. A pregnant friend (v close friend at Uni, now geographically distant) asked if we'd be ok with them using the same name. I thought it proved she was a person of taste and discernment (which I knew anyway, because she was a friend!)

FrightNight · 12/10/2011 10:47

I'd think you were bonker for starting an imaginary thread about an imaginary conversation regarding the name of your yet to be conceived child that may not even be the same sex as your friend.

HerdOfTinyElephants · 12/10/2011 10:49

If it's a common name, then it wouldn't bother me at all.

As it is, my DC have relatively unusual names, so I'd probably feel both pleased/flattered and mildly miffed (because we did eliminate all names of friends' children when coming up with names) at the same time. The greater the age gap between the children, the more it would veer towards pleased/flattered.

Ephiny · 12/10/2011 11:01

Wouldn't mind at all, in fact I'd be quite flattered because she clearly thought I'd made a good choice.

Maybe if it was a name she's invented for the specific purpose of giving her DD a unique name, it would be annoying...but otherwise can't see why it would be a problem.

DejaWho · 12/10/2011 11:17

I wouldn't do it - someone in the family has the girl's name I really like fairly recently... move on and pick another one.

KatAndKit · 12/10/2011 11:24

Family is different but you have to draw the line somewhere, especially with fairly common names. Two people I know have little Williams but I'm sure they don't expect all their acquaintances to cross it off their lists.
If it is a good friend and a new baby then it is more weird and I wouldn't do it.

I think it is more weird to be worrying about naming a baby that doesn't exist.

Rhubarbgarden · 12/10/2011 12:58

I'm with Pictish. It would annoy me. I'm irrationally possessive about names and deliberately chose one for dd that was outside top 300. I've just ditched a name for the bump because a friend's sister who I've never met and who lives in Thailand has used it for her new-born. That's just the way I roll.

oohlaalaa · 12/10/2011 13:36

I wouldn't say a word, if its not a best friend or brother/sister. I don't think it matters, nobody owns a name.

Take is as a compliment, that you have picked a lovely name.

dreamingofsun · 12/10/2011 13:45

depends on how popular the name is. if top 20 then they can't have an issue with other children of the same name. if less common they probably chose it because of this and out of courtesy i would ask how they felt - and then if they didn't like it chose another. i'd dislike my children having same names as friends so chosen different on purpose - didn't want them know as big x or little y.

wigglesrock · 12/10/2011 13:52

Wouldn't bother me at all, its just a name. What if you moved and next door neighbours child had the same name? My dentist just called his daughter the same name as my dd1, and I see him about four times a year, maybe more if kids go separately. Friends I would see about six times a year and are facebook friends of my husband have picked a name for their baby the same as dd2 [shrugs].

JiltedJohnsJulie · 12/10/2011 13:57

Like others have said, it is lovely that she has taken the time to forewarn you and yes, she obviously does have fabulous taste .

Georgimama · 12/10/2011 14:01

I only see most of my very closest friends about 6 times a year

One of them has a daughter 2 years younger than my DS whose name is the female version of his name. Didn't bat an eyelid.

Georgimama · 12/10/2011 14:02

Oh and if her DD had been a boy she was going to call him the same thing as DS. Not an issue.

MamaLazarou · 12/10/2011 14:46

Wouldn't bother me at all.

Original poster

Kirstle · 12/10/2011 14:59

Thanks for all your answers girls! :)

OP posts:

fedupofnamechanging · 12/10/2011 18:29

I think it would be okay, because you thought of it first and technically, she nicked it from you

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