Not telling people what you're planning on calling the baby

[AppleyEverAfter]

We fancy Kate for a girl or Samuel for a boy. They are really the only names we both love but I'm still holding out for Francesca if it's a girl (20 weeks gone atm). DH isn't so keen.

I have told a few people what our shortlist is but I don't want to tell everyone just in case we change our minds or, even worse, get negative comments about our choices.

Did you tell people your plans or keep schtum until the birth? Am I being daft in not wanting everyone to know what our unborn child might be called? This is our first baby (as you can probably guess!).

We didn't want to tell anyone as we didn't want to hear their opinions - once the baby is here and named, no one is going to say anything, but before the bay is born, I think some people seem to feel they can comment .

I used to feel really uncomfortable when people asked what we were going to call the baby, and used to just try and say we just had a shortlist and would decide when he arrived. What I hated even more was when they then continued badgering us to tell them the names on our shortlist! Nosy parkers...

With DS1 we told everyone & anyone that his name was Jack. Jack had been my "future son's name" since I was about 9 so there was very little consideration required .

However, it did kind of mean that you have very little left to "announce" when baby arrives . I was, therefore, determined not to do the same with DS2 but - somehow - we couldn't keep our traps shut & once again, everyone knew in advance.

Now 26 weeks along with DC3 and am ADAMANT that we will keep it to ourselves this time!!! Except for asking for opinions/possible problems on here that is .

I told gender but not name. I have since discovered that my mum hated most of the rest of my shortlist - but once they are here, it's much harder to say that sort of thing. I announced her name as they dropped the screen (had an emergency CS, she was delivered by a friend and colleague, there were tears all round).

Early in my pregnancy with DS, DP told some of his friends the names that we'd been thinking of and got negative comments which put him off one of the names. After that, I banned him from telling anyone and we kept our ideas to ourselves.

Nobody minded not knowing and it meant that we could change our minds as frequently as we liked without disappointing anyone.

We are keeping quiet.

A couple of months ago, I mentioned to my mum in passing that I quite liked Felix, and the next time I saw my auntie she started complaining about it - think of the cat food, oh it's cruel, you can't call a baby Felix - so I'm pretty unrepentant about it Besides, my favourite girl's name would be considered an "old lady" name, and I'm not prepared to listen to negative comments about that as well.

Felix is still my favourite boy's name!

We never told anyone the names we'd chosen. Now DC4 is on the way and I'm still not telling. I'm lucky my mum and DC's have enough respect to accept that decision, unlike my so called friend who keeps on and on and on at me to tell her. Or, she tries to trick me into telling her. I've taken to avoiding her wherever possible. As it happens, I reckon she'll absolutely hate the girls name we've chosen, and would try and talk me out of it. (The name was mentioned in an unrelated conversation a while ago and she said it was awful)

In my experience if someone says the names before the baby is born, you can spot peoples reaction if they don't approve. After the baby arrives and you introduce them as baby XX then they're less likely to go "really?...thats...erm...unusual/awful/oldfashioned" No-one is going to insult a baby to their face are they?!

i did and some people pulled faces ,but i like there namesnot and dont really care if they like em or not

Yeh we told everyone the name we picked out. We picked it out quite early on too and both fell in love with it and were really excited by it too. Some people thought we were odd but it was nice being able to call him that from the start instead of 'bump' or whatever.

Saying that, if we have a second I don't know if we would let its name be known. I think we were just sorta so excited we got carried away with it...

Just depends on how you feel about it. After our 20 week scan confirmed we were having a boy - we started referring to bub by our selected name. There was no doubt in our mind what his name would be and it felt right to us to call him by it. I can completly understand why others don't feel the same.

I didn't tell anybody. I didn't want other people's opinions. Simple as!

My sister announced my nephew's name about 2 months before he was born and I hated it, as did my other sister. Now he's born I have warmed to the name, but think it would have been better if she hadn't told us as it's easy to hate a name in theory, but as soon as it belongs to a cute bay it suddenly becomes OK.

notevenamousie I seriously hope you work in a hospital and not in a tax office or something and your colleague just had to make do with a borrowed steak knife and ripped up sheets!

I have always told people while I am still pregnant and never had one single negative comment.

I have to admit I am guilty of calling this baby by her name before she is even born, despite being adamant I wasn't going to. Still, when I had my first 3 DC, despite having had names picked out since about 20 weeks, I found it hard to call them anything other than 'the baby' for days/weeks after their birth, so hopefully I'll avoid that this time.

With this baby we have chosen the name as much for the meaning as the actual name (Abigail, it means 'father's joy') and we have also told people the meaning when we have told them the name.

I wouldn't care if people didn't like our name choice though.

We didn't even hint about our choices for DS (or the girl's name we'd picked) , everyone was happy to wait :)

I only told people I thought had good taste

Seriously, I'm not interested in your opinion if you've got children with "kre8ive" names, carry an LV handbag or have Artex ceilings by choice.

They were a good sounding board, actually. Gay friends were particularly helpful, as they're not in the whole closed bubble of pregnancy and young children and came up with better suggestions than the ubiquitous Isobel/Rory/Samuel/Charlotte you get from people who've been stuck in toddler groups for the past five years.

Holy shit, I've just realised Samuel is one of your choices!

So sorry. I think it's a local thing but there are dozens and dozens of them around here. A friend with one says she knows three others. But that's probably because it's a lovely name.

With DD1 we found out the sex and immediately agreed on her name, Abbie. DP and I both loved this name. We told people that was going to be her name and the amount of rude comments we got was shocking. Scabby Abbie, Westminster Abbey etc. We still called her Abbie though but I thought people were so rude.

DD2, DD3 and DS never told a soul the names until they were born. Everyone knew the sex so I think it was nice to have a surprise to announce to people once they were born and if they didn't look like their chosen name you can always change it.

DD2's name in particular is very unusual and raised a few eyebrows but people are less likely to be rude to a newborn baby than a bump IYSWIM

So IMHO DO NOT TELL ANYONE the name, especially grandparents as they will always try and put you off unless they approve of it.

We did not tell a single soul.
Didn't discuss a shortlist, didn't ask for suggestions.
Just read the number of threads on MN about other parents 'stealing' the name, GPs / ILs disapproving, etc etc.

The baby will have his / her name when born - no need for everyone else to have a view or sneak preview knwledge before the baby itself.

LOL -there you are - Ninedragons post demonstrates exactly why not to discuss beforehand! Every single name will have as many less enthusiastic responses as approving, so why let doubt creep in?
It's between you and your DH.
Once the baby is born, everyone focusses on the actual baby, not the name.

I agree with Ninedragons. We asked those people whose tastes/styles we liked i.e. who shared our tastes. That includes my parents who were really helpful - I value their advice in many parts of my life including naming our children, which is an important decision imo.

On the other hand asking a bunch of random internet users who may have completely different tastes to you really isn't that helpful imo .

Dh and I chose a shortlist of names we both loved and then discussed these with people's whose opinions we trusted and whose tastes we shared.

We all have different tastes and probably everyone who hates my childrens' names will have chosen names for their kids that I'm not keen on. Thankfully we don't all like the same names - life would be very boring .

We didn't with DD1 and won't with DD2 (22 weeks gone). Didn't decide for DD1 till quite late on anyway and it looks like this time round it's going to be even more difficlut. Told everybody what we're expecting but keeping the name a surprise. Also find it a bit odd refering to the unborn child by their name once decided... Not sure why. I suppose for me they do not become identified by that name until I see them.

We didn't even HAVE a name for either of ours before they were born, so no, we didn't tell people in advance!