Husbands/Partners who do not bloody cooperate with choosing baby names.

[nancy10]

I'm expecting a baby girl TODAY!!! I have always loved the name Felicity. No other name has come close. My dh has suggested nothing the whole way through the pregnancy, in fact other names I have suggested he's not liked. I've also told him time and time again that if he thinks of a name he really likes and we both like it then we can change the choice. Then last night we were talking about the baby and he announces he doesn't really like the name Felicity, it's too long and too much of a mouthful and his preferred name is Katie. I like the name Katie but had ruled it out because there are two others in the family who also have the same surname as us. And two other family members who have used it as a middle name. I know that it is impossible to choose a name that someone else hasn't used but I feel Katie is the only possible name in our family that is.
I suggested other names, he didn't like them. So do I tell him tough s**t and stick to my guns and go with Felicity, go with Katie or accept that our baby stands a good chance of having no name for a good time after the birth?

Just like to add that I suggested Felicity and he liked it, which is why we had stuck with it. I didn't tell him that's what she'd be called and he went along with it.

just over a year ago my dh acted in avery similar way i'd loved the name cecily which he had agreed with but just before her birth he decided he loved the name felicity a name which although i liked didn't come close to cecily . dh refused to discuss other names ,dismissed the many names i suggested while offering nothing himself .in the end we pit felicity on her birth cert at the last moment to register , this has caused huge resentment , i really feel he forced me into corner . eventualy at 9 months we changed her name to an alternative but i still feel huge guilt about the fact she was nameless for so long.

so my advice and what i really wish i'd done is to say" she will not be katie but if you "dh" really dislike felicity then we will put that to one side and both go through the name book again and try to come up with an alternative we both love and if you "dh" can't do that we will not register her until have found a name we love ." personally i couldn't force a name on my dh that he claims to dislike

I think the issue here is that he's left it so bloody late in the day! It sounds as though you were very reasonable, you didn't force it on him, he agreed that he liked it and didn't come up with anything else.

On that basis, if he wants to reconsider then he needs to start behaving reasonably. That means doing as freesias suggests and spending some time going through baby naming books and compiling lists. Only you can decide whether Katie stays in as a runner. If you don't want to use it then say so early on.

The hope, of course, is that it will all seem like too much of a faff and he'll accept Felicity (which he clearly has liked in the past). FWIW, my DH is very inconsistent. Thankfully, we've chosen a name for DD3 but when I used to bring up names he would sometimes like a name and then the next week say he didn't like it (with no recollection of having said he liked it).

Felicity's a lovely name, btw .

Thanks for your reply. I think I'm more angry with the fact he has mentioned it so late then I am by changing the name. The only good thing is he has actually realised how upset I am and has suggested himself that we go through the baby name book this evening and both write a list and then compare. I've ruled out Felicity now as I know he'd be just going along with it to keep me happy.

If he had been unsure about Felicity I would have accepted that there was a good chance this would not be her name. There was even a time when he referred to her as Felicity? He has suggested a couple of other names which are lovely names but again over used. I'm all for going with a name that you really like regardless of how popular it is, but where we live the very few names he likes are so popular it's ridiculous.

I think you just change your mind about names. My DH vetoed Emmeline and other names that he now loves and would agree to if we had DD3. We just couldn't agree over DD2's name, so one night I told him to come up with something new - the first name he came up with is now hers, and it really suits her. I had previously vetoed it for DD1 though.

Going through the name book again is lovely - I sooo miss doing that!

I completely sympathise with you. My DH has been a total nightmare over the name choice for DC3 (due in 2 weeks).

DC1 has an unusual name with a lovely meaning (Nyah, meaning purpose), which he chose and I liked. DC2 is Ethan, which I think goes well with Nyah and again has a good meaning (which is strangely important to me...!)

This time I have come up with a few names that I love, but can't use due to the similarity to DD's name (e.g. Naomi, Ava, Niamh). I have fallen in love with the name Esme (and love the meaning, beloved) and think it 'goes' perfectly with the other two names. DH on the other hand doesn't like it at all, BUT hasn't come up with a single decent suggestion either .

I keep asking him if he has had any name ideas, but the answer is always the same! When she arrives I'm going to ask to call her Esme and hope for the best !

I have had an absolute certainty about this baby's name - sadly DH doesn't agree! He has refused to discuss names or suggest anything at any point however (now due Thursday this week!) which has had the net result that 'my' name has just burned further into my consciousness because no alternatives have been put forward.

I've dealt with this by making a list of a few names I think I might be willing to consider, but all with reservations. I hope that after the birth he will come round to my way of thinking and I'm going to offer to let him have the last word on the middle names if he'll give in on the first name.

I know it should be a joint decision but it makes me cross that I have done so much work and research into meanings etc etc and he expects to just swan up at the last minute and have just as much input! Generally in our house he does the practical stuff and I do all the artistic decisions, so to my mind it should sway slightly in my favour anyway :-)

Grr on your behalf. I wanted Felicity for DD, but DH vetoed it on the exact same grounds as your DH. When DD was around 2, he suddenly said (prompted I think, by something on the radio, 'Felicity! We should have called DD that. It would really have suited her. Could have called her Fizzy for short.'

No recollection of his previous views at all. Grr again.

DesertOrchid you sound exactly like me!!! I have put in a huge amount of effort trawling through baby name books and sites looking for the 'perfect' name, and I found it! Unfortunately DH doesn't like it at all, but has made no effort to think of any alternatives! He has actually had the nerve to suggest he has more important (work) things to occupy his mind . We do have Ivy as a possibility, but I feel I'm compromising if we use it... Think this baby may remain nameless for a while!

How frustrating Lancelottie. I still feel the urge to fight for my name. I have been thinking that just because suddenly he's realised the baby needs a name I am not prepared to drop everything and go with his choice. I have looked through the baby name books this afternoon and the other names I would have happily considered he doesn't like. So I've left it with him that we'll go with Katie as I don't not like it. But I don't have to be excited about it either. growing3rdbump that's how I feel, that I'm compromising by using a different name. I liked Felicity before I was even pregnant, he has liked Katie for 24 hours. I have no idea how we managed to name our other 3 dc?

DH refused to discuss names for DD#3 when I was pregnant and eventually told me we could use whatever I chose. Cue birth and DD arriving and DH says "Can we rethink her name?" My reponse to that was fine, you come up with a name and if I like it we'll change, but come up with it today, she is not remaining nameless. Half an hour later he decided he couldn't actually come up with anything else and I got my way with her name

i always think you have to see a baby to name it - what if she looks like a Laura and not a Felicity?! You won't know til she pops out (and your DH will be so overwhelmed with love he will agree to anything anyway)

My DP hates the name Felicity, he considers it poncey/frilly/too long etc. You cannot force the name on him.

I think Katie is a nice name. Any other two syllable names he may like, and you also - Sophie, Hannah, Megan, Cara etc.

Sorry I skimmed too much, you are clearly not forcing the name. Good luck in finding another.

Well, on Wednesday 4th May I gave birth to our beautiful baby daughter. My dh was a bit shocked after the birth as it was very quick. When the midwife asked what her name was going to be, I said that we hadn't decided. My dh suggested Felicity after all And we've had so many compliments which has helped him to like it!

well done your DH!

and well done to you for the birth :)

Congratulations Nancy! Felicity is a lovely name.

Congratulations! I hope my DH does the same thing :-)

Congratulations Nancy - I'm keeping my fingers crossed that my DH will do the same!!! Lovely name!