ok long rambling story but here goes
dd has just turned one too late to change her name etc
when she was born dp insisted there was only one name he liked , unfortunately i loathed it but dp refused to discuss names and vetoed every name i suggested . he believed his name for her would grow on me because i loved her . after a difficult birth c section, i gave in and accepted his choice in tears in the registry office on the last day we could register her and called her name a , name b. i felt that as i had a section dp didn't feel i had a right to name her
when she was 6 months old she had been baptised by then , dp realised i still loathed it and could hardly bring myself to use it,even though all our friends and family in rl loved it , and he aggreed reluctantly to use her name b, a name we both liked but had discounted because it didn't feel right (too try hard posh) and dp had been quite negative about it during the pregnacy as he was with every name suggested .name b was in my top ten names but towards the bottom of that list but had been dps second choice
6 months on although i like the name we are using for her i don't love it , and if i hear anyone say anything negative about it , i wonder have we made the right decision . in reality name b was the lesser of 2 evils . i still don't feel it suits her .i also dislike it's most obvious nn . i feel guilty because i love her dearly and hate the fact that she will always know her name has been changed , caused so much heartache etc, she will have trouble with form filling etc and that although i like her name i don't love it especially as she is not our first dc and i love her siblings names and wouldn't care what others thought of them .
on top of this many people who know we changed her name still call her by the name a and even those who use her new name say things such oh her name a was such a lovely name implying her name b is not .
although i know we have to keep using her new name because it would be completely unfair to change it again now , i keep wondering if we should have carried on using name a , as it would have caused less heartache for dd . i feel angry with dp as we could have avoided all this if he'd just listened in the first place and angry with myself for not refusing to name her until dp discussed it properly .
i am not normally this indecisive athe other dcs sorted either prebirth or within an hour of being born , so i really don't know what went wrong this time . (more guilty feelings)
i think in reality i feel like this because i feel i not only did i not get the birth i hoped for , i also feel i was left out of naming her iyswim
if you've experienced this when did you get over the names you didn't use and learn to love the name you did .
if not how do i move from liking to loving her name and not being constantly knocked by others opinions .
tell me to get a grip but please be gentle (i feel genuinely upset about this ) , tell me i'll love her name because i love her and i'll get over this becuse i know this is stupid , i know i need to move on but how .