Would you ask...

[changeychangerson]

I have name changed just because I am giving away a few details and would like your advice.
DH and I are expecting twins and are trying to come up with different names etc. We aren't finding out the sexes so need to be prepared.
We both really love Emma for a girl, my SIL (my side, brothers wife) is called Emma.
Would you ask her if she would mind us using her name or is that silly?
Also I would like to use Helen as a middle name (not for Emma) because we had a sister who died between my older DB and me and should I ask my Mum and Dad if I can use it or am I being over cautious?
TIA

If you asked either your parents or your SIL, and they said no, we're rather you didn't use this name, would you change? I ask because, if you are set on using the name and wouldn't change, then don't ask. However, if it would change your mind then ask.

TBH, I'd definitely ask your parents, as it's a sensitive subject for them, but I suspect most people would be pleased that you're remembering your older sister. I wouldn't ask your SIL, as she doesn't 'own' the name, but I might warn her, in a jokey way.

Congratulations on your twins! I think your SIL would probably be flattered that you like her name (and that she hasn't put you off it!) and your parents would be touched that you wanted to honour your sister by using her name. I don't think it can do any harm running the names by them just in case though.

Thanks poled yes we would change if it was a problem, we have a few ideas and some others that we really like.
I think you are right regarding my parents, I will mention it nearer the time if we are still set on the name and like you say, throw it into conversation with SIL

Thanks getawiggle

Congratulations!

I would maybe run Helen pass your Ma and Pa (nearer the time just in case you and DH change your mind), however I'm sure they would be delighted. It's a lovely nod to your late sister. It's a middle name so won't be used everyday.

With your SIL, just say..very casual like..we've always loved your name and take your que from her!?!

what highlandgirl said.

But wait a while, as if you talk it through, then change your minds, that might be more painful for your parents.

Congratulations on your growing babies
x

I'd agree to check about the Helen name too. I had a cousin who died in infancy, and was going to use her name as a middle name for DD, but hadn't mentioned it to my family - then out of the blue my Dad said 'if it is a girl you aren't going to call her Clare, are you, it is a bad luck name in this family and your gran would be really upset'. I was quite shocked but glad he'd mentioned it as it would have been terrible to try and do something nice and instead cause trauma. (Bit sad about the bad luck thing but that is not for here).