Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Choosing the same name as a friend's baby?

32 replies

GumtreeGirl · 03/01/2011 13:12

Just wanting to gauge opinion really.

I'm pregnant, along with 6 friends, most of whom I see a lot (my ante-natal class from the last time around). We're all due in monthly installments from about now until late May.

Obviously we're all thinking of names, but I wondered whether calling your baby the same name as friend's baby is a big no-no, or whether this is OK.

So - if you found a friend had named her baby the same as yours, would you be annoyed at 'name stealing', flattered that you both have great taste or not bothered either way?

Any thoughts? My feeling is that it shouldn't matter but I also think that some people might be miffed and I wouldn't want to ruffle feathers...

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

mrsweasleyismyalterego · 03/01/2011 13:29

depends on the name if it's in the top ten even top 50 then it's to be expected and you can't really be upset

if it's ranked below 100 and it's been choosen as it's unusual or rare etc then i can understand why some might be irritated .

but in general no one owns a name and whatever name you choose people will just have to like it or lump it

ShoppingDays · 03/01/2011 13:35

I don't see any problem with it. No-one owns a name and a good friend wouldn't take offence, you can just say how similar your tastes are :)

Nightstar · 03/01/2011 13:51

I would say its a massive NO NO!

There are millions of names out there, why use someone elses?

Unless it was yours first, or a family name, in which case i would get a little bit assertive.

ditavonteesed · 03/01/2011 13:58

I would have been seriously pissed off tbh,

DancingThroughLife · 03/01/2011 14:05

Have you been sharing ideas with each other?

If you have, and you've suggested one that someone then gets in first with I'd be pissed off. Likewise if you use a name before the person who suggested it uses it.

But, if it's a top 20 name, then there'll be that many around anyway it won't make a difference.

If someone uses 'your' name, just say "That's nice, it's what we've decided to call this baby if it's a girl/boy"

If they still get miffed, well, you might not be friends in 20, 10 or even 3 years so it might not be a massive deal anyway

tebbles · 03/01/2011 14:39

It depends on the friendship and the name.

tummytickler · 03/01/2011 15:29

Pesonally, I would never name my baby the same name as somebody I knew, and I would be gutted if one of my friends gave their child the same name as one of my dc.
I agree that if it is a top 10/20 name that you have to expect it though.

suiledonne · 03/01/2011 15:35

It happened to me last year and I must admit I was quite upset by it. I knew that I was being silly and that no-one 'owns' a name and was a bit surprised by my reaction but couldn't help it.

My friend rang from the hospital a few hours after giving birth to say she was using the name we had given dc2. I was totally taken by surprise because she never mentioned liking the name before. I felt there was nothing I could do but say it was fine.

She never knew I was put out by it but it took me a couple of months to get used to it. It didn't help that the second name she picked was also very similar to my dc's second name.

Also whenever I met a mutual friend and the subject came up I felt people were watching my reaction but I was careful not to say anything negative.

NorkilyChallenged · 03/01/2011 15:41

Difficult one this.

We had a girl's name picked out from before even trying to get pregnant (my grandmother's name). Was pregnant for the first time at the same time as a friend expecting her first (about a week apart). They openly discussed names whereas we preferred to keep names secret, and by about 12 weeks had settled on the same girl's name or a particular boy'sname. We just hoped that we weren't both having a girl. At 20 week scans, both girls! They immediately started using "our" girl's name when referring to their baby.

DH and I seriously discussed using another name. It was particluarly annoying because it would always look as though we copied them. In the end, we opted for DH emailing the husband (they were friends first anyway) and explaining that they had great taste in names as we'd already picked the same one and that it was a family name. I do'nt know what they thought but to us their reaction was only positive. And actually we see them very infrequently these days, so I'm glad I didn't give up a very dear family name that I love.

Upshot is, names are a minefield and - even if someone doesn't say that they have a name in mind - you never know when that decision was made anyway. Go with what you are happy with and try not to let it spoil things for you. Once the babies are born it'll fade a bit.

ValiumTinselton · 03/01/2011 17:04

I wouldn't have done,, but loads of people will say 'nobody owns a name'. That's true of course but it can still cause some bad feeling and/or confusion.

SO my instinct would be to avoid using a name that somebody in your circle had just used. I think if about three years have passed, it becomes less potentially awkward though.

If you copy somebody within months of their baby, then it looks like you've no imagination, but if you use the same name a good few years on, imo, it looks like after much thought you still really like the name, and by that stage you know so many people with young children that it's getting hard to pick one you both agree on that hasn't been 'taken'.

Prinpo · 03/01/2011 17:58

Agree that it depends upon the name and the friendship. Is this something that you know is going to happen? If so, can you talk to the person concerned?

IAmReallyFabNow · 03/01/2011 18:02

I had a group of friends from a ante natal group and I was last but one to have their baby. The lady before me had her baby and gave him the name DH and I had chosen. It never crossed my mind to change it and we aren't in touch now so if I had it would have been pointless. The babies were just known as Little Freddie and Big Freddie.

Sarsaparilllla · 03/01/2011 19:26

I wouldn't do it myself if it was a close friend

Wigeon · 03/01/2011 19:38

Agree that it depends on how unusual the name is. Although if you both love the same name, why not!

I am pregnant with DC2 and one of our favourite boys' names is the same as the name of the second child of one of my antenatal class friends from my first child so quite similar to you (although we haven't all had Number 2 quite so close together as your group!).

The name is a Top 20 (but not top 10) name. DD would probably have been called it if she was a boy, so we had already picked it before I met this friend. I am still regularly in touch with her, but it's such a normal / common name that I would have no qualms at all using it for this baby (if it's a boy).

It was a bit weird when my two closest friends from school married men with very similar, but fairly unusual surnames (think Smith and Smyth but more unusual), and changed their names to their husbands, both had girls (about 2 years apart) and both called their girls the same name.

So the little girls are (for example) Emma Smyth and Emma Smith. Mrs Smith did check with Mrs Smyth (who'd had the first Emma) whether she'd mind, and she said she wouldn't, but it was hard for her to say she would! They do live quite a long way apart, so it's not as if the children will be in the same school or anything.

BreastmilkDoesAFabEggnogLatte · 03/01/2011 21:33

I think it depends too on the friend and the friendship. If she doesn't mind, fair enough. If she's going to take offence and/or make a drama out of it, it mightn't be worth it...

Kiki84 · 03/01/2011 21:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sparkleshine · 03/01/2011 21:56

I'd never give it much thought in the past tbh and thought it really wouldn't bother me...

But I've just been told only yesterday by my DP sister that her pregnant best friend wants to name her baby (if a boy) the same as our DS. Apparently she has always loved the name ( classic name, always in top 20 but don't actually know any myself) and wouldve used it anyway.

DP sister thinks it's weird and would get confusing ( nephew and possible godson) We don't actually socialise together or are close to her ourselves but have known her for years.

I don't know how I feel but I know it doesn't feel right with me somehow but can't explain why or what it is. I think maybe it's that DS is the only baby I know ( Inc nursery) with that name and it makes him special. Don't think I'm making much sense but it doesn't sit right with me.
Hoping she has a girl

( sorry for essay)

poppydaisy · 03/01/2011 21:58

Another big NO from me. There are millions of names out there, why use one that belongs to someone else already...

Tamasine · 03/01/2011 22:52

It honestly wouldn't bother me one bit - and I have 2 children with names outside the top 20. I'd be flattered to be honest!

Original poster

GumtreeGirl · 03/01/2011 23:12

Interesting to read your replies. I've not discussed it with my friends, I just wanted to find out general opinions.

The names I have in mind are both in the top 40, so not very very popular (like Jack or Olivia), but not so unusual that it would necessarily look like copying, were this to happen. And I'd probably talk about it with the friend first.

I do think that unless the name is very unusual, way outside the top 100, then you can't claim 'ownership' of a name, especially ones that are common. After all, if you like a name, chances are that the firends you hang out with who share your views, likes and dislikes, will also like the name for the same reasons you do...

I also think it does depend on the friend, and also realistically how long you'll be around each other for - if you know that you'll be moving to another area within 5 years and perhaps lose touch then it might be different to someone you know you'll be meeting for the next 20 years (like a sister in law ferinstance).

OP posts:

stropicana2011 · 03/01/2011 23:15

NO don't do it. There are so many names out there, no need. Although I'd be annoyed if a friend used the name I wanted.

ButterflyChild · 03/01/2011 23:23

No-one owns names. Your child will live with the name for the rest of their life. You might lose touch with the antenatal group/friends in a few years (some one moves house, children go to different schools etc. Name your child for life, not just for now.

TheSecondComing · 03/01/2011 23:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

purpleiris · 03/01/2011 23:34

My DS has a very popular name and recently I've heard of quite a few friends of friends using the same name - doesn't bother me really as it is very popular. If it were a close friend or family member, however, I would be very upset!!

I like a boy's name that one of my friends has used for her DS's middle name. She considered it a first name for a while, but then used it as a middle - I was made up because I love it as a first. But still worry that she might be bothered if I used it, what do you think?

Also, I have my heart set on a girl name, which DH actually agrees on. It is THE name for us. However, I realised the other day that SIL and BIL had this name planned had their DS been a girl. I think I'd have to pretend I didn't remember this! And I'd be gutted if they have a girl before us and use it! Even though I shouldn't be!

ShoppingDays · 04/01/2011 00:16

If someone's petty enough to quibble over names are they really a good friend anyway?

Flip

1 2