Surname argument with DH - need advice!

[FullaDoll]

Although DH and I are legally married, I never took his surname. This is because I have never been welcomed into his family. They have snubbed me from the beginning in spite of my doing everything I possibly can to make them like me. I didn't want to be tagged onto this family that didn't want me.

When our son was born, DH was desperate for him to have his surname, and I agreed, as I wanted to make him happy. I did think of hyphernating our surnames, but I think this is a bit naff.

Fast forward a few years... we are doing IVF and expect to be pregnant within the next few months (I have just had an unsuccessful cycle, but am feeling hopeful for the next cycle). So, it is likely that we will have at least one child to name. Probably two as we are doing IVF. Oh, and we are also doing PGD for gender selection so it/they will be girls.

So, the surname issue has cropped up again. Nothing has changed with his family, in fact it is worse. But I don't want to be the only one with my surname so I am revisiting the idea of our children (and probably me as well) having a double-barrelled surname.

I raised this with DH and after much arguing he said he is agreeable, as long as his surname goes first. The thing is, I think it sounds terrible that way around as my surname is longer. I just think it sounds better with the longer name first.

So we have reached a stalemate situation.

What does everyone else think? I know there are bigger problems in the world, but, well, this is a baby name forum so I am hoping to get some advice.

Thanks in advance!

Yeah, well, this is causing me quite a bit of anguish and I have considered - more than once - cancelling the IVF because of it.

Honestly, I have a fantastic marriage, but the problems with DH's family cast a shadow over everything else. For this reason, I am keen to sort out these issues before we have another child.

Hi Fulla,

I suppose my situation is a bit different, as I'm not married, but I did have a similar dilema. My DD has my surname. We couldnt make a decision, and were still unsure on the way to register her birth, but I do not agree with the "Everyone takes the man's surname brigade".

Dd is both of our daughter equally, and personally I find that really out-dated and quite sexist. DD's name really suits her, and DP doesn't feel any less her Father because of it! (I think the fact that DP's surname has the word cock in it did make the decision a bit easier!!)

xx

You have to consider that sur name your husband's name, not HIS FAMILY's NAME.

Never mind them. If you get upset by their snubbing you then it shows them that what they think of you matters to you.

Good luck with the next round of IVF!

Well, I talked to DH last night and relayed a few of the points made on here, and guess what? He came home from work today and said, "OK, let's do it. I see now how important it is to you".

So, thanks very much everyone! I am extremely grateful for all your good advice.

Oh, and for the record, changing a name online through Deed Poll is very easy. You fill in the form online, they send it to you, you sign and return it, and that's it.

Thanks again!

Fulla xxx