Which surname?!

[JBrd]

I did not take my DH's surname when we got married, and I can see the discussion coming on which surname the baby is going to have. DH has a bog-standard, v. common last name, whereas mine is a bit more unusual, as my dad came from Hungary... There's a lot of history connected to my family name, and I would really like our baby to have my last name. Tried to persuade DH to be progressive and modern and take my name when we got married, but he was going to have none of it.

We haven't actually discussed it properly yet, but from some very brief brushes with this topic, I'm thinking that he will want DC to have his name. He can be very old-fashioned at times...

Anyone else have this problem? How did you go about it?

Have both. We did.

Can you use both, or use yours as a middle name...?

My friend is in the same situation - they actually chose a FIRST name to reflect her surname. Her surname is Anderson, their son is called Anders. CUTE.

Same as us. Our DD has two forenames then kreecher then DH's surname. My surname is one of her middle names, it isn't hyphenated despite her current schools best efforts

We gave our DC two surnames unhyphenated and I have another friend who has done the same. My surname is quite boring and short but DH's is very uncommon and it would be a shame to lose it.
Then of course you can argue about which order they should go in

I didn't take my DH's name when we married this year. I didn't want to take his name and didn't want to force him to take mine.

Now we have baby on the way and we really want a family name. His parents kept their surnames so he has his mum's as middle name and dad's as a surname (if he'd been a girl he would have got his mum's as a last). As a compromise (and because we looked back at family names on both sides and realised this was the only one that wouldn't be carried on), we're both changing our name to his mum's name. I have the deed poll forms through today!

I don't think there's anything wrong with having both, though, or with having one of them and maybe giving the kid the other as a middle name. Never did DH any harm. Well...

I have kept my surname for work, as its very unusual and long. It also suits my first name (Kate). However for home life, I use DH surname. I'd like to have kept my surname, but neither him or his family were liking this suggestion.

I dont like DH's surname.

Unfortunately, two surnames for our child would be too much, due to my long surname.

Also, giving DC my surname is not up for negotiation. DH is very traditional, and would never agree to it. It is an argument I could never win.

Sorry, not much help, but if your hubbie is as traditional as mine, you may just have to accept it and use your surname as a middle name.

Ours have 2 unhyphenated surnames and we love it.

Our family, our name!

Yes, either double-barrel or use one as a middle name (does have to be yours!!!!!!!). I took my dh's name as my family name and use mine professionally and my baby is going to have mine as its middle name and then when older if can choose.

DP and I aren't married, so did have this issue.

Luckily I dislike my surname (and due to my heritage, it's not a 'family' name) so we're using his.

We're giving DC-to-be a middle name from my background however, as that seems fair.

I don't think OP should have to accept it just because her DH thinks so - hyphenated? Why not?

Like the idea of unhyphenated double last name... However, how can you then tell the difference between a middle name and the last name? Especially as with my name, people will have no clue (it's Hungarian).

Guess the alternative would be to use one of our last names as a middle name... But We'll still fight over whose name to use for what then!

so wouldnt my friend's idea work? If your surname is unusual, can't you shorten/change it in some way and use it as baby's FIRST name?

Well, my DH's nephew already has got the family name as a first name, so can't do that. And turning my last name into a first name - hhmmmmm, I'd be worried the poor DC will get beaten up in school about that!
I think the middle name/combined surnames might be the best compromise, but it'll still be a struggle in which order they will go. DH thinks that having 2 last names might also get DC into trouble in school...Children can be cruel.

It's hard to come up with a solution without knowing yr surname :(

Although ours is officially not hyphenated I do stick a hyphen in sometimes if I think they may be confusion... not often needed though.