My borther wants the same name for his DC as I do - silly worry!

[thequark]

I am 6 months pregnant. My brother is newly married but they are not pregnant though for all I know they could be ttc. He was asking me about babynames and I told him we are not telling anyone them and he said he suspects we both want the same boy's name - my grandfathers name. He is right - that is what we have chosen if it is a boy (we have not found out the sex).

Anyway, I guess it's a case of whoever has a son first can use it - we couldn't both use it because it would be weird for cousins to have the same first name and also because in our culture (Jewish) we don't give people the name of living relatives - just of dead ones who had a long life).

But now I feel really bad that we might take his name - even though it is a name I love and told my husband that I wanted it for a boy on about our third date!

Aaaaargh - stop me feeling bad... I will probably have a girl anyway so it will be irrelevant. But then will I feel need to get pregnant again asap so we have another chance of using it before they do?

The name is Samuel by the way so it's not an unusual name.

Don't be silly, your brother might never have a boy. And he will be pleased for you if you have a boy called Samual, because that will be nephew.

We called our ds the name that my sister in law wanted for a boy, but she has never had a son and is pleased to have the name used for her nephew.

If you have a boy I would use it, belgo is right, you never know if your brother (or you) will have a girl.

When I was pregnant I had a few favourite girls' names, when I told my cousin she said one (Evie) was the name she wanted if she ever had a girl.

So, I did not use the name, partly because of that. Then when she did have a girl she called her Ella. I was little irked that she had been so adamant about Evie when I liked it, but hey ho!

If you like it, use it. There is no guarantee that your brother will have a son. It would be a shame for you to have your heart set on it and always have a 'second best' name if you have a DS.

DH's family is Jewish, and DH's mum had four sisters, all of whom wanted to name their eldest sons Aaron after a great-grandfather who was a famous rabbi.

So they did, and DH (third son of his parents) has three first cousins named

Big Aaron
Aaron-who-emigrated-to-Australia
Aaron-who-still-hasn't-finished-his-PhD

The fourth Aaron, sadly, died through cot death. And DH's fourth aunt had three daughters but no sons.

But you get my drift. Just call him Samuel!

My brother 'stole' my favourite name for a baby, but now I have an adorable niece with the perfect name. Couldn't be happier.

What if you have a son and don't use it so that your brother can and he only has girls? Then the name 'goes to waste' as it were. No-one owns a name

Family tradition aside, it's always tricky when a friend or relative uses a name that you wanted to use, isn't it?

I wouldn't mind in the slightest if a friend or relative wanted to use the same name for their DC as we had. (Though it probably wouldn't occur to me that they wanted to!) But I suspect some friends and rellies would be very put out if we 'stole' their DC's name.

Having said that, there was a DS name I was quite keen on, but it was the name that a friend had given to her stillborn preemie son :( so I asked her how she would feel if I used it. She said, 'Goodness, llandb, I don't have a patent on the name! Obviously I think it's a great name and you should use it if you agree!'

And another friend caught wind of the fact that we'd been rather keen on the name she gave her DS - so she said rather frankly that she had twice been under family pressure not to use the name she wanted, knew how that felt, and that if we wanted to use the name, that was fine by her.

Is there any chance you and your brother could agree that both of you can use the name?

Otherwise, well, he hasn't exactly called dibs in any way that gives him priority over you (as you both 'staked your claim', as it were, simultaneously). And your present bump will arrive before any that they may or may not have on the way. So if your bump turns out to be blue, then I think you would be perfectly within reason to name him Sam :)

Just in case this helps you experience any potential guilt in a different light :) - would you feel the same way if your newly-married sibling was a sister rather than a brother? Or, if the tables were turned, do you think he would give up the name he wanted for your benefit?

Good luck!

yes you are right - thank you. My DH thinks I am mad for us not to use it if we have a boy because I have been on about it forever!

Yeah, def. don't worry about it thequark - like you say, you might not have a boy - or your brother might not have a boy.

You should use it, if you have a boy.

If I were in your position I'd speak to my brother, just so he knew I hadn't got the idea from his comment IYSWIM. Just agree that whoever has a boy first uses it (if they want to) and wont be offended if whoever has a boy second chooses to do the same. You have equal dibs on it. Either that or you have to both agree not to use it, or only to use it for a middl e name.