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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

2 Middle Names too much?

24 replies

Mama2Monkeys · 28/08/2010 19:21

I am 28wks pregnant with DC3, a boy. I already have a boy and girl both with one middle name each after daddy and mummy. Me and DH are arguing about DC3 middle name and no resolution in sight. Please help.

I wanted with this being our last babe and a boy to have the middle name after my father whom is an amazing man and does a lot for/with his 2 GC. But mainly because a father/daughter thing and means a lot to me. Well DH after agreeing to this has done an about turn. He said he wants his dad's name "in there too".

In the past both me and DH haven't liked 2 middle names as believed it sounded too much and the 2nd middle name is often an after thought just not to upset people.

But I REALLY don't want 2 middle names for DC3. But I honestly think ILs would understand just my dad name being used. I want to make a big deal to my dad using JUST his name. My nephew's middle name is after FIL. Also if to get arsey DH's family hardly bother with current DCs. Whereas my parents are VERY involved and amazing.

I even tried to compromise and say 1st name my dad's, middle name FIL but DH doesnt like it. To be honest I would like a name I choose as first name anyway but just trying to use my dad's name.

Am I being unreasonable or stupid? HELP. I am getting really down and even angry at times about this. Me and DH cant talk names without arguing which is really sad.

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zazen · 28/08/2010 19:43

Sorry to hear you're having a bit of bother... can the midwife not have a word with your Dh that he's upsetting you

We used two middle names for our DC..

Actually I could have written anything in there, and I'm sorry i didn't go with the spelling I liked when I filled out the form..

Is there any way you could call your DS by your dad's name first and then 'his' name and then your DH's dad's as a middle?

Make sure you fill out the forms, then you can do what you like!!!

Tootlesmummy · 28/08/2010 19:45

Sorry but I can see your DH's point of view.

Personally, I think middle names are a waste of time so why not just give new baby one name!?

4madboys · 28/08/2010 19:48

my eldest son has two middle names after both his grandads, i always said i would give my son my dads name as a middle name and my dp's father died just before i got pregnant with ds1, so we used his name as well.

ds1 is Theodore David William, and then he has a double barrelled surname! i guess it is long! but he doesnt mind and he tend to just put theodore d w and then surname :)

TakeLovingChances · 28/08/2010 20:03

All the kids in DH's family have 2 middle names. In the opinion of him and his siblings having 2 is a PITA, especially when it comes to filling in official documents.

I think it looks nice written down and is interesting to hear where each of the names come from, but I do understand why it'd be a bit annoying sometimes.

I only have one middle name and when DS was born DH and I both agreed to only give him one middle name.

Pleb1969 · 28/08/2010 20:20

Way to make your husband feel included! What is the big deal about 2 middle names? Use your fathers name and his fathers name and everyone is happy. So what if nephew has Fil name? That's nothing to do with your family really. Our 3 sons all have 2 middle names and at no point did we think about them being too long. We chose them because they meant something to us and both sides of the family. This is not worth causing friction over. I wanted my youngest to be called Jonathan (so could be shortened to Jon/John) but DH didn't like Jonathan. He was registered and christened as John. This is not about winning or getting your way, it's about compromise. Dumb idea from Zazen for you to get your own way by filling out the forms, that's just asking for major trouble. Hope you can resolve this sensibly.

Original poster

Mama2Monkeys · 28/08/2010 21:40

thanks for ALL your comments. Need to really think now.

I have considered having both names and not having a middle name at all. I know all this is stupid and hate the falling out over it. Just obviously means a lot like our babes name should I guess.

OP posts:

CarGirl · 28/08/2010 21:44

My dc all have 2 middle names, I thought my eldest would be an only, they all have special meanings and tbh we have a common surname it helps make their names unique!

It really doesn't matter how many names they have tbh.

OracleOfDelphinium · 28/08/2010 21:45

My DC also have two middle names. If DH and I both used our surnames, they'd have quadruple-barrelled surnames too. The more the merrier, I reckon.

wisteria12 · 28/08/2010 21:48

All my DCs have 3 middle names, out of choice. None of them have the names of members of our families. We just like names! 2 is fine.

Rockbird · 29/08/2010 20:32

DD has two long middle names. My brother has five middle names. It doesn't matter one jot how many you give so do whatever pleases you :)

ivykaty44 · 29/08/2010 20:38

My dd2 was named by my mum and my dd1 it is a long and rather awful story as to why this happend but they oth picked her first naem (I would have vetoed a name I didn't like) and then my dd1 wanted my name as her sisters middle name.

7 weeks before my baby was bron my mum died so and I decided to name my daughter as my mum and dd1 had decided but i gave her another middle name which was my mums first name...

I hadn't wanted ny middle naems really - though not to woried but to go through life with two middle names!

Fortunately they are only 12 letters in all three names

i really can understand why you want to use a name that means a lot to you as a person

I can also understand why you wouldn't want another persons name tagged on that doesn't mean anything

i don't really think there is a comprimise to this one

Original poster

Mama2Monkeys · 29/08/2010 22:05

ivykaty - thank you for your input and also sharing your story. I know someone who's mother passed away shortly before the birth of her 1st child after she had nursed her mum. Her son's middle name "Aron" is after her mother in reverse "Nora". You are a very brave and lovely lady for taking the time to help silly me.

Soooo confused . so many good arguements on both sides. I think I still havent made a decision whether to go with the flow or drop the subject because I personally dont want 2 middle names and emotionally it meant a lot to have my dad's name and JUST my dad's name. But at the same time I dont like upsetting DH and I definitely dont like arguing about something that should be so happy like with my other DCs. I have tried compromise in terms of 1st name my dad and middle name FIL but not good enough or even my maiden name as middle name. Dont think either me of DH will budge to be honest so prob end up forgetting middle names altogether. Which does upset me and I hope doesn't hurt my dad's feelings but what can I do.

OP posts:

Chunkamatic · 29/08/2010 22:21

I have two middle names, as do my parents, my siblings and coincidentally my DP. As a result we have given our DS's 2 middle names - partly to honour the tradition but partly so that we had the opportunity to honour some important people in their lives - so DS1 is named for his grandfathers and DS2 has his Uncle and DP's name.

I do understand if you think it's a bit fussy to have two names... but I think you are getting a bit caught up with it. Is it really so terrible? I very, very rarely use all three of my names - only on very official stuff like passports and how often do you fill those forms out? It's not going to take up too much extra time in his life is it?!

I'm sure your Dad will be honoured to have your DS named for him, it won't matter that your FIL's name is there too. Being a good GD is not about being competitive with the family on the other side... it sounds like you are lucky to have helpful and supportive parents, but your DP's shouldn't have to be ignored because they don't babysit as much.

lulabellamozerella · 30/08/2010 15:28

My best friend and her brother have 5 middle names each. They hate it. However, two is fine I think, most people I know have two middle names.

Original poster

Mama2Monkeys · 30/08/2010 17:36

thanks AGAIN ladies. Now considering after all your advice to have both GF names as middle names but want to have a first name that sounds nice on its own but when all said together IYSWIM. Also considering my other DCs names (Ryan and Alyssa).

The middle names are Stephen David. Idea's for a well fitting 1st name? Maybe something short?

OP posts:

whiteflame · 30/08/2010 18:00

5 middle names?!

lulabellamozerella · 30/08/2010 18:22

Yeah, her parents didn't want to upset anyone so they've each got their grandparents names respectively, then their mother's maiden name then two which their parents actually wanted. My friend almost changed it by deed poll but her grandma kicked up a fuss so she didn't.

chainedtothedesk · 31/08/2010 09:47

Presuming you have your DH's surname, which is the same as his Dad's, his name is already there...

This is the arguement i've used with my OH and he is happy with that. Good luck!

pumperspumpkin · 31/08/2010 10:12

Stephen David sounds nice. My son is Oliver Robert David with his middle names being after his grandfathers. Don't feel you've got to pick a short name for his first name unless it goes with your surname, it's much more important it sounds good with that as it's not like people are going to be calling him his full name all the time.

(By the way - I have two middle names too. My four initials spell my (maiden) surname backwards.)

Original poster

Mama2Monkeys · 31/08/2010 16:39

chainedtothedesk - I have tried Stephen David as first and middle names and yep DH surname. But DH doesnt want to call his son Stephen. Says he cant picture it. This of course would solve the whole issue but DH is having none of it . You have a more rational OH than I. Love your MN name BYW.
pumperspumpkin - not necessarily restricting myself to a short first name i just thought maybe it would be an idea. Really stuck as to what goes with Stephen David and is nice still on its own.

Suggestions.

OP posts:

DetectivePotato · 31/08/2010 20:37

I wanted to have DS's name after my dad, DH said he wanted his dads too even though I pointed out our sirname is from his family.

DS has 2 middle names. Not a problem. Neither are my favourite names but as they are after someone then I'm not that bothered.

daisystone · 01/09/2010 13:46

I have two middle names and I love it. One is classic and one more unusual as it is not an English name.

I really like saying my full name when asked. Don't know what the problem is and why you see it as a problem.

A1980 · 01/09/2010 13:52

It depends on the names and the length of them.

At my graduation ceremony I realised one of my classmates had three names "Violetta Millicent Vanessa" and she also had a long double barrelled surname. There were chuckles and groans from the entire hall. So it depends what they are and the length and the surname.

I only have one middle name but both of my names have 4 syllables each and it's a bit of a mouthful. So perhaps my first name with two one syllable names would be easier to say.

KittyTwoShoes · 01/09/2010 15:30

I like 2 middle names. I have 3, and none of my names are exactly short! Sometimes I don't put them all on forms when they offer only one middle name, but I think it's nice having them - similarly, they were all chosen for family members (grandmother, father's twin sister who died at birth, etc) so even if some of the names wouldn't be my cup of tea, I like having them because they're meaningful.

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