Using family names: Has it worked for you? Or has it backfired?

[Starberries]

We have a small list of names for DS due in January.

Middle names we like are family names. However, most of my family has recently had a huge falling out with my grandad, who's name we want to use as a middle name. I am not pleased with him at all but the name is also name of DP's great-grandfather, and 2 little boys who are very close to us, so it still has special meaning.

Should we bite the bullet and use it? Or will it cause a row ?

Has anyone had an experience of using family names? What did you find?

Use it if you like it.

Fmily will soon get over it.

I guess it might depend what the row was about, and how serious it was?

also if it's a middle name it doesn't matter as much IYSWIM.

my DS has 2 middle names, one is my late grandfather's and my nan was so happy we used it. we also used DH's nan's maiden name, Reeve, as she was the last person in the family to have that name.

All of DS' names are family names first and two middle; and one of DDs middle names is a family

I think using a family name is something you'll never regret, even if there's been a falling out. I think it makes a baby seem more like a member of the family right from the start if they are given a family name. Or does that sound crazy. All mine have family names. I'd do it again if given the chance.

My son has my dad's name as his middle name and I don't regret it. My x did say (nastily) that my father wasn't worthy of having a child named for him, but I have no regrets.

All of my 4 children have been named after family members and I have never regretted it, I dont like my middle name but I love the fact my parents named me after my late aunt it makes the name special and precious

In my DH's family, there is a tradition middle names being family names for many generations. For example, FIL has his grandfather's first name as his middle name, as does DH, and now DS does. It is quite lovely if you really like who your DC is named after, and DS is quite happy that he and Grandpa share a name.

This is a good thread. DH and I are thinking of using family names - Edith for a girl, after his grandmother who died shortly after we were married, and Sidney for a boy, after my granddad, who died a year beforehand.

Really we're doing it because we think they are lovely names, for some reason we both agree on them (we never agree on any names) and we think the family connection makes it special and strong. But I'm worried about a couple of things: 1. Ending up with four boys or something and not having enough family names we like to go around! 2. Issues of family balance. DH has always wanted to use his dad's name as a middle name (he and his dad are very close but rarely articulate it, so this is a beautiful gesture), but I don't want to use my dad's name (Vincent) as a middle name because I don't like it at all! Sidney is my mother's father. My dad's father was called John, and he was an extremely violent alcoholic who died in an asylum, so that's an absolute no go (but tbh, my granddad Sid was pretty bad too in his own way). So I can imagine people getting a bit narked that we've chosen names unevenly. I could use James, my dad's middle name, as a middle name, I suppose.

I think we're going to try to get around it by firmly telling everybody we're not naming our DCs after their grandparents, but using family names for inspiration - to find things we like which have some meaning for us. That way we're free to go off the rails and choose other names, too, if we had other children.

So the upshot of this rambly post is that I say go for it!

We use family middle names, but only after dead people so with any luck no one is going to fall out with the original bearer of the name now...

DS is named after two of his great-grandpa's. The only problem is that I don't like either of the other great-grandpa names....fingers crossed for a girl next

How are you?

OP - it really depends what the row is about. Naming a child after a complete bastard that has hurt people close to you seems an odd way to start them out in life.

takethat - you're overthinking it. Just because you name one or two children after family members doesn't mean you have to do it with all of them. Really nobody will be counting up and getting cross if it's not "even".

Both my dds have family names as middle names - dd1 after my Granny, dd2 after MIL. I don't really see the point of middle names if they're not a way of honouring family.

DS has two middle names - one after my uncle, one after FIL. NEither knew we were going to do it, both assumed middle names would be after my dad as he died in 1993. But when DS was born 15 years later I had 3 other nephews with dad's names as their middle name, and thought that it was really time to move on. Both FIL and uncle really chuffed, 2 years later still are. IT gives them an extra bond. My neice's middle name is my first name - and i feel like that too.

If anybody in your family gets awkward about it then you could just say it is actually after DP's ggf, or just tell them that you didn't fall out with your gf so wanted to use it. And if it is a name of 4 people you know, then it is unlikely to be so unusual that it is really obviously for your gf anyway. But like skidoodly says it would depend on what caused the row...

For anyone worrying about what names to use, or not making it 'even', what about family surnames as another option? My DS has my mum's maiden name as his surname. It is a cool name, plus not only does it honour my mum but also lots of other family as well. So surnames are often a good idea if you are worried about upsetting some family members at the expense of others or don't like their given names.

Well, I'm very close to my aunt, who has 2-year-old twins. She let my GF and GM live with her for a year in 2009 due to their ailing health and money problems. My GF then won a lawsuit against a medical company which came to the tune of nearly a million American bucks

He didn't give my aunt any, called her selfish and said her kids were never going to amount to anything.

I haven't seen him since they had this row (I was in the UK at the time) and technically I haven't fallen out with him, but I feel it would be a slap in the face to my aunt to even consider it. Then again, there is the point of it being DP's ggf, and 2 other little boys that are very close to us.

Ds1 is named after both of dh's grandfathers (now dead), but it is a very classic and inoffensive name.

Ds2 is named after dh's father (also dead). It is a quite unusual name. Has caused ishoos with my family who took offence at us using a name from 'that side' of the family. Also means that every time ds2 does anything even slightly similar to his namesake then MIL goes OTT on the 'oh, he's so like his namesake' comments and bursts into tears.

Does your DP's ggf have another name -- middle or last name, for example?

Or you could call your aunt and say "Look, SP would really like to give this baby the mn Nebuchadnezzar after her ggf, but I'm aware that it's also GF's name. We wouldn't be naming DS after GF, obviously, but it would be the same name and I wanted to ask you how you'd feel about that." If she's consulted and knows why I don't think she'd feel slapped in the face.