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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

depressing? inappropriate?

25 replies

Drivermamsstorytrain · 22/07/2010 13:31

I lost my first son in february, my husband and I named him Rhys Llewelyn. I am now pregnant again and top of our list for a boy is Eian Shaun.
But the more I think on it the more I'm leaning to Llewelyn Shaun. Before I suggest this to my dh I wanted to check does it seem morbid somehow to take the name from my first son and bequeth it to another? Is it appropriate? What do you think?

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boodleboot · 22/07/2010 13:34

so so sorry for your loss.

it doesnt seem morbid to me....a lovely tribute to Rhys.

hope all goes well.
xxxxxxxxx

violetsmile · 22/07/2010 13:34

I am so sorry to hear about you r loss. I can't imagine how horrible that must have been for you all. No one can unless they've been through it. Therefore I think it's only you and your family who can make the decision about the name. I certainly don't think anyone will judge you for it or think of it as being morbid. It's a lovely name and you have every right to use it. It's only the same as usung deceased mother's/ grandparents names in my opinion.

cyteen · 22/07/2010 13:37

Sorry to hear of your loss.

Only you and your DH can decide whether it feels appropriate or not. I would only find it inappropriate to use the same first name as a first name, but that's just my personal feeling on what I'd do in that situation.

My son's middle name was my brother's first name (bro died before I even got pregnant). Some people might say that's a heavy legacy; I see it as a way of making a connection between two people I love.

All the best

solo · 22/07/2010 13:37

I am so sorry that you lost your little Rhys.

I personally think it would be a lovely, living and lasting tribute to your first son, but I wonder how a second son would feel about it as he grew older and began to understand the significance of his name. I guess it would take some careful handling depending on the boy himself...of course he may love it.

Original poster

Drivermamsstorytrain · 22/07/2010 13:38

Thanks for that. I suggested it to my mother, (who hates llewelyn anyway) and she seemed to think that it would be strange.

OP posts:

wisteria12 · 22/07/2010 13:38

I think that would be a really fitting thing to do in the circumstances, and Llewelyn is a lovely name by itself. I'm sorry for your loss.

StealthPolarBear · 22/07/2010 13:39

so sorry to hear about your son
No, i think this is a lovely idea. My friend has the middle name of her older sister who died before she was born.

BettyisNOTBlu · 22/07/2010 13:40

I don't know. Talk to your dh and see what he thinks? I'm not sure if it's too close to home for your son to carry that name, as his first name, knowing the weight of it? Obviously it will become his name, rather than your first son's, but, I don't know... It's for you and your husband to decide, and I don't think there is right/wrong.

duplotogo · 22/07/2010 13:41

So sorry for your loss.

I think this was quite a normal naming tradition in the days when children had lower life expectancy generally.

My DS "J3" is named after his great-grandfather "J2". "J2" was the little brother of "J1" who died before "J2" was born.

BettyisNOTBlu · 22/07/2010 13:43

solo put it so much better than me.

SpecialPatrolGroup · 22/07/2010 13:44

Llewelyn is a fabulous name (my first choice but DH is English so no go for my DS I'm afraid - cockneys can't get their tongues around Ll )

And you can shorten it to Llew which is very cool.

Also a lovely tribute to Rhys, not morbid at all, full of warmth and lovely memories.

I think it's definitely a win/win!

Pob lwc!

Original poster

Drivermamsstorytrain · 22/07/2010 13:46

Thank you for your sympathies, we're very positive and had great support at the time so whilst its not a nice thing we don't dwell on it. As Rhy was stillborn he didnt have the chance to 'grow' into the name. But we do have a framed picture of his footprints at birth with name and birthday and I hadn't even considered the implications of how it would affect my child later on.

OP posts:

Original poster

Drivermamsstorytrain · 22/07/2010 13:49

SPG- itss the shortening to llew thats making me reconsider. It seems a stronger name than Eian somehow, and i have heard eian shortened to Ei, which is rather terrible.

OP posts:

thumbwitch · 22/07/2010 13:49

So for you.

My MIL had your situation - her first DS was stillborn. She named him and he was buried of course - but I do find it slightly unnerving that she named her second son exactly the same name (first and middle).

You aren't suggesting doing that, and I think your idea is a lovely one - a tribute to your Rhys. So long as your DH is happy with it too - go for it.

SpecialPatrolGroup · 22/07/2010 13:56

Reconsider as in don't like or like?

Original poster

Drivermamsstorytrain · 22/07/2010 14:02

like. a lot. Llew works and it is, sorry to sound cheesy, cool. Ei doesn't work, in my mind at least. And I feel that if I choose Eian I'll be that woman shouting 'his name is Eian' to any friends, relatives and neighbours who see fit to try and shorten it.

OP posts:

SpecialPatrolGroup · 22/07/2010 14:03

Llewelyn is full of history and is a strong name by definition - Llewelyn Ein Llyw Olaf etc It's the name of a leader of men!

Then Llew = Lion

Great name! It makes me want to have another boy and hold my ground this time! DH will just have to learn to get it!

Go for Llewelyn! Love it!

SpecialPatrolGroup · 22/07/2010 14:05

I made the error of a name that doesn't shorten well - my ds is referred to as 'nose' a lot !

Mostly by myself

serendipity16 · 22/07/2010 16:47

Sorry for your loss.

This is just my opinion on this but i wouldn't use the name again.

I too have had a stillborn girl & my next child was a girl too. I wouldn't have considered using any part of her sisters name as i feel that i wouldn't want to look at my daughter, say her name & be thinking of my daughter who was stillborn.

In my mind they are 2 different children so i wanted them to have a different 1st & middle name.

I have however used family members names as middle names for all my kids, some still with us some not.... but that kinda feels different.... as losing my relatives wasn't as painful as losing my daughter.

However all said and done, its your child & i think you should do what you & your DH feel is best.

5DollarShake · 22/07/2010 17:41

I'm so sorry for your loss.

My gut instinct is that I would want my first-born son to have something unique to our family, and of his very own, so for that reason, would not replicate the name on a sibling. I would also be wary of putting that sort of remembrance on the sibling - it could feasibly be quite an emotional load to bare.

But that is just my opinion, and I can see the other side.

nancydrewrocked · 22/07/2010 17:53

So sorry for you loss. My DS2 was stillborn last year and I understand both the pain and the wish to remember them with something tangiable (something which is particularly accute when you have lost a child who has not had the chance to live)

My personal feeling in that it would be better not to use the name. Having done a lot of reading since I lost my DS a theme that is common is that of the new child feeling like a replacement - aparently no matter what the truth they often believe that they would not have existed but for the death of their sibbling, the loss of whom will have been a powerful factor in their upbringing. I think sharing a name would be a huge emotional burden.

Also, might you feel, as time progresses, regret that you have taken something unique from your first born?

That of course is just my persoinal opinion and you must do whatever you feel is appropriate.

Caro1302 · 22/07/2010 22:18

MIL's firstborn sadly died at 2 weeks old. DH was born 5 or 6 years later and was given exactly the same name. MIL said she liked the name so much she needed to use it.

I think using the middle name is a lovely idea.

OgreRebel · 22/07/2010 22:25

If it feels right to you, then it's right.

It happened a lot in my family. I've been looking at my family tree and as a previous poster said, with low life expectancy years ago, it was an acceptable thing to do.

My DH's Grandma was named after her older sister who died before she was born. She was saying only recently that it's like carrying her sister and her memory with her.

I am so sorry that it's a decision you have to make in the first place.

valiumSingleton · 23/07/2010 08:59

My close friend did this. She lost a baby at 39 wks and called her *Elizabeth Mary. Then when she had another daughter a few years later she called her Marianne Elizabeth.

It was quite deliberate. I thought it was a lovely idea. Her 2nd daughter still has a different first name to her older sister so it won't be odd for her either I don't think.

not exact names of course

GirlWithTheMouseyHair · 23/07/2010 11:20

So so sorry for your loss...I'm on the side of thinking it's a fitting tribute, especially if you love the name, but you know your husband best.

We have used names of family members who were close to us and died before we had children as DC middle names

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