You are not "woe is me." You are experiencing some difficult to cope with and scary symptoms. Believe me, I have had many a despairing moment. But there are good times, too.
As far as work, I also had a professional and challenging job. I am now semi-retired. I have been fortunate to have work where there are always washrooms available, and where I can usually drop everything when nature calls. My employers have also been understanding, mostly. I have found that educating at least one person with a key HR role to be worth it. Some people will say don't tell them, but my experience is that it actually helps them to understand and to be accommodating.
Once in awhile I have had to explain very clearly that if I request a break it is because I really need it. I have worked in an area where I represent clients at mediation/arbitration hearings and once I had to take the arbitrator out in the hall to explain as he kept saying we could go for another 1/2 hour then break. He was understanding after I explained.
When in a flare I get very tired. I also have some pain. I have definitely missed more work than someone without colitis, but have been able overall to work and progress. I have been able to work at home quite a lot when flared. I have avoided long commutes as they simply add anxiety. Many of us with colitis find mornings the worst, with the "I can't wait" subsiding a bit in the afternoon.
No question really though that I would not make, for example, a reliable surgeon!
I live in Canada. I do know the UK has a good Crohn's and colitis society where you can get help and resources.
At this point, you really need to be kind to yourself, get the cause of your symptoms diagnosed, and then go from there. One last thing -- don't automatically assume this is your fault for eating badly or doing something else.
People are often quick to "blame the victim." I have been told thousands of time to try eating this, that or the other. A very kind person suggested when I retired that perhaps I could take better care of myself now. She meant well but it stung. If eating sawdust would cure IBD I would do it!
When in remission I eat most things. In a flare I have to eat quite a bland, low residue diet. Eggs etc.
Hope this all helps. You are not alone although I know it feels that way sometimes.
Hang in there!