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Aussie and NZ Mumsnetters

Welcome to Aussie & NZ Mumsnetters - discuss all aspects of parenting life in Australia and New Zealand, including relocating, schools and local areas.

At a loss

2 replies

Nzmumnz · 26/08/2025 20:26

My son has told me he and his girlfriend of a year are moving to Australia then on to her home country of Ireland. I’m not coping well at all. We are extremely close and I never expected to be facing this. He is selling his home, rehoming pets, leaving a good job, she has given him 6 months to finish his studies and be ready to go. I’m devastated she has said she hates it here, there will be no coming back.I got well with her, when they met I asked if nz was now her home, she said Yes. I now know it was never her plan to stay here. I feel anger toward her.. why get into a relationship with someone half a world away? He is a people pleaser in relationships and she is calling the shots. He knows I’m upset but I try to hide it from him. I feel like I’m grieving, the loss of my only son (I have a daughter also) the loss of future grandchildren. I feel like this feeling of heartbreak will never leave me.

OP posts:
CortadoPlease · 27/08/2025 10:39

Your DS was me 30 years ago (I moved to the other side of the world). I would be very sad if my DC did the same … but, my parents never made me feel guilty and I love them for it. I once asked DM how it was for her, and she said she loved watching her DC grow up, follow their hearts’ desires, and be happy. It’s ok to let him know you’ll miss him, but your anger at her is unfair - they need to live their lives.

SkaneTos · 08/09/2025 21:37

Good advice from @CortadoPlease .

@Nzmumnz
I understand that now it feels like you are losing your son and your daughter-in-law. But you are not losing them. They are moving to another country. It's far away from where you live, but it's where they want to live. Try to be supportive.
So many ways to keep in touch nowadays, and perhaps you can visit them at some point? And I'm sure your son will want to visit his home country in the future. And if they have children in the future, he will want to show his country to them.

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