Unsettled since Aus holiday

[SophW89]

Hi all

Not sure if this is the right place for my message, but it heavily revolves around Aus so thought it fit.

I'll try and cut a long story short. I went to Aus for 2 weeks 2 years ago and, ever since coming back, I just can't settle.

For some context, we have a lovely life in the UK. My mum lives round the corner and we are so, so close. I've never thought about leaving where I live because I've always been so content here, knowing that I can travel but always come home.

Now, I just feel like I've become obsessed with the idea of moving to Aus (I have a job on the skilled occ. list). At 35, I regret not going to live somewhere abroad like my husband did in my 20s.

Running alongside this is that we are trying to decide if we want children (or a child, as likely just to be one!)

I'm conflicted between thinking f*ck it, let's do it, versus needing to make the baby decision. And, honestly, could I really see myself on the other side of the world without family support and a very small baby? I don't know whether I'm just using Aus as a distraction to avoid making a decision that feels so overwhelming.

I don't really know what I'm looking for here :( just feel in such a state of flux and pulled between two sides of my brain.

Would be really keen to hear views from those who have made the move, haven't, or have and then moved back!

Sorry for the outpouring here. I totally appreciate a holiday is nothing like living somewhere, but at the moment I'm getting sucked in to all the social media expat accounts - I should be old enough to know better!

I travel to the UK as have family there and I’m always mystified why people insist Australia is so much more expensive

Depends on what you're looking at specifically I suppose - but I have an Uncle in Perth and we've talked about food prices several times. The cost of things like fruit and veg is eye watering compared to the UK!

@SophW89
Lots of good and very differing advice here to you!
I hope you will find the right path for you.

Can you go for another holiday in Australia? A longer one? Travel to the specific places where you are thinking of perhaps moving to?

Thank you 😊 yes, we definitely could! I do keep telling myself that Aus will always be there (but family won't). I think the fact that my visit was my honeymoon so I am probably romanticising some of it x

Australia is hideously expensive. Housing ridiculously high, shopping/eating out/cars $$$$
Climate hot and getting hotter and wetter. UV off the scale so setious skin damage everywhere. In summer, in Perth you can't go outside and do what you want for a large part of the day unless in aircon. Raging bushfires. Uninsurable houses.

Beautiful, relaxing, crystal clear waters. Great food. Great to visit but definitely, in my opinion not to live in.

Lived in both UK and Australia (twice).

Have awesome holidays but stay close to your mum if you're close knit. You can't hug an ipad.

Laughed at a guy I met in South Africa from Zimbabwe who said "Now why would I move to a country where all the animals want to eat me?" 😅

Seriously though, OP, your mum lives nearby and it will be hard to be on the other side of the world as she gets older.

Secondly, if you split up you may not be able to move back to UK with your kids.

Are you running away thinking the grass is greener? Do some soul searching and if it stays with you go for it.

Climate hot and getting hotter and wetter. UV off the scale so setious skin damage everywhere. In summer, in Perth you can't go outside and do what you want for a large part of the day unless in aircon. Raging bushfires. Uninsurable houses.

This is also very real.

Read The Guardian's articles about Australia. Will give you a real life perspective ...

I have lots of family and friends still in the UK, but only really miss my mum, although she has visited us.

I read a few people saying in Perth that you can’t go out in summer? I live here and you absolutely can. If it’s a 40 degree day (and I think we average about 5 of them a year) well obviously you aren’t going to go out jogging. When it’s that hot yes we tend to stick close to aircon or pool. But I will happily trade that with the UKs grey and dreary weather as for 9 months of the year the weather is sunny and beautiful, and even winter is usually 18 degrees or so (albeit with a lot of rain). But yeah, don’t come to Perth if you hate sunshine and hot weather. It’s 37 here today, I plan to spend the day between my pool and the aircon and will enjoy it very much. Also 37 in Perth here feels a lot cooler than UK 37 anyway because of the low humidity here, which I know sounds like nonsense but it’s true!

I did it at 34! Best decision I ever made. Never coming back to uk

Definitely do it!

I moved country a few months ago at the age of 35.

Best decision ever. 😊

Spent 25 years in Perth. Yes it's beautiful. Beaches are so gorgeous and a drive along the Swan or West Coast HWY on a stunning day is unbeatable.

As mentioned, if you want to go out on 40 and 40+ days you'll need aircon, a lot of sunceam, hat, long sleeves etc. People don't do this I know but its dangerous to not.

It is a risk to go out in Perth summer sun for large parts of the day due to risk of burning (which leads to serious skin damage) or heat stroke etc. Yes you can go out in aircon sure, but that's not outdoors.

That's not the way I want to spend the next 25 years. Prefer low UV, mild heat and being able to go out all day (just dress up warm).

Its a personal preference and each option is right if it's right for you I know, but after 25 years it's getting hotter and hotter and the sun is getting more damaging. Over 90% of WA is at top fire risk the whole year. It didn't used to be like this so for me, I moved.

I think you need to go for a longer period and get a more realistic feel for what living there is like as opposed to a 2 week romantic honeymoon. Who hasn’t been on an idyllic holiday and fantasised about chucking it all in and moving there permanently?

One thing that people don’t take account of is that even though we broadly speak the same language, it is a different culture and it can be difficult to fit in.

Do you really want to live somewhere where the Climate Crisis will make life unbearable soon? Air conditioned living is unsustainable.

You don't really have time to dither on the DC thing and that decision doesn't go away whether you move to Australia or not. Also, I think it's worth acknowledging that NOT making a decision IS a decision. You're potentially closing that door with every year you put it off. Yes, at 35 you should still be perfectly able to have a DC, but that window of opportunity is getting narrower each year. Personally, I'd make the decision about having a DC or not first, then decide about moving OS.

Why is air con unsustainable? Mine is powered by my solar panels, I would have thought that’s pretty sustainable? One thing we are not short of here is sunshine.

@SophW89
"Yes, for sure, looks like the Home and Away dream has long passed! Are you close to family? "

Yes we are close to family in the U.K. Yes will be a blow but I know they will visit but I'm realistic as been through it before but leaving this utterly broken country is a must for us. However, I'm realistic re the challenges

thank you 😘

Wishing you luck when the move happens! Sounds right for you and your family :)

No, I totally get that and in some ways it's easier to wrap up in bad weather than cope with searing heat. Are you back (in the UK?) now?x

Awh thank you for those kind words! Maybe a bit of the grass is greener, but definitely more of why didn't I make more of my 20s and now it's too late for an adventure (in my mind at least)

Yep, you're right with everything there! I think the pressure comes from my age. I know women are having kids later in life but it doesn't come with an increased risk at a certain point (from what I've read on reputable sites)

UK heat is fresh hell 😆so yes, it does make sense!

Yeah, I think it's because Aus had a familiarity to it (maybe because of the language). I've read a lot of people say it's not just UK with sunshine so I can definitely believe that.

You've only spent two weeks there. I would go on a longer holiday, spend a bit of time in an area where you might be keen to live and really see if it's practical.
I was very keen on moving to Oz in my late 20s, spent quite a bit of time there on several holidays and on a working holiday visa for a year. It ultimately didn't work out and I still live in the UK. That's absolutely the right thing for me but Australia is a fantastic country and you won't regret spending time there whether it's a couple of years or the rest of your life.

You are right that the heat is a serious consideration!

Are you seriously torn between moving to Aus or having a baby? Do it for those of us who can't!! Move to Aus I mean.