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Aussie and NZ Mumsnetters

Welcome to Aussie & NZ Mumsnetters - discuss all aspects of parenting life in Australia and New Zealand, including relocating, schools and local areas.

Original poster

Unsettled since Aus holiday

53 replies

SophW89 · 03/03/2025 22:47

Hi all

Not sure if this is the right place for my message, but it heavily revolves around Aus so thought it fit.

I'll try and cut a long story short. I went to Aus for 2 weeks 2 years ago and, ever since coming back, I just can't settle.

For some context, we have a lovely life in the UK. My mum lives round the corner and we are so, so close. I've never thought about leaving where I live because I've always been so content here, knowing that I can travel but always come home.

Now, I just feel like I've become obsessed with the idea of moving to Aus (I have a job on the skilled occ. list). At 35, I regret not going to live somewhere abroad like my husband did in my 20s.

Running alongside this is that we are trying to decide if we want children (or a child, as likely just to be one!)

I'm conflicted between thinking f*ck it, let's do it, versus needing to make the baby decision. And, honestly, could I really see myself on the other side of the world without family support and a very small baby? I don't know whether I'm just using Aus as a distraction to avoid making a decision that feels so overwhelming.

I don't really know what I'm looking for here :( just feel in such a state of flux and pulled between two sides of my brain.

Would be really keen to hear views from those who have made the move, haven't, or have and then moved back!

Sorry for the outpouring here. I totally appreciate a holiday is nothing like living somewhere, but at the moment I'm getting sucked in to all the social media expat accounts - I should be old enough to know better!

OP posts:
MyCatNamedCookingFat · 04/03/2025 02:48

I would start doing some research about the practicalities. Its always far more expensive than people realise.

There was that tv programme about moving to Australia. They even got relatives to do goodbye videos. Lots of tears.

It might focus your mind from the wondering.

Talulah29 · 04/03/2025 02:56

I’m in the f*ck it life’s too short camp. We made the move to Australia from England two years ago (mid 30’s, young child) and it has been an amazing experience. Yes there are really hard parts to it - missing family and friends, missing big things such as weddings/ babies being born/ funerals, having to start from scratch to make friends and connections amongst other things but on the flip side it has been the most incredible experience, we have made amazing friends, been able to visit new places and we have an amazing lifestyle.
From our experience some things can be more expensive but there are many things that cost less or roughly the same. We do so much as a family for free.
We have no regrets about making the move, will it be forever who knows but life can be so short and fragile so why not experience it and try something else if you have the opportunity. You can always go home, as so many people do.
You would need to look into the logistics of it - I can see you have a job on the skilled occupation list so maybe it would be a good idea to have a chat with a migration agent to determine which visas you could apply for/ what you would need to do.

Original poster
SophW89 · 04/03/2025 06:34

MyCatNamedCookingFat · 04/03/2025 02:48

I would start doing some research about the practicalities. Its always far more expensive than people realise.

There was that tv programme about moving to Australia. They even got relatives to do goodbye videos. Lots of tears.

It might focus your mind from the wondering.

Thank you. I did look at rentals costs in Perth (just as a guide) and it looks like they're double our mortgage. I don't want to sell our house so that would mean renting out. From what I've read, the days of moving and getting a four bed house by the beach are long gone. Thanks for your reply xx

OP posts:
Original poster
SophW89 · 04/03/2025 06:36

Talulah29 · 04/03/2025 02:56

I’m in the f*ck it life’s too short camp. We made the move to Australia from England two years ago (mid 30’s, young child) and it has been an amazing experience. Yes there are really hard parts to it - missing family and friends, missing big things such as weddings/ babies being born/ funerals, having to start from scratch to make friends and connections amongst other things but on the flip side it has been the most incredible experience, we have made amazing friends, been able to visit new places and we have an amazing lifestyle.
From our experience some things can be more expensive but there are many things that cost less or roughly the same. We do so much as a family for free.
We have no regrets about making the move, will it be forever who knows but life can be so short and fragile so why not experience it and try something else if you have the opportunity. You can always go home, as so many people do.
You would need to look into the logistics of it - I can see you have a job on the skilled occupation list so maybe it would be a good idea to have a chat with a migration agent to determine which visas you could apply for/ what you would need to do.

Edited

Thanks for your reply on offering a different perspective on things! Had you been to Aus before? Did you sell up in the UK? xx

OP posts:
Theextraordinaryisintheordinary · 04/03/2025 06:36

It’s a great place to live. Do it! Nice outdoor life for the kids.

Sunflowergirl1 · 04/03/2025 06:41

I would look into it but go with your eyes open as it isn't the cheap easy ride of years ago. However, there are many many positives as well and you have to view this as a life changing move but also lovely to bring kids up there.

You can of course move after kids but yes easier before.

We did it and loved it but ended up returning to the UK, more due to DH job etc but we are prob moving back. We had decided to and then another career option in the USA emerged but I think we are heading back to Aus or NZ. Working on it now and I can't wait. The U.K. is utterly broken so can't wait to depart

HarryVanderspeigle · 04/03/2025 08:23

Does your husband want or agree to going? Will you both reasonably be able to get work there? How old is he, asking because the skilled visas are limited to under 45. Can you cope with the isolation of being in a country that is far away from everywhere else? If you have a child and one of you wants to come home, the courts would side with the child staying in Australia.

Perth was lovely when I went, I can see it being a great place to live and raise a family.

Talulah29 · 04/03/2025 09:00

We had visited NSW, Queensland and the Great Barrier Reef and completely fell in love with Australia itself and the lifestyle. We had never been to SA which is where we are. It took us a good few years to actually decide to look into it properly and see if we could get a visa and then it happened quickly.
We did sell up in the UK, we know people who have done both and for a while wondered if we should have kept it to rent out but actually it was easier and for the best. It also meant there were some funds available for the initial set up which can be a fair outlay all at once such as buying cars, paying the rent deposit etc. Which part of Australia do you think you would look to move to? Xx

Original poster
SophW89 · 05/03/2025 06:41

Hello. Thank you. Yes, it's mega expensive so that is a huge stumbling block already. Not sure I'd want to sell our house either.

OP posts:
Original poster
SophW89 · 05/03/2025 06:42

Sunflowergirl1 · 04/03/2025 06:41

I would look into it but go with your eyes open as it isn't the cheap easy ride of years ago. However, there are many many positives as well and you have to view this as a life changing move but also lovely to bring kids up there.

You can of course move after kids but yes easier before.

We did it and loved it but ended up returning to the UK, more due to DH job etc but we are prob moving back. We had decided to and then another career option in the USA emerged but I think we are heading back to Aus or NZ. Working on it now and I can't wait. The U.K. is utterly broken so can't wait to depart

Yes, for sure, looks like the Home and Away dream has long passed! Are you close to family? x

OP posts:
Original poster
SophW89 · 05/03/2025 06:46

Talulah29 · 04/03/2025 09:00

We had visited NSW, Queensland and the Great Barrier Reef and completely fell in love with Australia itself and the lifestyle. We had never been to SA which is where we are. It took us a good few years to actually decide to look into it properly and see if we could get a visa and then it happened quickly.
We did sell up in the UK, we know people who have done both and for a while wondered if we should have kept it to rent out but actually it was easier and for the best. It also meant there were some funds available for the initial set up which can be a fair outlay all at once such as buying cars, paying the rent deposit etc. Which part of Australia do you think you would look to move to? Xx

Sounds similar to us! Do you like SA? Yeah, part of me really doesn't want to sell our house, but I don't see how we can afford it otherwise.

I honestly don't know. Couldn't afford living near the CBDs in Melbourne or Sydney. Not been to WA but obviously a lot of Brits live there.

xx

OP posts:
minnienono · 05/03/2025 06:48

Holidays are lovely, but they are not real life.

Be practical ... how easy to get visas, what is the pay for your occupation, how much to rent/buy accommodation and can you afford a decent location, what are the terms and conditions/working hours there, what other costs do you have to pay????

That's all before the logistics of actually moving and leaving family & friends

I'd also like to point out that the grass isn't always greener otherwise why would so many Australians move here!

Original poster
SophW89 · 05/03/2025 06:48

HarryVanderspeigle · 04/03/2025 08:23

Does your husband want or agree to going? Will you both reasonably be able to get work there? How old is he, asking because the skilled visas are limited to under 45. Can you cope with the isolation of being in a country that is far away from everywhere else? If you have a child and one of you wants to come home, the courts would side with the child staying in Australia.

Perth was lovely when I went, I can see it being a great place to live and raise a family.

Hi! My husband would move tomorrow - and to most places! He hasn't got the same family ties as me, plus he did a year in Aus many years ago.

We are 35 and 37 so under the cut off point. Yeah, I've read about the Hauge Convention and seen a few stories of people getting trapped in Aus because of it :(

Re isolation...well, that's a good q. This year we've been to Europe, Edinburgh, and France later in the year. It's all been relatively cheap to do. I can imagine it's a case of not knowing what you have til it's gone!

OP posts:
Passwordsaremynemesis · 05/03/2025 06:51

SophW89 · 04/03/2025 06:34

Thank you. I did look at rentals costs in Perth (just as a guide) and it looks like they're double our mortgage. I don't want to sell our house so that would mean renting out. From what I've read, the days of moving and getting a four bed house by the beach are long gone. Thanks for your reply xx

Show quote history

I bought the five bedroomed house with pool by the beach five years ago. Since then it has doubled in price. So it’s not as easy as it was. But there is still some value to be had if you are flexible (which is why we chose west coast not east), and in my opinion I have no regrets at all, quality of life here is amazing and wages are high. I wouldn’t go back for a million quid. It’s not all easy though, and it doesn’t suit everyone, but for me it was the best thing I ever did, and I wish I’d moved earlier.

Candleabra · 05/03/2025 06:53

What is it you’re yearning for? Is it Australia specifically or a different kind of life? It seems like time wasted on yearning for something so impractical (especially if you say you’d never want to leave your mum). What changes could you make here that would make you happier?

FiveBarGate · 05/03/2025 07:17

I would be very wary of moving to Aus if you want a baby. Great place to bring up kids but a nightmare if you and your husband split. No one thinks they will of course but I have known a few people effectively stuck there because they can't take the kids away from dad (understandably but doesn't make it easy).

Can you take any extended time off from work? Have a longer holiday there?

Fabulous country but don't underestimate how isolating it feels when say your mum is rushed to hospital and you can do nothing.

Really I feel this is probably tied up to your hormones and I'd caution against making any decisions about moving to the other side of the world until you decide about whether you want kids.

Hoistupthemainsail · 05/03/2025 07:21

Don't do it. Stay where you have support and family and friends. The grass isn't always greenwr and you'll forever pine for one county or another.

Lostsadandconfused · 05/03/2025 07:26

Do it. One of the big regrets of my life is that I never lived and worked overseas.

I travel to the UK as have family there and I’m always mystified why people insist Australia is so much more expensive.

Why Perth though?

Loopytiles · 05/03/2025 07:29

I’d never risk being somewhere with DC where I didn’t have legal right to return to UK with the DC

Original poster
SophW89 · 05/03/2025 07:57

Passwordsaremynemesis · 05/03/2025 06:51

I bought the five bedroomed house with pool by the beach five years ago. Since then it has doubled in price. So it’s not as easy as it was. But there is still some value to be had if you are flexible (which is why we chose west coast not east), and in my opinion I have no regrets at all, quality of life here is amazing and wages are high. I wouldn’t go back for a million quid. It’s not all easy though, and it doesn’t suit everyone, but for me it was the best thing I ever did, and I wish I’d moved earlier.

Show quote history

Thank you. Glad to hear you love it! Have you close family in the UK? X

OP posts:
Original poster
SophW89 · 05/03/2025 08:00

Candleabra · 05/03/2025 06:53

What is it you’re yearning for? Is it Australia specifically or a different kind of life? It seems like time wasted on yearning for something so impractical (especially if you say you’d never want to leave your mum). What changes could you make here that would make you happier?

This is very perceptive! I just keep thinking I wish I had done more in my 20s when I had fewer ties. I think it's an escape mechanism to avoid deciding on the child decision!

OP posts:
Original poster
SophW89 · 05/03/2025 08:01

Lostsadandconfused · 05/03/2025 07:26

Do it. One of the big regrets of my life is that I never lived and worked overseas.

I travel to the UK as have family there and I’m always mystified why people insist Australia is so much more expensive.

Why Perth though?

Not wedded to Perth at all to be honest! Or anywhere for that matter xx

OP posts:
Original poster
SophW89 · 05/03/2025 08:02

Hoistupthemainsail · 05/03/2025 07:21

Don't do it. Stay where you have support and family and friends. The grass isn't always greenwr and you'll forever pine for one county or another.

Thank you. Can I ask if you're speaking from experience, if you're happy to share? X

OP posts:
Original poster
SophW89 · 05/03/2025 08:04

FiveBarGate · 05/03/2025 07:17

I would be very wary of moving to Aus if you want a baby. Great place to bring up kids but a nightmare if you and your husband split. No one thinks they will of course but I have known a few people effectively stuck there because they can't take the kids away from dad (understandably but doesn't make it easy).

Can you take any extended time off from work? Have a longer holiday there?

Fabulous country but don't underestimate how isolating it feels when say your mum is rushed to hospital and you can do nothing.

Really I feel this is probably tied up to your hormones and I'd caution against making any decisions about moving to the other side of the world until you decide about whether you want kids.

Thanks so much for this. Yes, I often think a longer holiday would help! Less drastic than moving.

Sadly I've seen stories of people getting stuck and it's awful.

Your last paragraph resonates so much with me 🥲 xxx

OP posts:
Original poster
SophW89 · 05/03/2025 08:07

minnienono · 05/03/2025 06:48

Holidays are lovely, but they are not real life.

Be practical ... how easy to get visas, what is the pay for your occupation, how much to rent/buy accommodation and can you afford a decent location, what are the terms and conditions/working hours there, what other costs do you have to pay????

That's all before the logistics of actually moving and leaving family & friends

I'd also like to point out that the grass isn't always greener otherwise why would so many Australians move here!

All of this! We would have to sell our house and not sure if I am willing to do that. Maybe that says a lot!

I agree - nowhere is utopia and I think moving somewhere under that pretense is a recipe for disaster xx

OP posts: