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Arts and crafts

Discover knitting, crochet, scrapbooking and art and craft ideas on this forum.

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Original poster

I don't want to teach someone my craft

26 replies

notafruit · 08/07/2022 12:28

It's an AIBU/Help me post.
I've been going to a craft and natter for a year or so. It's not a big group. We all turn up, do our thing, and chat. Occasionally someone will want to try something new or a new technique and ask for a bit of help. I don't mind too much, as most people have an idea.
A lady turned up at my group last night. She doesn't craft anything but wants to learn crochet (my thing). She plonked herself down and asked me to supply her with a hook and yarn. I didn't have any other that what I was using, but someone found some in the club stash. I'm suddenly her teacher. Thing is, and I know this makes me sound awful...I don't want to. I don't have the sort of patience you need to teach an absolute beginner. Even a slip knot was beyond her. I tried to tell her to take the yarn/hook and sit in front of youtube at home, gave her some links to good videos, etc.

Eventually someone else stepped in to try and help, but they didn't get very far either and went and sat somewhere else!
So AIBU to not want to teach someone? I know people want to learn, that's fine but I don't want to be the person to teach someone from scratch. I'm fine helping someone with a basic understanding, but not someone with no knowledge at all. How do I say I can't help you without sounding like a complete cow?

OP posts:

Belovedfool · 09/07/2022 08:53

No, you're not being unreasonable. You're there to work on your own project, not teach.

However....

If you can bear the idea of teaching, tell her you charge £x per hour per person, let's meet in that cafe over there next week for 2 hours. Be on time, I won't wait, etc etc. Either she'll pay you, or she'll disappear.

MrsRobinsonsHandprints · 09/07/2022 08:59

She doesn't feel bad expecting you to teach her for nothing. So don't feel bad saying you can't teach.

forrestgreen · 09/07/2022 09:21

'I'm sorry, I'm a dreadful teacher I've never been able to get anyone to do it'

And just smile

Original poster

notafruit · 09/07/2022 11:50

@Belovedfool No, I just can't do it. If someone can already crochet and says how did you do that stitch, I can show them and they get it, but an absolute beginner....no, I have no patience to keep going over stuff. No matter how much they paid me!

Thanks @MrsRobinsonsHandprints I don't feel quite so bad. I did honestly feel awful about it.

@forrestgreen I'll probably use that line! Thank you!

Hopefully the lady has taken my advice and sat in front of youtube and learned a few basics.

I did have a message from someone else at the group last night. I missed the conversation where she asked if anyone knew a teacher for a particular musical instrument. Then asked someone else to find her a teacher for that instrument...so maybe she's also a bit of a CF. I'll see what next Thursday brings.

OP posts:

Sexnotgender · 09/07/2022 11:53

You are not being at all unreasonable. She’s a cheeky bugger.

Thepossibility · 09/07/2022 11:55

She was being a CF expecting to show up and get a free lesson! From an absolute stranger no less. Probably endless free lessons until she had got the hang of it. Outrageous!

Hillrunning · 09/07/2022 12:00

It sounds as though she has misunderstood the purpose of the group. Who runs it? Has it been advertised as 'beginners welcome'? Does she have any connections already at the group?

I wouldn't write her off as a cheeky fucker so soon. Some people act oddly when nervous, try to be overly familiar etc. Jsut use the, 'sorry I am just a terrible teacher' line and ask how she got on with the YouTube videos.

Fairislefandango · 09/07/2022 12:02

YANBU. I'm a knitter and a crocheter (and now a beginner spinner). I probably wouldn't mind teaching someone in that situation, but that's probably because I'm also a teacher (not of crafts)! I can totally understand why you wouldn't want to - not everyone enjoys teaching or finds it easy, and this is supposed to be your time to enjoy your hobby!

takeitandleaveit · 09/07/2022 12:21

I'm in a similar situation in that I go to a group that meets monthly. There are always newbie people who come over and stop me doing what I'm doing to ask my help. It's all very well, and I do give some advice, but sometimes you just want to get on with your own stuff, don't you?

Mascia · 09/07/2022 12:39

You’re not being unreasonable at all 🙂

SwelegantParty · 09/07/2022 12:46

I'm totally with you, I'm very good at knitting (and okay at crochet) but absolutely hopeless at teaching others. If they don't get it when I've told them once I have no idea how to get it through to them.

Theredfoxfliesatmidnight · 09/07/2022 13:17

I do totally understand why you wouldn't want to teach a totally hapless beginner! I wouldn't want to either. However as a PP said has she misunderstood the purpose of the group, or has it been wrongly advertised? Eg if it's been advertised as a friendly craft club, with beginners welcome, she might just have come to make friends, and be trying to show an interest and engage with you all.

Blossomandbee · 09/07/2022 13:41

You're not unreasonable at all, but I agree with other posts that maybe she's misunderstood the group? A lot I see advertise as beginners welcome which gives the impression that they can be helped or taught the basics. In fact I was once that clueless beginner who went along to one advertised as such and it was just as you describe your group to be.

whatisheupto · 09/07/2022 13:52

Just smile and say 'oh no I have no idea how to teach someone, I couldn't possibly do that. I'd be useless! Etc etc and then if she insists, just be really really bad at it, whizz through it. Then shrug, 'see I just don't know how to explain it'.

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 09/07/2022 13:56

I haven't had anyone ask me to teach them anything but I have occasionally had people ask me to crochet something for them when they see me wearing my shawls, or make a quilt. I generally say that I don't want to make for other people but it's pretty straightforward to learn online and if they want I can give them a few links to YouTube videos and easy but pretty patterns. I also know of places that offered (paid for) classes. They generally say "Oh I don't have time for that" and I say "mm-hmm".

Like you I'm always happy to give five or ten minutes of my time every so often just to help someone past something that's stumping them. And I have made requests occasionally. I made a quilt for my friend and it was actually a great experience that pushed me out of my comfort zone, but I really like my friend and she is very artistic so the collaboration was fun and she was perfectly happy to pay for all the materials and wait ages for me to finish it. I wouldn't do it for just anyone.

I think saying "I don't want to" or "I don't like to" is the easiest way to put off the cheeky fuckers because they rely on being able to override weak excuses, but they can't insist that you do want to if you say that you don't. If they call you mean or selfish then you can say that you go to the group to relax and get some of your craft done, if you have to 'work for free' then it won't be relaxing and there is no point in turning up. Either way she doesn't get to monopolise your time.

Belovedfool · 09/07/2022 14:05

notafruit · 09/07/2022 11:50

Thanks @MrsRobinsonsHandprints I don't feel quite so bad. I did honestly feel awful about it.

@forrestgreen I'll probably use that line! Thank you!

Hopefully the lady has taken my advice and sat in front of youtube and learned a few basics.

Perfectly understandable, then. I thought you were very generous to try, when it's your hobby time. A simple "No. I come here to relax and work on my own projects" is enough. If it's not, she's a total CF.

hennybeans · 09/07/2022 14:16

I go to a weekly craft group and we occasionally get people like this who come along with nothing. I think it's quite rude to just show up empty handed and expect someone else's time and supplies for free without even attempting it on your own first. Crochet lessons at a shop are expensive, why should you give away your time for free?

I always use the excuse that I'm left handed so can't really teach right handers crochet. This only works when they are right handed! And I have been caught out that way!

The regulars of the group don't mind at all showing other regulars a certain technique or giving advice, but we are friends so there's no taking advantage of other's time.

Fe345fleur · 09/07/2022 14:25

YANBU. There's a difference between, say, helping someone out occasionally with a difficult technique and teaching them a craft entirely from scratch.

perimenofertility · 09/07/2022 14:27

I don't think it's cheeky or rude of her to ask. Surely that's just how life works? You want to know something, you ask someone who knows about it. Not everything has to be done in exchange for money.
However also perfectly reasonable for you to say no if you only want to craft and natter. Just say politely you are not a very good teacher, she would be better off picking up the basics from an online tutorial/joining a beginners class/etc, and wish her luck.

godmum56 · 09/07/2022 14:31

yanbu but to be fair, she may have misunderstood the purpose of the group....just say sorry no I don't teach.

PosiePerkinPootleFlump · 09/07/2022 14:31

There are lots of very good beginner crochet videos online. They are actually easier than a person in front of you showing you as the camera is zoomed in on their hands, you can rewind and watch a bit again etc. I agree with a previous poster who said to say you're not a good teacher, and she would find videos easier

takeitandleaveit · 09/07/2022 14:54

Something that I've noticed about complete beginners is that they assume that all they need is to have someone show them how to do it, copy them, and that's that. And if they can't immediately pick it up, then it is somehow your fault for not having shown them properly.

They don't seem to realise that it takes a long time, a lot of effort, and considerable practice to become even reasonably proficient.

I do a different hobby, one in which you also have to develop artistry as well as technical skill (a bit like flower arranging, but not that). Either people have an artistic eye or they don't. You can't teach that - well I certainly can't!

Original poster

notafruit · 09/07/2022 19:23

Ok, I'm feeling a lot better about not teaching her now.

To answer a couple of questions it's just advertised as a craft & natter. Bring something along, have a brew and a chat. Brightly coloured posters stating just that. No lessons being advertised.
There have been a few absolute beginners before, but generally they bring along the thing they want to learn, and have had a bit of a go before turning up. There are a couple of people who don't craft at all. They just turn up for the chat.

She doesn't know anyone from the group. Doesn't appear shy. She came across as confident, and given the work she said she does outside of the group, she's used to talking to people in groups, and strangers.

I did try directing her to videos. She joined our facebook page for the group so I could show her where I'd put a load of "learn to crochet" videos on there a while ago for a group member who fancied a change from knitting.

I have a friend who has been very ill for the last couple of years, but is starting to think she may be well enough able to go out socially again. She can crochet, and has infinite patience, so I'm trying to convince her to come along. 😁

OP posts:

KnittingNeedles · 13/07/2022 21:48

YANBU. I'm still recovering for trying to teach a group of 10 year olds to make english paper-pieced patchwork christmas decorations and that was pre-pandemic. /

AdelaideRo · 21/07/2022 22:03

You are absolutely not in the wrong. Teaching beginners (especially ones who don't have the wit to look at youtube) is very frustrating.

Sharing a skill / pointer with someone who can already do some stuff is much much easier.

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