Thanks everyone very much for sharing stories and advice. We went to the lovely old fashioned sewing machine shop today (been there for 40 years and they repair on site so I got great advice). We demo'd all except the Husqvarna, they had a different model but I wasn't that keen on spec or the look. Verdicts on those we did actually see in action below:
Bernina 215 £499: I had my heart so set on this model, but....I really didn't like the Bernina. It wasn't intuitive at all, and was difficult and fiddly to both thread the needle and insert the bobbin at the side, no speed control other than the pedal and the computerised key pad was relatively difficult to understand. This entry model was an ugly looking beast with rubberised keys (urrgh) and nasty cheap looking handle, also quite noisy. Although in it's defence I have to say the stitch quality was superb. I thought it was much too difficult for us relative beginners so we ruled this one out quickly. The man told me that to get a Bernina actually made in Switzerland these days you were looking at a 3K plus model (gulp). I thought this one was trading on it's name and not really worth the price. You didn't even get a hard case for the money. I'm sure the higher cost Berninas are lovely, they certainly looked it, but this bottom of range machine just wasn't great value compared to it's competitors.
Brother Innov-is 35 £429: This was a new model, very nice looking and compact (had handle and hard case for transfer) but also a nice sturdy machine. Very intuitive with a easy dial selection, good range (?60) and quality of stitches, one step buttonhole, easy to thread, a drop in bobbin. No stitch cutters and quite a noisy machine however.
Brother 250e £599: Also a new model. About 170 pounds more expensive than the other Brother. For that you got hundreds of stitches inc simple embroidery options inc letters, and quite a few buttonhole options, all 1 step. It was easy peasy to thread and drop in bobbin, even easier than the other Brother. Had a knee lift too and stitch cutters. The stitches were nice and this was a very very close second. What let it down was the noise (same as other Brother) and it's bulk. I am going to need to carry this up and down stairs and it had no carry handle and was quite big. I also didn't feel we really needed all those stitch options. To be completely shallow the other Brother looked much more modern.
Janome DKS30 £499: A very new model too. I wasn't keen of the photos of this one and couldn't really be bothered to test it. The chap told me it was his mum's favourite which piqued my interest.
Boy...was my first impression wrong!! What a beauty. It was a much more attractive specimen in real life with a lovely glossy orange panel and modern matt body. Lovely and compact with a carry case and nice handle and while sturdy (8kg) I can transport it fine. Does about 30 stitches and 1 step buttonholes (plenty for us beginners). Lovely lovely stitch quality and so noticeably quiet it just purred (perfect to not unnerve my small daughter) with an easy graduated switch speed control. Had stitch cutters, auto thread and drop in bobbin. More complicated to auto thread than the Brothers but not difficult. The light quality was superb, it just lit up. No knee lift but we don't need that. We got it a bit cheaper than the RRP so that is great too. To be honest once I tried this the others paled into comparison but I took time to weigh up against the Brother 250e with all those great stitch options. In the end the quietness and ease of transportation won out.
I asked the man (who fixes them himself) to be honest about build quality and he felt they were all reliable and easy to repair and Bernina no better or worse than the other models. All have metal insides (they won't stock basic Singer anymore as too many plastic components).
Anyway, a very long post but I hope it is helpful for anyone who might stumble across it.