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Arts and crafts

Discover knitting, crochet, scrapbooking and art and craft ideas on this forum.

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Original poster

Bit of a crafty AIBU/WWYD

59 replies

coldcomfortHeart · 20/03/2012 19:51

I'm posting in the craft forum because I am a wuss I know you lot understand the effort that goes into something handmade.

I make quilts, and hand piece and hand quilt them (I've tried machine quilting but just can't get on with it, and I like the look of hand quilting better). I made one for my nephew when he was born and BIL/SIL seemed to like it. I told them about washing/caring for it and warned that as it was hand sewn it wouldn't be as strong as a shop bought quilt. SIL used it as a play mat, which wasn't its intended use (most people have hung them up or used them on a bed) but tbh I was pleased it was getting used rather than sitting in a cupboard somewhere.

SIL keeps a very clean house and a couple of times I noticed the quilt in the washing machine. I tried to casually mention that ideally, hand washing was better, but a gentle machine wash and no spin, just a squeeze, would probably be ok.

It disappeared for a while and when we were staying last time I saw it shoved in the corner of a box room- and it was quite damaged, with several holes. I was upset, but it's not the end of the world.

But now SIL is pregnant again and I am in a quandary- do I spend hours and hours of painstaking work on a quilt when it will probably suffer the same fate? I just feel wrong making one for one baby and then not his sibling. Any thoughts?!

OP posts:

Original poster

coldcomfortHeart · 20/03/2012 19:53

this is (or was!) it

OP posts:

PurplePidjin · 20/03/2012 19:56

In a word, no. Make something quicker and easier, like a crocheted pram blanket

at your ungrateful SIL

discrete · 20/03/2012 19:56

Sorry, I know it hurts but realistically anything for a baby needs to be machine washable and quite sturdy.

Is there something else you could make for them instead that would not be so fragile?

TwoIfBySea · 20/03/2012 20:03

YANBU as something hand made is more precious than anything because of the time and thought that has gone into it. Beautiful quilt, if I'd been given anything like that for dts I'd have hung it beside their beds not used it.

WWYD - I'd make something less time consuming and something you're ready to see shoved to the side. Like Purple said, a little crochet blanket or something.

Would she accept if you made a wall hanging instead? A little thing she won't use?

Original poster

coldcomfortHeart · 20/03/2012 20:39

Yeah I should have made it more clear that it was a looking-at-heirloomy type of thing rather than a practical gift.

PurplePijin I was a bit sad and tbh I think she continued to machine wash it (after I told her not to) to sort of make a point, that it was a baby gift therefore should have been machine washable.

I like the idea of a crocheted blanket- it gives me the excuse to try something new...

OP posts:

TwoJackRussellsandababy · 20/03/2012 20:49

That is a beautiful quilt, I personally I wouldn't go to the time and effort to make another one if it isn't going to be looked after properly.

Original poster

coldcomfortHeart · 20/03/2012 21:01

Thanks TwojackRussellsandababy

Definitely leaning towards not doing one now!

OP posts:

LatteLady · 20/03/2012 21:15

Don't do it... they do not deserve it.

It was a beautiful... :(

daenerysstormborn · 20/03/2012 21:25

no, don't do it. i have written many blog posts about people being unappreciative towards handmade gifts, and ime, family can be the worst culprits. i am a freelance designer, have been for years, and have also had a craft pattern book of softie designs published which has sold in the region of 9000 copies. when i made something for my neice, my sil's response was that of disgust and she said about me 'all she could be bothered to give was some soft toy or other that she'd made'. wish i'd know that before i spent christmas day hand embroidering it to finish it off in time.

SoupDragon · 20/03/2012 21:29

"I know it hurts but realistically anything for a baby needs to be machine washable and quite sturdy."

This.

I think some people are being very harsh towards the SIL. The gift had been much loved and much used. Far better than something gathering dust.

stealthsquiggle · 20/03/2012 21:39

When I suggested to SIL that the quilt she made for DS would be hung on the wall she was quite upset as she wanted it used - so both that and the one she made for DD are used as sofa blankets (as in, the DC will snuggle under them - they are not permanently on the sofa) and are occasionally washed. That said, they are machine quilted.

OP the alternative would be to make one for DC2 and then hang onto it until they are old enough to treasure it themselves, maybe?

GetOutMyPub · 20/03/2012 21:56

I wouldn't bother to make her a quilt from scratch again, maybe just embellish/applique a shop bought one. (just a simple pram blanket)

Unless you are a crafter, I think people have no idea of the amount of time & effort that goes into handcrafted items.

Original poster

coldcomfortHeart · 21/03/2012 10:05

Oh danerysstormborn that's an awful thing to say!

Agree that people who don't craft can find it hard to appreciate the time and effort it takes to make things- something that comes up a lot on here when talking about pricing stuff to sell on etsy and craft fairs etc.

Embroidering a shop bought one i hadn't considered, that's a good idea actually, thanks.

OP posts:

DonkeyTeapot · 21/03/2012 11:09

The problem with quickly rattling off a crochet pram blanket is that it's quick and easy, not too much effort (assuming you are experienced, obviously if you've learned the craft especially, this doesn't apply!) When you are making something to show how much you love someone, you want to put time, skill, and a lot of effort into it. A crochet pram blanket is something I'd make for an acquaintance, not as an heirloom gift for someone I really love.

That said, I would not go too much effort if I thought the recipient didn't care, or wouldn't appreciate it. So, in this instance, I wouldn't make another. Or if you do, keep it very simple, and machine quilt it ( for speed more than anything else.)

As SoupDragon said, at least it has been used. Your SIL just probably doesn't realise just how much effort went into it.

Daenerysstormborn, I hate it when people think that a handmade gift is somehow cheap / sub-standard. They somehow think we got it for free, despite the fact that we've paid for the materials and dedicated hours of time to it.

PurplePidjin · 21/03/2012 11:15

Donkey, the point of doing a crochet (or knitted) small blanket is that the OP can still treat the dc the same by giving a handmade gift while respecting the Mother's need for it to be machine washable.

Original poster

coldcomfortHeart · 21/03/2012 13:00

DonkeyTeapot I feel similarly- I would feel wrong making something quick and easy for baby2 when the quilt was neither.

But as Purple says it would tick the boxes of handmade as well as machine washable. And to be honest I doubt SIL would really be aware of the difference in time/effort anyway (sounds awful, but as a non-crafter etc)

I'm knitting this for a friend's baby, which is also turning out to be a bit of a labour of love- but she is a knitter herself and a bit more understanding of crafty things.

Any suggestions of a nice not-too-squeaky yarn that would do the job (for a different, easier blanket!)?

OP posts:

DonkeyTeapot · 21/03/2012 13:11

I do see the point, I guess I don't think the two are really comparable given the time and effort involved, but your SIL may well do.

King Cole merino blend comes in lots of colours, it's a superwash wool so not squeaky and should wash without shriking. It's available on DK and 4ply (and chunky, I found out yesterday), it's not too expensive. Deramores have a good range.

bamboobutton · 21/03/2012 13:24

i love that shale blanket! i might knit one for me in a super chunky yarn.

i know how you feel ccH, i have a sil who i am reluctant to knit for as she is a lable head and fear she will sneer at it as it is not designer. i took a gamble and made a jumper for her dd (in the king cole merino blend aran, as it happens!)and it seems to have gone down well, phew.

SoupDragon · 21/03/2012 16:50

That's a bit sneery about crochet blankets.

fabulousdarling · 21/03/2012 17:43

That's terrible coldcomfortHeart, people really really just do not understand the value of handmade. All the effort, all the time, all the unstitching and restitching, cutting etc etc.

It was a family heirloom which your SIL could have handed down to any more children, and she has ruined it by treating it like something made on an industrial sewing machine in a sweat shop.

I really wouldn't make any more. I'd make something smaller and less complicated like some personalised bibs or personalised baby hat and mittens etc.

TwoIfBySea · 21/03/2012 17:49

Crochet blankets can be lovely and snuggly though. We had one for decades until my dad's dog decided it was hers and from that moment until she died it was in her bed. After that and numerous washes it was declared dead.

My mum, many years ago, took up ceramics, I still have things she made on our shelves. She spent a year making all sorts of things for Christmas. My dad's family were delighted and her vases etc. went immediately on to shelves. Same went for friends. Her family met their presents with stony silence and she gave up after they sneered at what she had done.

So I'm all for handmade! If people don't like it or won't appreciate it then I won't make it but I do get asked - not good enough to design or anything, it's just for fun.

QIelf · 21/03/2012 17:54

Some people don't like home made gifts. Maybe your quilt wasn't to her taste?

I think that once you give a gift, it's up to the recipient to do with it as they please. I wouldn't be handwashing a quilt, tbh, because if I live to a million my life will still be too short to handwash anything. Having said that, clearly she has upset you so no, YANBU not to make another quilt for her.

Send a card and some Mothercare tokens.

tribpot · 21/03/2012 18:00

I think the quilt was beautiful. But I can see why your SIL didn't quite know what to do with it - anything intended to be an heirloom can inherently only be used occasionally with an actual baby (or hung on the wall and thus not 'used' in the strictest sense, although I would happily put it on my wall!). I would make something practical and focus your undoubted skill on people who are able to appreciate all the effort that goes into it. I can't quite believe anyone would chuck a handmade quilt in the wash, esp when told it couldn't survive it long term!

hattifattner · 21/03/2012 18:13

I love the shale blankey and the quilt - Im a quilter myself, and I know how much work they are.

I would say that maybe a quick, machine pieced and quilted quilt for No 2....maybe something like this which would make up really quickly and looks modern and bright. Or this one from a kit, (which I have made for a friend...)

There is no point making a heirloom item for someone who will not appreciate it. But I think a handmade item is a lovely thing to do for someone, no matter how unappreciative they are!

You could also ask if they would like a quilt and if they would like you to make it into a wall hanging for the nursery.

DonkeyTeapot · 21/03/2012 20:26

I didn't mean to be "sneery" about crochet blankets - as another poster said, they can be lovely. Apologies.

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