Worse time of our lives - unsure how to cope

[coco19]

I'm new to this site, and unfortunately have had some devastating news about my pregnancy, and needed to talk about this.

I am pregnant for the first time, currently about 16 weeks. Although I was expecting a slightly increased risk due to my age, we were shocked when my 12 week nucal scan and blood results came back with a 1:6 chance of Down's. But after having waited a week for a CVS, we were delighted, relieved, ecstatic to get the all clear two days later. We were told that the full (karyotype) results would be in 10 days, and I honestly believed that I had got over the worst already. Almost 3 weeks later we recieved the devastating news that there was a very rare chromosomal abnormality. We have made the very painful decision not to continue with the pregnancy due to the implications, but are told that there is a chance that this is inherited, meaning that there would be a 50/50 chance of this happening again. We have yet another week to wait while both DH and I are tested and I'm veering between panic and utter despair, and unsure what to do and how to cope with more bad news and whether its better to know or not. I am absolutely pertified with the prospect that would happen again and again and that we might not be able to have a family. I think I am in shock and am in a complete daze. DH is looking for answers to why this has happened, when we really know there aren't any. My DH has a healthy son from a previous relationship, so I feel like such a failure and that this is my fault.

Thank you for reading my post - I know there are no easy answers here, but I needed to get some of these feelings out. Any help or advice would be so welcome at this terrible time for us.

Coco19,

So sorry to hear of your situation, just wanted to say that really, I know it made a huge difference to me when I was trying to cope, to know there were people out there who cared.

xx

Coco what a terrible blow for you. As you can see, MN is an amazing source of comfort and support and all these lovely women will be with you through your difficult journey. I spent a lot of time reading these threads recently and check back to see if I can offer any help.

I wondered if you might help me by sharing your screening/testing decision with me. I was given 1/5 for Downs 3 weeks ago and had a CVS. I was relieved when I was given the "all-clear" for Downs. I did not request, nor was offered further testing or karyotype. I did ask about it before I had the CVS but was told it wasn't procedure but could be done at a cost.

I fully understand if you're not up to talking about this yet (or ever), I just am wondering now if there is more I could do for reassurance.

Again, I'm so sorry for your loss and I hope that you are reassured with the genetic testing results.