How did you cope you TFMR 💔

WarriorsComeOutToPlayay · 26/01/2026 22:47

I’m so sorry this is happening to you. I’m 3 years on from my TFMR. It was my only pregnancy, we thought it was a miracle and I’ve never managed to get pregnant again.

Have you spoken to ARC? I found them very helpful. I also had a bereavement midwife who was so kind.

It’s an awful situation and I hope you are being kind to yourself.

Fletchasketch · 27/01/2026 10:12

I'm so sorry you're going through this. It is awful, truly awful. I spent a lot of time speaking to the wonderful ladies at ARC and one of them told me it was awful, one of the worst things most people ever go through in their life. The point is, they do get through it. This made me feel oddly validated and reassured.

I am now almost 2 months out from mine, not okay by any stretch of the imagination but better than I was. Talking has helped, both to friends and to a good therapist. Long walks and nourishing food have also helped as have absorbing films and good books. I am also trying to take joy in small things, I saw some daffodils today,signalling Spring which made me smile.

In all honesty I wish I had a time machine, and you could jump in it with me to a place where everything doesn't feel so heavy and sad, but we just have to go through it. Sending you a big hug, this too, in time, shall pass.

Original poster

diamonds2023 · 27/01/2026 10:19

Sorry the title was meant to say With TFMR not you 🤦🏽‍♀️

OP posts:

Original poster

diamonds2023 · 27/01/2026 10:21

WarriorsComeOutToPlayay · 26/01/2026 22:47

I’m so sorry this is happening to you. I’m 3 years on from my TFMR. It was my only pregnancy, we thought it was a miracle and I’ve never managed to get pregnant again.

Have you spoken to ARC? I found them very helpful. I also had a bereavement midwife who was so kind.

It’s an awful situation and I hope you are being kind to yourself.

So sorry you went through this too and you haven’t had a chance to get pregnant again :(
Do you have age on your side to just let it happen whenever it happens?
I don’t have age on my side unfortunately being 39 so I thought this was my last chance.
Thank you for the recommendation of Arc I will have a look. Really hope you manage to have your rainbow baby soon 🌈 ❤️

OP posts:

Original poster

diamonds2023 · 27/01/2026 10:26

Fletchasketch · 27/01/2026 10:12

I'm so sorry you're going through this. It is awful, truly awful. I spent a lot of time speaking to the wonderful ladies at ARC and one of them told me it was awful, one of the worst things most people ever go through in their life. The point is, they do get through it. This made me feel oddly validated and reassured.

I am now almost 2 months out from mine, not okay by any stretch of the imagination but better than I was. Talking has helped, both to friends and to a good therapist. Long walks and nourishing food have also helped as have absorbing films and good books. I am also trying to take joy in small things, I saw some daffodils today,signalling Spring which made me smile.

In all honesty I wish I had a time machine, and you could jump in it with me to a place where everything doesn't feel so heavy and sad, but we just have to go through it. Sending you a big hug, this too, in time, shall pass.

So sorry you went through this as well :(
And still so raw a couple months ago :(
I haven’t looked at Arc as yet, They have mentioned a bereavement midwife who I think I will need desperately.
Do you mind me asking what happened what diagnosis did your baby get for the reason for tfmr?
Well done for keeping yourself so busy I know that already takes my mind off the dreaded day that is only a few days away :(

OP posts:

WarriorsComeOutToPlayay · 27/01/2026 13:19

diamonds2023 · 27/01/2026 10:21

So sorry you went through this too and you haven’t had a chance to get pregnant again :(
Do you have age on your side to just let it happen whenever it happens?
I don’t have age on my side unfortunately being 39 so I thought this was my last chance.
Thank you for the recommendation of Arc I will have a look. Really hope you manage to have your rainbow baby soon 🌈 ❤️

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Unfortunately not, I am 43 and have just had our 11th round of IVF.

Do speak to Arc, while there are other pregnancy loss charities/support they really are the ones who understand the particular trauma of a TFMR.

Fletchasketch · 27/01/2026 13:58

diamonds2023 · 27/01/2026 10:26

So sorry you went through this as well :(
And still so raw a couple months ago :(
I haven’t looked at Arc as yet, They have mentioned a bereavement midwife who I think I will need desperately.
Do you mind me asking what happened what diagnosis did your baby get for the reason for tfmr?
Well done for keeping yourself so busy I know that already takes my mind off the dreaded day that is only a few days away :(

Show quote history

It is raw, but much less so than it was at the time if that gives you any hope. I am back at work and able to function and I could barely get out of bed a couple of months ago. I had a surgical TFMR at 16 weeks for Trisomy 21. I was dreading the day, and there's no getting away from how sad it was/is but the nurses and the staff were all lovely and I felt very well cared for. I hope it goes as gently as it can for you on the day.

Fullofconfusion · 27/01/2026 20:40

It is without a doubt the hardest and most heartbreaking thing that I’ve ever been through. Echoing what others have said, speak to ARC and your bereavement midwife. I’ve also started counselling with Petals. Everyone deals with grief differently and there is no set timeline. I’m only just having counselling now 18 months later

hopeandrainbow26 · 13/02/2026 10:46

I had my TFMR in October 2025 at 18 weeks. It’s changed me and my perspective in a completely different way. I feel generally sad and don’t know when i’ll see the light at the end of the tunnel. Sending so much love to you x

nzjul18 · 06/04/2026 08:07

Hi I had a TFMR in January of this year for T21. This followed 4 miscarriages. I have a three year old and the pregnancy with her went very smoothly. Not sure how to move on from here. I'm 36 and have PCOS. Looking into IVF with PGTA. Started Sertraline. So sad. Have gone back to work. Trying to show up for my daughter and husband but it is really hard. Hope everyone feels better soon. Like other posters just wondering when my grief will lift. Think the Sertraline is helping a bit. But this is definitely the hardest thing I've been through in my life. Guess I'm just posting to make sure that what I am experiencing is not abnormal. Love to all xx

Fletchasketch · 06/04/2026 08:36

I am so sorry you’re in this awful club too. I agree, it’s the worst thing I’ve ever endured. I also had a TFMR for T21 back in December. Whilst it’s easier than it was, it still feels heavy and sad and I think about it every day. I can get through a day without crying now, so hopefully I’m moving in the right direction. I’ve been speaking to an excellent, kind therapist since before the TFMR and it does make a difference. There are various charities that offer this, petals I believe and ARC will have some good suggestions. I am considering some of the online group sessions too, but haven’t gone there yet. Finally, reading about others has helped- there are some good books out there and Substack is also worth a read. Someone said to me, the only way out is through and I think there’s a lot of truth in that. Sending you the biggest hug, I really hope you get your baby soon.