bf cant get day off for 12wk scan

[RoughRoundEdges89]

hiya x
so got my scan date thru for 7th july n its at 10:20am but bf says he prob cant get time off work for it 😩

its his first baby so i wanted him there but he only just started this job n they bein funny about time off. said they need more notice or somethin. dont think he’s tryin to get out of it but im still gutted ngl

do they let u change scan date? not even sure i wanna go on my own tbh feel silly sayin that but yeh. anyone else had to go without partner?

soz if dumb question x

Try not to worry - if he can't make it, he can't make it. Do you have a friend who could go with you?

I don't remember any of my 12-week scans to be honest. There are more important things for him to show up for (like the entire next 20 years....😁).

I have a feeling that employers are legally required to give prospective fathers time off for two antenatal appointments. Look it up and check but I think that's right. If so, your partner could challenge them if he wants to.

But yes, they'll usually let you change your scan appointment by a day or so. Since it's a new job I'd probably try this first and only take his employer on if you can't get it changed.

If he can't get it off you might have to go alone. Where I am they don't like you changing the date unless of an emergency because it has to be done in a certain time frame. You can change it though, they just don't have alot of availability to do so.

I've been to alot of scans alone during covid. We had another child and nurseries were closed so we had no option but for me to go alone. I did most appointments and scans alone with that pregnancy.

thanks all x
i didnt know he could get time off legally i’ll tell him that cos he was stressin sayin he dont wanna risk the job

not sure who i’d take if not him tbh my mum will just moan n say im daft again 🙄 might ring the hosp n see if they can move it by a day or two like u said

just wanted him to see it cos it still dont feel real for either of us i think. guess if he cant then he cant but yeh feels a bit crap

appreciate the replies xx

That's a terrible shame. Could you book a private scan at a suitable time for him? They're pretty cheap these days.

You will get some printed photos and you can always use your phone to record the moving images on the screen

Surely he doesn't need to take the whole day off? Can't he try and request an alternative and take an hour out for the scan and work it back at the end or something? Even take it as an early break and/or lunch wrapped into one. Understandably this may end up being difficult if anything is wrong though.

Also just to add that if you do end up going alone you won't be the only one there without support. No one will judge you. I had my early scans alone, by choice and my DGM can to the later ones (high risk). The sonographers were always lovely and made you feel comfortable.

To add another layer on the “they won’t judge you”… I had loads of scans in early pregnancy ie by the time I got to the 10/11 week scan (was private), I’d had maybe 3 or 4? The sonographer at 10/11 STILL had the idiocy to say “where’s your husband?”…”he’s at work?”…”he should be here! It’s his baby!”

1. stfu
2. presumptuous to assume I have a husband
3. he’s at work to pay for your scan so, again, STFU
4. how does she know it was his baby?!

He’d also already been to an earlier scan but there’s always some judgy ignorant gobshite. You cannot win. I was totally fine going to scans alone and you will be too if need be.

yeah i thought about that x my mate said theres that does em cheap midweek but dunno if i can afford it right now tbh 😬

rent gone up n my washer’s packed in again so tryin to juggle stuff

but might be worth it just so he dont miss out. gonna ask him if he’d chip in for it if he can’t come to the nhs one

thanks for the idea xx

For things like that, which are really important you just pull a sicky. That would be my advice going forward. If he hasn’t already asked then pull a sicky. Your family and this moment is more important than any pen pushing bs.

There's no harm in asking if you can change the date, although I'm sure we couldn't for one of them, still worth a try