Worried Sick

[Mammabier]

My eldest daughter js 17+5 months pregnant and she had the quad blood test I think it’s called. Results came back and she was told baby has 1-73 chance of Downs Syndrome which has rocked my world, went to antenatal screening this morning and was offered the NIPT test which she opted for without hesitation. Now it’s an agonising wait of 7-10 days for the results. I’m beside myself with worry, I never had any options like this early blood testing when I had my kids in my early 20’s and I didn’t worry at all about Downs or Edwards Syndrome or Patau (I think it’s called) WTAF
What is the government doing!!! Why isn’t the NIPT test just given first instead of this traumatising procedure they’re putting many first time mums through.
It’s double dilemma for us as my daughter lost her first pregnancy in January so this baby is so precious to us all.

I know she will be worried sick about the conversation we had today and the midwife saying don’t worry you have 3 options

1. Do nothing 🤦🏻‍♀️
2. non invasive NIPT blood test offered 🙏
3. invasive amniocentesis with risk of miscarriage 🙅🏻‍♀️

The NIPT test costs around £400 privately but it will be hugely cheaper at an NHS lab in comparison, so why oh why don’t they offer it first time.
At 28 my daughter is classed as older than average which is preposterous.
I don’t know what to say I can only put my arms around her but I know she’ll be super worried and I can’t take away her pain.
its killing me.
Ive been reading some really positive stories but I can’t stop crying it’s breaking my heart 💔

It's a screening process. You as a mother decide to opt in or not. Most babies don't have these syndromes, so routinely doing an expensive test is unnecessary. The NHS is being sensible over resources here.
On a personal note, I hope all is well when your dd gets the results amd tge rest of the pregnancy runs smoothly

It would be a waste of resources to offer NIPT for every pregnancy, when in the majority of cases even with figures like your daughter, they’ll go on to have a healthy baby.

I also find it surprising your DD is being told she’s considered older than average in this pregnancy at 28. I had my first at 34 and even when I made jokes about being older the midwives were quick to say I was talking nonsense and they see much older women. Sure the screening algorithm would have been weighted differently due to my age, but in terms of actual appointments and notes I was never once referred to as a geriatric pregnancy or pregnancy of advancing age or anything.

As someone who is currently pregnant with my second, I would really struggle with my mum being in pieces about something I’m going through rather than supporting me fully, especially when statistically there’s over a 98% chance all will be fine.

Keeping everything crossed your DD gets her results soon and continues to have a straightforward pregnancy x

I am supporting her fully what on earth made you think I wasn’t !!??
I haven’t expressed my fears to her that’s why I’m on here, but thanks for your back handed judgment and your assumption

Try not to worry, it’s easier said than done I know but it seems to be extremely common (at least on here) for the initial test to come back abnormal. NIPT is far better in terms of accuracy I understand so here’s some friendly support for your plight. It’s hard to watch your child go through any trauma I get you. Stay strong
My daughter in law was also told she was in the upper age bracket at 29 which did upset her somewhat at the time, she was also spoken to very rudely at her scan by a midwife who seemed too busy and concerned with other things. The NHS is in dire straits and I understand the pressure but first time mums need reassurance not rudeness.
Prayers for you both and the baby 🥰

Perhaps it would help to Try to focus on the 72 chances out of 73 that your daughter’s baby won’t be affected?

At 28 your daughter is not considered older than average in medical terms.

The NIPT is available privately and on the NHS in many trusts if the screening tests come back high risk. The amniocentesis carries a 0.5-1% risk of miscarriage which is proportionately tiny. You have a statistical risk of dying in childbirth - should she not give birth?

There is a 72 out of 73 chance the baby is absolutely fine.

Huge amount of navel gazing here from the OP.

I’m sorry but if you have the relationship your OP suggests there’s no way your DD isn’t aware of your feelings, and kindly I would struggle to find support in my DM if I knew she were constantly crying and fretting over what I was going through.

I absolutely understand the concern and worry, especially after a previous loss, but your reaction in your first post seemed extreme and at odds with being able to calm and reassure your DD during a difficult wait. Apologies if I misread the intended tone, but it sounded like you were more focused on lashing out at the government and NHS, and I guess combined with the “it’s killing me” and “can’t stop crying” it read as though you were perhaps putting some of this on your DD as you didn’t know what else to say. I’m glad to be wrong though and really do hope you get the answers soon x

You do seem unreasonably distressed about this, is there some reason you're struggling so much? Maybe something you could get some help with? As others have said, if you really are as upset as you've said then it's very likely that you have communicated your distress to your daughter, whether deliberately or not. She needs you to be strong and supportive right now, not angry and devastated. Beyond anything else, Down syndrome isn't a death sentence, you're speaking as though it's the end of the world which it really isn't. Your daughter will need your support, and she will be able to make the right decision once she has all of the information.