Not one successful scan

[Miselka666]

Hi there,

I'm 29 weeks today, unexpected pregnancy (very much so), I had to deal with very strong emotions, got depressed, had to find help, long story short-I started to be comfortable and accepted the fact we gonna have baby around 20 weeks. Until then, I did not think about much, I was in really dark place and I can only say I am happy those thoughts were very dark, very unhappy and I'm happy I'm out of it.

Since 20 weeks, I feel better and I getting to form connection to baby and start to feel better (mentally). I booked myself for 4D scan as well, basically I feel like okay, I am pregnant, I'm gonna have baby, I am okay with it. It is still fragile feeling but I am better-looking for clothes, baby equipment etc...

What makes me anxious now is actually all field scans I had throughout the pregnancy. I didn't pay too much attention to it until 20 weeks, I didn't want to form connection.. Since beginning I had A LOT of scans-literally 2x a month since 12 weeks, and that's just because they couldn't see clearly and couldn't check the baby. Once it is still too small, then it is not good visibility, then it is baby in bad position.. 4D private scan didn't work out neither, money gone and not one photo of baby. Everyone says it is due to my BMI, dense tissue, baby's position.. After failed private scan I kinda said alright This is it, we are gonna see you in July when you're born..

But I can't help myself thinking-because they see nothing and basically only thing the, do is measure head, chest, bones in legs and arms, I even don't know we have all 5 fingers etc? On 20 weeks scan (which had to be repeated in 22 and 24) they made me walk, drink cold, do stairs, roll from side to side, shake with belly, and still could see face, after 15 mins of quiet the doctor says okay I got it all and when I asked is everything okay, they say I couldn't see lips but yeah I think I got now and it is it all now.. No one showed me here there's hand, all 5 fingers, here is face bla bla bla... I'm frustrated, being in hospital every 14 days and hear for months the same, we can't see.

Now guilt is mixed into it, as I said at the beginning, I didn't plan the pregnancy and was convinced I'm not gonna continue. So now I feel guilty over how I felt about the baby and that I'll get punished for my, attitude at the beginning.

i’m sorry you’ve been going through a hard time, pregnancy can be so difficult and it’s made even harder when you’re mental health isn’t in a good place.

Your 20 week scan sounds exactly like mine so please don’t worry. I had to go back 2 more times, jump about, drink cold water etc. sometimes the baby is just not playing ball and the sonographer can’t collect all the measurements but it doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong! If they were concerned about anything then they would say and continue on with scans. I’ve also found that some sonographers are lovely and will talk you through it all, pointing out all the facial features and limbs. Sadly some others just sit quietly and won’t show you anything unless you ask. Again though, if they had a concern then you’d know about it as it would be discussed with you.

It sounds like your 4d one was rubbish, did they not rebook you for another day? Most places I know who offer it try one more time to capture the image for you.

I think you’re panicking and that’s why you’re focussing on these scans. Not sure if you wanted the baby is actually very common, even people who have planned and tried for years can then worry it’s a mistake and not want to continue. I think you need to accept you felt the way you did in the beginning and that’s okay but now you’ve changed and are starting to bond your baby.