We just had my 12 week scan. I'd already had a private early reassurance scan at 8 weeks due to my thyroid being very off and increased risk of miscarriage. Everything looked fine although maybe a little on the small side.
Because they'd been unable to help my worsening thyroid levels I was terrified there'd be no heartbeat, any other issues hadn't crossed my mind, partly due to the early scan and the fact that we'd had a healthy baby 3 years before. I was so happy to see a wee heart fluttering but the sonographer instantly asked me about down's syndrome screening. I said i wanted any and all safe tests, I'm 38 and we experienced infertility with our first and had been trying for over 2 years for this one. She said the nuchal translucency was high, at 4.4mm and that it meant an increased risk of chromosome abnormalities and other issues.
We were ushered off to a little room and waited for a consultant and genetic specialist midwife. He went through the possibilities, Down's, Edward's and Patau and if none of those heart defects. He led with, many couples choose to terminate immediately which just broke my heart. No judgement to anyone who would choose that but that isn't me.
He went through the other options, a nhs blood test to show risk of chromosome issues which would take a week to 10 days but wouldn't tell us much then a second chromosome specific test which we could wait for or pay to do privately. I could have an amnio to confirm if that test is positive but that carries a small risk of miscarriage.
He was full of statistics and it was all very sombre. (He also shushed me and told me it was his turn to speak and I'd get mine and called me something like young lady).
We opted for the private test to know sooner and left feeling like our baby was doomed and we'd never meet it. I'm struggling to process any of it. Everything i see looks so hopeless but then I saw a few old threads of people online who had very similar experiences and went on to have healthy babies. Hope is sometimes the worst thing but I don't know how to make the decisions they're going to ask me to make. I love and want this baby but they said the phrase "not compatible with life" multiple times when discussing the possibilities which was just devastating. This little one has held on to 12 weeks, 2 days despite my TSH (thyroid levels) of 8.9 at the highest, I don't want to give up on it now but don't want to make it suffer if it can't survive or would die at a few days old. I'm completely lost and don't know what to do. I'm hoping someone can offer some advice, shared experiences or words of comfort. I'm signed off work with my thyroid anyway but in my small team of 5, my colleague's wife is pregnant, about a month ahead of me I don't know how I could go back and have to hear about their baby all the time if I lose mine. Euch my brain is just all over the place.