AIBU Sonographer

[Mumofoneandanotherontheway]

I had a scan last week I was 19 weeks, baby was not in a good position so called me back today (I’m 20weeks now) to do a rescan.
For this scan I was allowed to take my partner, last week he wasn’t allowed to attend.
2 sonographers didn’t manage to do all the measurements today and told me to have a walk and come back in 10minutes. When I returned it was a completely different sonographer.
When she called for me she asked my husband to wait outside, to which I questioned WHY?! She said because he went to my scan last week! I said no he didn’t, he wasn’t allowed. She said well he was there just now when the other sonographers checked, I said we didn’t even see the baby yet & neither has he.
In a very rude sounding way she said ‘go on then call him in’ rolling her eyes!
I then said to her when your done with all measurements if we can get a picture please... right so this also wasn’t allowed! She turned around and said u had one last week! I said no I didn’t (which I genuinely didn’t as baby had back on show and sonographer told me get a picture next week hence why I asked) she said well this is just a re scan and we don’t give pictures, I said I’m 20 weeks I’ve not had 1 picture yet (wtf I was fuming, but didn’t show this)
She then at the end took a picture and then charged me £5.
Not about the money but just think she was being extremely unreasonable!
What do you guys think AIBU?
Sorry for the long post xx

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult Yes I got what I wanted but didn’t need her to be rude about it or even kick up a fuss of my husband being there or not! She was so sure of herself that my partner was at the last scan! I’ve spoken to the complainants department not a formal complaint I was going to make but so they are aware of her bad attitude & was told her manager will call me!

Having had a 20 week scan where an anomaly was found, I get a bit pissed off with people complaining that it's a chance to get a photo and some kind of chance to get a first photo of the baby. It's a medical appointment, not a photo shoot.

Having said that, the hospital probably told you to bring someone in case they did find something wrong and you'd have support, so the sonographer was being unreasonable on that point. There's no joined up thinking within the NHS, and maybe she should have paid attention to your notes. In the same vein, in your case, I would have been wondering if there was a problem, so her attitude could have been more personable. Her wrist hurting is neither here nor there, she was there to do her job and imo, she should have done it. I think it was a bit of a poor show on her part. I wouldn't formally complain, but I wouldn't want to to be seen by her again either.

Putthegasfireon it certainly wasn’t for a photo or any reason like that. I have a 5yr old who was waiting to see his sibling last week and didn’t get to so promised him he would yesterday. I already had a private scan booked for Jan so he will be attending that with us.
I was more shocked with her attitude & the way she spoke to me as though she’s in a very high post! Your a sonographer do your job your paid to do and not make the patients appointment miserable.
I haven’t made a formal complaint, but the departments I spoke to regarding the issue and not wanting any of my future appointments to be with her have said they will be passing this to her manager and they would call me.
Sorry to hear an anomaly was found xx

Even though this was an upsetting experience, try to remember that it's brought you good news overall so far. Your baby is alive and to the best of the clinicians' knowledge your baby is healthy. Everything else is just the icing on the cake - nice to have but not essential.

I went for a 2nd trimester scan to be told that my baby had died. The sonographers and nurses couldn't have been kinder, but what truly mattered was my baby. I could have lived with a rude or dismissive clinical encounter far more easily than I can face living without my only child.

Remember the good parts of the scan. The rest doesn't matter in the bigger picture.

Don’t promise your 5 year old things that you have no control over.
If you want photos or such to show him then you could always book a private scan, same with your OH being able to be there.

I can't believe you complained.

She queried your husband being there, you explained and she allowed him in, there was crossed wires with the photo then she gave you one.

This woman spends her day checking if babies are healthy and having to tell people their babies have died or have serious defects, plus having covid shit to deal with too, and you have had the absolute audacity to complain because (it certainly sounds like) you were arsey with her and she was arsey back.

It wasn't an absolutely terrible experience, it was barely an experience at all. NHS staff aren't all going to be sunshine and roses every second to make sure that you have a wonderful magic filled scan experience. Their priority is checking the baby is healthy and keeping themselves as risk free from covid as possible, thats what she did.

To be honest you're attitude isn't coming across great on here. You seem to be very dismissive of the sonographers skills, training and even physical comfort. Yes, maybe she was a bit 'off' with you, have you never had a bad day in work? Accompanying patients to appointments is a very new thing in most areas, staff are still trying to find their feet with it. Don't forget many are afraid of the increased potential exposure extra bodies bring. So many changes have happened in the NHS this year, 'rules' change daily, it's hard to keep up sometimes. Be kind.

It's also worth considering that the sonographer actually was probably someone very senior and experienced if a number of other clinicians weren't able to get the required images. So, she's probably had to leave her own clinical work at very short notice to come and help - she won't have had the opportunity to review your full patient story in advance, or to know whether your husband attended a previous scan or if you got a picture previously.

I think there can be a tendency to view NHS clinicians are "staff performing a service" without fully appreciating that the clinicians are highly skilled professionals. Maybe try reframing the experience as "a senior sonographer came in and managed to do the scan when other clinicians had struggled" - if something had been wrong, the sonographer's skills could have been the difference between life and death for your baby, so be grateful for her expertise, even if you found her bedside manner lacking in that appointment.

I agree with @Scirocco
You are treating/referring to this Sonographer like she's failed to provide you a certain level of customer service like you'd expect in a hotel!. She's their to do a job. - highly trained one?

I've also experienced the different approach between those doing the scans when a consultant has been brought in - yes they have tended to be on the brusquer side, forthright, little engagement, no freebie photos.

Appointments are very tightly controlled from a time point of view - haven't you noticed that appointments never run on time?! I doubt she would have time or the inclination or find out whether you had been told you could have a photo or your DH attend. I think it's pretty appalling that you have complained

I have a 5yr old who was waiting to see his sibling last week and didn’t get to so promised him he would yesterday. I already had a private scan booked for Jan so he will be attending that with us

As others have said, what if there’s an anomaly? Scans aren’t for pictures and a chance to see the baby, they’re there for a medical reason.

I wouldn’t be taking a child to a scan if I could avoid it. Especially at present, medical facilities aren’t the safest place to be.

I think she could have been nicer in her communication, sorry you had that stress.

I never got a picture in my 12 week and 20 week scan, and my husband couldn't come to any at my hospital. I did the CVS and fetal echo that I had to have after some worrying findings on my 12 week scan on my own too, and never really questioned it tbh given the circumstances.

I did have private scans (proper medical ones) for second opinion - hubby was allowed there and we got nice pictures too :). Scan was detailed and they went through it all with both of us

Take care x

I was more shocked with her attitude & the way she spoke to me as though she’s in a very high post! Your a sonographer do your job your paid to do and not make the patients appointment miserable.

She may well be in a high post, possibly head of department with 100 things to do.

Oh and she will have at least a degree and probably an MSc.

NHS workers are human. If you are scanning pregnant women all day then part of your job is finding problems, you don't know if she has just done a scan telling a women she isn't a mother anymore or a 20 year old she has cancer.

Your baby is obviously good at hiding / avoiding measurements.

This sonographer will have been pulled from another job and is probably losing a break time.

Yes you should be treated sensitively but look at it this way, you have taken up the resources of 3 highly trained professionals. You have taken up the time of two appointments. It is not your fault but you have been a PITA to the department.

The other thing is people lie to nhs staff all the time. I'm not saying OP did at all.

But the staff would have heard it all before from people lying about partners not being allowed in, have got special permission to come in, haven't had a picture yet, etc.

It does tend to make them a bit cautious about believing everything as gospel straight away.

I think that she sounds like she was very rude, I don't think it's unreasonable to ask for a photo, I know it's not a photo shoot but it's still nice to have a copy of your baby to look at afterwards. I had lots of scans for different reasons and they gave me a picture each time without me even asking and I didn't pay for it.

Your attitude isn't coming across at all well in your posts, OP.

Your a sonographer do your job your paid to do and not make the patients appointment miserable.

She was doing her job.

@SoupDragon

Your attitude isn't coming across at all well in your posts, OP.

Your a sonographer do your job your paid to do and not make the patients appointment miserable.

She was doing her job.

This. They were obviously struggling to take measurements, even git you to take a walk. I’d be more worried about whether there was a problem than a photo.

She is a highly trained professional trying to do her job and check your baby.

I’m with scirocco and ivfbeenbusy

You have not been coming across well in your subsequent posts OP.

@SoupDragon

Your attitude isn't coming across at all well in your posts, OP.

Your a sonographer do your job your paid to do and not make the patients appointment miserable.

She was doing her job.

Exactly this. Her job is to scan you. She scanned you. It's not to make you feel warm and cozy inside and provide you with take home photos. You sound like a nightmare tbh - I hope you're nicer to the NHS staff when you have your baby.

Sadly there are plenty of people who equate a professional being firm and telling someone they can't do something with being rude. I think some people are used to a more customer service focused world and are amazed when they come across a situation where they can't click their fingers and demand something.

I've had to tell patients they can't have visitors outside of visiting times, can't have multiple people in theatre, in the scan room, etc. I've not been rude but I have been firm. I've seen colleagues do the same and then had accusations of rudeness and complaints made. Sometimes a complaint has been made and I've actually heard the situation from the sluice or from inside another bay and the member of staff hasn't been rude. Thankfully such complaints are taken with a massive pinch of salt but it's just time wasting a lot of the time. I'm sure there's some genuine complaints but if a member of staff is rude they'll get fairly frequent complaints so yes a pattern would be believed more.

*The other thing is people lie to nhs staff all the time. I'm not saying OP did at all.

But the staff would have heard it all before from people lying about partners not being allowed in, have got special permission to come in, haven't had a picture yet, etc.

It does tend to make them a bit cautious about believing everything as gospel straight away*

This. Seen it countless times on forums, making up a bleed

YANBU, OP. A medical professional should never roll their eyes at you. The trust is gone and you have every right to request someone else next time.

Yabu.

You were charged for a photo?? That’s mental, I’ve never heard of that before. I’m in Scotland so maybe it’s different but no one I know has ever been charged.

Sonographer sounds like she was having a particularly rough day and took it out on you unfortunately

I'm an NHS worker. And currently 24 weeks pregnant with what has been a complicated pregnancy. So I can see both sides.

I personally encourage complaints if something has upset someone so the individual situation can be looked into. I expect, as others have said, she was just doing her job in incredibly unrelenting and difficult current circumstances. However if the situation upset you, the department should look into how communication and scan appointments are undertaken to minimise someone else feeling the same.

They also charge for photos in my hospital - I'm in Wales